Charity fund raising - Voices of Harmony 2009

There is a charity fund raising concert for Singapore Buddhist Free Clinic to be held on 27 Nov, Friday, at 8pm. Details of the concert are right below the email. It is a 2-hour show and the tickets are priced at $100, $50 and $30, excluding booking fee. It is for a good cause and a "concert not to be missed", and the tickets can be purchased at sistic.com.

Please do not ignore this email and help to circulate this around. Voices of Harmony 2009 is a concert organised by Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery (KMSPKS) for Singapore Buddhist Free Clinic (SBFC). This concert is a charity fund raising concert for SBFC.

SBFC's objective is to provide free medical services to the sick and needy, so as to relieve their suffering on illness and to help them lead a healthier and happier life, regardless of nationality, race and religion. All charges for elderly patients aged 60 years and above are waived. SBFC has provided 7,421,424 free consultations from 1999-2008.

Currently SBFC operates 6 branches. They are situated at densely populated areas across the island at Geylang west, Tanjong Pagar, Redhill, Delta, Ang Mo Kio and Jurong East, to provide caring medical and rehabilitative services to patients. With the generous support from fellow Buddhists and general public, SBFC will always be able to strive and provide quality charitable medical services to lower and middle echelons of our people.

We really need your support for this event, the response of the tickets are not very promising. You can support us by purchasing the concert tickets and join us at the concert. Tickets can be purchased online at www.sistic.com.sg , at any Sistic authorised agents or at Sistic hotline +65 6348 5555.

"Strive not for oneself contentment, but relief for the commons "

"不为自己求安乐，但愿众生得离苦"

Highlights of the night include performances by Singapore Chinese Orchestra, China Disabled Arts Troupe, David Tao & more. For more information on the concert you can refer to the attachment

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.

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Concert details (from sistic website) :

Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery (KMSPKS) is organising a fundraising concert - “Voices of Harmony 2009”– on Friday, 27 November 2009, 8pm at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. The net proceeds raised will be donated to Singapore Buddhist Free Clinic (SBFC).

SBFC is a charitable organization established in 1969 by local Buddhists. Its objective is to provide free medical services to the sick and needy regardless of their race and religion, to relieve their suffering and to assist them to lead a more independent and healthier life.

SBFC now has six (6) clinics with its Head Office cum clinic at No 48 Lorong 23 Geylang. SBFC has a team of qualified physicians and experienced staff providing outpatient Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) consultation including acupuncture as well as prescriptions of Chinese medicine.

Statistics compilation has shown that from November 1969 to December 2008, SBFC has administered 17,421,057 free consultations. On average, 700 patients visit SBFC per day. Each clinic has about 3 physicians and 8 clinic attendants. In total, there are 32 full-time staff and 47 part-time staff for the 6 clinics. The minimum cost needed to run SBFC is S$3 million a year. Every cent raised will help in meeting their operating costs in serving the community.

China Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe, My Dream, will be performing a few items. The troupe was founded in 1987, which bears the dreams of people with disabilities and creates a special art that delights audiences presented by artists with physical disabilities, hearing and visual impairments. Their performance is recognized and held in high acclaim wherever it is shared.

It is a concert not to be missed, join us and be dazzled with the performances!

Attachment and compassion

As a Buddhist, I am conscious of not forming emotional attachments and the impermanence of things. Still, when people whom I knew died, my emotions get a knocking, especially with so many cases happening one after another, that my compassion for them made me felt like bawling.

I have known most of them only for a short time, HH for 2-3 years, LY about a year, and the rest I have only met them a couple of times, and yet, I felt for them.

Death is one event every living thing, human or animal, or even plants, will experience one day, it's only a matter of time. So, why do I still feel sad at their passing? In fact, for cancer patients, death brings relief, it's an end to their suffering.

I realised that I am sad because I understand what they were going through, I saw their sufferings and their struggles, the frustrations, the hopes rising and fading, and the pain they had to endure not only from cancer but from chemo also. After going through so much and the brave fights they put up, death made everything seemed so futile.

LY was the first group member that I was following. I had not been fully aware of how serious she was and had been optimistic about her recovery. I had felt strongly for her that I cried when I saw her suddenly become immbolized, I cried when I saw her lying in the coffin, and I cried too when she was setting off for cremation.

I had felt strongly for Ja too. When I first saw her, she was cheerful and chirpy despite her illness. She had passed on just before LY.

When HH passed on, I had been more prepared as I had seen her decline. I had been steady through her eulogies, and only teared when her family members cried as her coffin went into the crematorium.

Maybe, it was not attachment, but rather, it was the compassion for them that made me felt in such a manner. But I admit that with LY, there was some attachment as I had missed her but am now coming to terms with it.

The more emotionally attached I am, the more I will feel its absence. I should be able to detach emotionally, only then can I feel peace.

RIP J - breast cancer patient

We lost another warrior today - J, the patient with advanced breast cancer, and whom I had introduced to ayurvedic medicine.

I just realised that I have not done an update on her for quite some time.

As she required special care, her family had put her in Assisi Hospice about a month ago. M and I saw her some 3 weeks ago and again about 2 weeks ago. She had always been on drug-induced sleep, though she did awaken during our first visit and was alert, could recognize us and was talking.

During our last visit, on 8 Oct, Wed, her husband tried unsuccessfully to wake her from her deep sleep. But she had looked alright then too, and breathing on her own.

This morning, M called her husband to check on her and was told that she had just passed away. They had brought her home yesterday at her request, thinking to send her back to hospice after two days. She had problem breathing and passed away after one night at home. J must have known time was running out for her.

We visited her wake today, and for all the pain she was in during the past months, she looked so peaceful as if in sleep. Her sister-in-law said she had passed on peacefully.

I have realized that for cancer patients in the advanced and terminal stage, appearance can be deceiving. For some, they looked fine and then suddenly their condition deteriorated very fast in a matter of days.

Eulogy

I don't know who started eulogy or how it came about.

Most eulogies are so touching that they are usually also tear inducing, so much so that they can turn a funeral into a weepy ceremony.

I had read "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom and I quote the following :

When a colleague at Brandeis died suddenly of a heart attack, Morrie went to his funeral. He came home depressed.

"What a waste," he said. "All those people saying all those wonderful things, and Irv never got to hear any of it."

Morrie had a better idea. He made some calls. He chose a date. And on a cold Sunday afternoon, he was joined in his home by a small group of friends and family for a "living funeral." Each of them spoke and paid tribute to my old professor. Some cried. Some laughed. One woman read a poem:

"My dear and loving cousin ...

Your ageless heart

as you move through time, layer on layer,

tender sequoia ..."

Morrie cried and laughed with them. And all the heartfelt things we never get to say to those we love, Morrie said that day. His "living funeral" was a rousing success.

Only Morrie wasn't dead yet. In fact, the most unusual part of his life was about to unfold.

Morrie Schwartz had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), Lou Gehrig's disease, a brutal, unforgiving illness of the neurological system. He was one tough guy who did not wallow in self-pity but stood up to his illness. He made no secret of his illness and even lived his life as normal as he could.

When my time comes, I don't think I want any eulogy unless it can be kept short and delivered in such a lively manner that it does not bring forth the tears. On the other hand, come to think of it, I have not done anything worth mentioning, neither have I achieved anything, which is just as well.

I'd rather go quietly, so don't "rain" on my parade.

My minor hiccups

3 Oct, Sat evening, I had gone to the toilet, didn't move my bowels, but I noticed there was a significant amount of blood in the toilet bowl. Strange that I hadn't felt it coming out.

My first concern was whether it had anything to do with my colon, although I was hoping that it had only been the piles. I did chakra adjustment on myself for piles and bleeding and so far, thankfully, there hadn't been anymore bleeding. I had also not felt any discomfort, but I am monitoring the situation.

That same weekend, my lymphedemic right arm was giving me some problems. Certain parts were red, swollen, hard and painful. As I had no fever, I didn't think there was any infection. The only reason I could think of was that the AM could be treating my kidneys then. Anyway, some days later, the pain and swelling disappeared and I forgot to check with the AM.

For some weeks now, I have had to use a special latex free advanced protection plaster on the lump that was on the side of my right chest. The position of this lump was such that it was in contact with my undergarment and the constant chafing had caused the lump to be blistered and the skin to break. I had to plaster it to protect it and help it heal. The lump is still there and now about 3cm away, there is another new tiny little lump. Anyway, I have the situation monitored. My next visit with my onco is 9 Nov and I will check with him then.

AJ update

AJ just had her ctscan done a couple of weeks ago and had also seen her onco.

Her previous ctscan had shown that her tumour was slightly bigger and there was also a new one. However, with this recent ctscan, there was no new lump and the tumour had shrunk. Fortunately, AJ had asked for a 6-week break then. Now, with the results of her new ctscan, her onco decided not to go ahead with the chemo for her, though she is still on oral chemo. The AM wants her to cut down and stretched out her oral chemo.

What a relief!

Postmortem - HH, Fleur

I was at HH's funeral on Sunday and learnt from P, another survivor, that HH had had chemo on Monday, 12 Oct. I did not know the name of the drug, and P thought is was Avastin, but by 14 Oct, Wed morning, she was gone.

When they found that the cancer had spread to her brain, the doctors had deliberated on their next course of action, i.e. where they should start treating her first.

Earlier on, before this last dose of chemo, I had learnt that there were already physical symptoms that her liver was running into problems - the colour of her urine, colour of her eyes and her bloated stomach. In her condition, I wonder why her onco went ahead with the chemo for her. Essentially, didn't that mean that the chemo killed her? Would her death be classified as 'death from cancer' or 'death from chemo'? Would the doctors or hospital even admit?

True, cancer kills too, but chemo kills faster.

HH had always been a model patient. She had faith in her doctors and she trusted them with her life. I recalled some months back when several of us were talking about the side effects of certain drugs, and I mentioned that if it could be proven that the side effects were caused by certain drugs, it would be sueable. HH was the first to speak out in defense of the doctors. I had meant the pharmaceutical company and not the doctors, but nobody was interested in knowing more and I let the matter rest.

Fleur, a breast cancer patient, who had been fighting a long battle, had also been treated with different drugs. From her blog, the last chemo drug that she was on, Ixempra, caused her much suffering. Not long after, she died from total liver failure. Before that, she was also having problems with her liver - bloated tummy and jaundice.

She mentioned that she was told (she did not mention where she got this info from) that if the liver could regenerate itself, she would be alright. I am no expert in this area, but I know enough to know that a liver damaged by chemo, if there is any chance of recovery, would take a long time, and with medication, but chemo has to be stopped. So, I don't understand how it is possible for the liver to 'regenerate itself', while she was still undergoing chemo. Likewise, with HH, was it cancer or chemo that killed her? Which category did she come under?

Chemo caused damage to the liver and kidneys, which is why before every dose, we had to have the liver function and renal function tests done. Chemo also wipes out the immune system leaving the body too weak to fight on its own.

How can doctors ignore all these signs and still go ahead with chemo? What did they hope to achieve? A miracle? When then would they consider that a patient has had enough? At the exhaustion of their funds or lives? Did they really have the patients' welfare at heart? Would they do this to themselves or even to their loved ones?

Whatever happened to the Hippocratic Oath that doctors had to take, or are they even continuing with the act of oath taking? And if they are, does not the oath taking mean something?

HH would not have liked me to write such a post, as she believed that the doctors are doing their best, even to the end.

For HH and Fleur, at least, they suffer no more.

Run for hope

I had forgotten to mention that I am not pursuing my quest to 'run for hope'.

I was looking forward to the run and I am disappointed that other than my willing spirits, my flesh and bones are a letdown. They could not take the pounding, especially my knees.

The last exercise was not even strenous for a normal healthy person of my age, but with my current condition, it was a different story.

So, now, I have wisened up, know when I am beaten and am throwing in the towel, that's right, even before the race starts.

I had considered the odds and must admit that they are definitely not in my favour.

Probably I can consider taking part in the walk next time. I had missed this year's walk, some weeks back, that was organised by the Breast Cancer Foundation. I didn't know what I was doing that I didn't even know there was one until friend told me.

Goodbye E, J and HH

E (female) and J (male), both passed on recently from colorectal cancer.

14 Oct, Wed, I was leaving Kg Senang after a volunteer session when I noticed I had an sms from LY's son informing me of HH's wake. HH's wake? I hadn't had my specs on and thought I read it wrong. I fumbled for my specs and put it on. There was no mistake - it was about HH's wake. So, when did she passed away? It's a little strange to get a message informing me of her wake when I had not received news of her passing. She had passed on peacefully, surrounded by family members, that very morning.

LY's son had visited her on Monday and she had looked fine then.

M and I had seen her on 7 Oct and she was still alert and eating and talking, although it was obvious that her stomach and legs were swollen. The skin on her legs were taut.

HH was the founder of TRC, a support group for people with recurrent cancers. It was her life and she was very passionate about it. While we were there, she kept talking about the support group, the upcoming events and what should be done. Even though she was on the 'dangerously-ill list' (DIL), she made no mention of her own condition, but was very focused on TRC.

HH had been fighting a relapse since last year and was on long term chemo. After her one month break from chemo, tests showed that the cancer had spread to her brain, and her markers had gone back up to before chemo level.

HH's fight was a tough one. She and her onco battled the cancer, strategized with change of drugs and backed-up with blood transfusions (3 that I knew of, sometime end of last year) when the blood test results were not satisfactory.

HH always put others before self. Her thoughts and concerns were always about others even when it was obvious to us that she was so ill. She tried her best as far as possible to ensure that any sick member who needed member support would not be left alone to undergo checkups or therapy.

She will be missed.

Run for hope - getting fit??

I probably overdid it on Saturday morning. The muscles on both legs from the hips down to the feet hurt. Not all the muscles hurt at the same time, actually, for some it depends on how I moved.

So, today I stayed home to nurse my aching legs.

So much for training to get fit for the 4km run, looks like the quest is getting more and more unachievable.

I couldn't remember if I mentioned this before. Some months back, I met some cancer survivors and we found that those who had gone through chemo have weak legs.

We can't squat - we either sit on the floor or on low stool. Looks like the chemo messed up our joints, especially our knees. It is especially bad during the movements of squatting and standing up. Sitting on the floor with the legs bent in certain position would require much effort in getting into the upright position.

Getting off the bus after a long journey and I had to half-hop when alighting. And getting out of a car after a long journey is no breeze either.

More than a year after I stopped chemo, I could even feel pain when I applied light pressure just above the knees. I walked and I practised taiji, but I don't seemed to feel any improvement in the legs.

I don't ever recall any of the oncos telling us that chemos will weaken our legs. Probably they don't know about that either.

Compassion and self

Yesterday evening at about 5pm, I was at Ang Mo Kio bus interchange to catch service 169 that will bring me to the ayurvedic master's for my medicine.

As I joined the queue, a schoolboy was in front of me, and ahead of him were 2 visually impaired men. Right at the front of the queue were 6 or so commuters. Between this group and the two visually impaired men was a big gap.

The AMK bus interchange is air-conditioned and enclosed with solid walls and sliding doors at intervals for boarding. I realized that when the bus comes, those of us behind the two men would miss it because the two men would need time to make their way along the rails to the other end and out through the door, to the bus. The likelihood of the driver not seeing any more passengers behind the men is high unless someone informs him.

I was thinking of telling the boy to ask the men to move forward and close the gap, but he had earpieces stuck in his ears and was engrossed in his handheld gadget as well.

I was still deciding on my next move when my mobile rang. H had called to talk about my son's involvement in the charity drive to help the underprivileged in Nepal. Then, the bus came. It was obvious to everyone behind that the two men impeded our progress along the queue.

Then, we all left the queue and circled left or right to get to the bus. I was still on the phone while on board the bus. By the time I reached my destination, I had ended my phone conversation. It was then that I realized that I did not see the two men on the bus. It was then that I wondered if the two men had boarded the bus and if they did, had they alighted before me? I was seated in the front half of the bus and was so engrossed in the conversation that I had not even taken note of that.

After I alighted, I was consumed with guilt and shame. I was filled with remorse. I asked a man who had alighted with me if he had seen the two visually impaired men, but he was not sure.

I had erred. I could have told H that I would call him back, but I did not. I could have asked the driver to wait for the two men, but I did not. I could have escorted the two men to the bus, but I did not.

It was so ironical that I was talking to H about helping the underpriviledged in other countries, and yet, right there and then, I had sidestepped two underpriviledged fellow countrymen in front of me.

I was still full of regret as I type this.

In trying to find how to achieve a level of compassion so that it becomes a spontaneous act, and how I could move away from being focused on self, I googled "compassion and self" and found the following article.

Turning the Stream of Compassion Within

by Rev. Kinrei Bassis

When I first heard Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett speak, the words that resonated with me most were, "Buddhist training begins with compassion for the self." At the time, I really had no understanding what these words meant. Being critical of myself was a central aspect of my personality. I saw this trait as a virtue being very aware of my faults would keep me grounded and real, and that it would be impossible to make spiritual progress unless I recognized what I needed to change. What I didn't realize was that being aware of how I need to improve my behavior did not mean I should be critical and upset with myself. My problem was I had no understanding of what it meant to be nonjudgmental.

Cultivating a nonjudgmental way of looking at things is the key to opening our hearts to real compassion. But how does one go about this? What should I do when I see that something is wrong? How should I approach it? What exactly is the compassionate mind rather than the hard judgmental mind?

In the years since I first heard Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett speak those words, I have since learned that the mind of meditation is to see problems and failures without judgment. Not judging others but also not judging myself. If I make a mess of something, or if I am lazy or angry or proud, I am breaking the Buddhist Precepts. However, being aware of this does not mean I have to judge and criticize myself. There is not something fundamentally wrong with me; there is only a problem with my behavior. And here lies a subtle but important point: There is a vital difference between being aware of the harmful nature of certain patterns of thought and behavior, and having harsh judgment of oneself.

It is an inescapable aspect of reality that everyone is imperfect everyone is making mistakes and having difficulty in one way or another. I can always look at myself and see ways that I can do better. Yet if I begin criticizing myself, being angry with myself, or despairing with myself, it's very important to recognize that in doing so I am taking refuge in my deluded view of who I am instead of taking refuge in the Buddha. "Do not criticize but accept everything," is Great Master Dogen's teaching in the Kyojukaimon. In her commentary on that teaching, Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett wrote:

Each expresses the Truth in his own way as do all things; they do that which they do in their way and express the Lord within it. Do not criticize the way of another, do not call it into question; look within it and see the Lord. Look with the mind of a Buddha and you will see the heart of a Buddha.¹

It is essential that we apply this teaching not just to our views of others, but to ourselves as well. I need to look at my imperfect self with the mind of a Buddha so that I can realize that this seemingly flawed heart of mine is the heart of a Buddha. If I am waiting for the day when I will see myself without flaws, I will never see my Buddha Heart. Looking back at my years of Buddhist training, I can only smile when I realize it took me many years to recognize that when I criticize myself, I am breaking the Precepts in the same way as when I criticize someone else.

Compassion is really just the opening our hearts to suffering without allowing our judgments to get in the way. If someone is suffering and we judge them, this closes our hearts and fills our mind with harsh opinions. Compassion does not mean we do not see the mistakes others make; it means we have sympathy and understanding for their difficulties, knowing we are not really different from them. We are all born and live in this human realm in which ignorance and delusion strongly influences our lives.

When I see myself making a mistake, I need to take refuge in the Dharma and do whatever action will result in good rather than more suffering. It is easy to get stuck dwelling on our unenlightened actions of the past. The absurdity of this is that we can easily stay stuck, dwelling on wrong actions while losing awareness of what the right action should be in the present situation. Faith in Buddhism is having faith in the fact that although the stream of karma that has brought us to this present moment has both good and bad within it, all we need to do is what is good in the deepest sense in the present situation. Just doing this is enough, moment by moment, day by day, year by year, life by life, to bring ourselves and all sentient beings to Buddhahood.

Key to attaining this perspective is to see all our wrong actions everyone's wrong actions as just normal karma that needs help. When someone is making a mess of their life or someone else's life, I can choose to get upset and judgmental or realize that their actions are the result of normal and understandable human karma, and then do whatever I can to help. And Buddhist training is just giving the most help we can within the limits of our situation. I always find that it is much easier to be upset with and judgmental about someone else's mistakes when I only focus on their seemingly wrong behavior. Yet if I gain a deeper understanding of the person, I find that the quick condemnation often dissolves, and sympathy and compassion arises.

When I look back on my years of Buddhist training, I can see how mistaken it was to be so upset with my own weaknesses. Once I gained a deeper understanding of my own karma, I saw how very difficult it was to let go of some of my desires and fears. Years of meditation has opened my heart and mind to recognizing how difficult it is for all of us to go through this human life, how hard it is to undergo this Buddhist training, and how difficult it is to take responsibility for our karma. Normal human karma makes it easy to indulge in blaming something, someone, or ourselves for our suffering, to live in a fog of ignorance. Instead, what we need to focus on is helping the karma that is causing the suffering. Offering that help to ourselves and others is the very ground of Buddhist training.

For example, if my house is a mess, I can be filled with judgments about myself or others who may be the source of the mess. That is how our judgmental mind approaches situations that it does not like. Training is about noticing that our mind is filling with judgments, but then letting go of them, and focusing on what we need to do in the moment. When I face a dirty room, I need to not judge why this room is dirty. Instead, I just need to clean the room. This is the work of a Buddha.

In the same way, it does not matter why my heart is not pure; it is the work of a Buddha to do whatever will help to cleanse my heart. Instead of being upset or angry my impure heart, I need to understand that this is what spiritual life is all aboutdoing the hard work of purifying my heart. I need to offer help to all the lost karma that is looking the wrong way for happiness. Rather than be upset with whom I seem to be, I need to awaken the desire to help my heart to turn to the Buddha.

The judgmental mind comes from a fear of whom we seem to be and fear of what this suffering world seems to be. The mind of meditation is the mind that is open and nonjudgmental. We trust ourselves because we trust that nothing in our karma stands against the truththat our real heart is the Buddha Heart. We trust that nothing can hurt our real heart no matter how the karma of our life unfolds. And we trust that the real life of the world and everything within, despite appearances, is the life of Buddha. When we see mistakes and the resulting suffering, we do not judge, but instead keep our hearts open and have compassion. All beings are just trying to be happy. Everyone confronts the same basic darkness, which is the darkness that emanates from feeling as though our deepest desires are not going to be fulfilled.

Turning the stream of compassion within is letting go of our opinions and desires so that the same compassion that fills the universe can also be experienced filling our hearts and our lives. Although it seems utterly impossible to believe, we are dreaming we are suffering, dreaming harsh judgments of ourselves and others, and dreaming we are lonely and separate beings. The life of Buddha is the all-embracing life of compassion. That compassion flows through everything, washing away all impurity, and allowing everything to find its true place in the great Mandala of the Buddhas.

Run for hope - getting fit (day 2)

This morning, I had my 2nd one with me on my second day of getting fit for the 4km run. To and fro on that stretch of park connector, we should have covered slightly more than 1 km.

It was a combination of jog and walk for me, actually more walk than jog. I tried to lift my legs higher and put more spring into it so that I could cover more distance with each stride. It was quite an effort doing that as my legs felt lethargic.

After some time, I noticed that with each pounding step, my innards felt shaken at the same time.

When we got home, I was so exhausted, I wanted to sleep. My daughter commented that after a run, we were supposed to feel energized, but not me, I was just deadbeat. I noticed the muscles near my hips hurt. I am glad I managed to cover that distance today.

At this moment, the 4km run for hope looks like a mission impossible for me. Still, I hope to practise for a few more days to see if there is any improvement before I really call it quits.

Stress-filled world

I was chatting with a friend recently and she told me that she was looking forward to retirement as the stress level at work has gone up. She is in the civil service and the department had a new boss, unfortunately an over-ambitious one. From what she said, I gathered that this new boss comes with what I called a new boss attitude, typical of one trying to impress his superiors, trying to prove his worth, and doing his best to outshine others, at the expense of his subordinates' welfare.

The problem with mostly young (I assumed) new bosses nowadays is that, they come paper-qualified and did not rise through the ranks. Thus, they often fail to understand the difficulties and problems faced by people in the lower levels.

This particular new boss had plans to issue everyone with a laptop so that they will have information practically at their fingertips, literally via the laptops, as and when he asks for it, even outside office hours. So far, nobody has said anything for fear of breaking their rice bowl.

It is also difficult to go on leave, because when she is back, she had to stay back after office hours to clear the workload.

MOM has guidelines on the maximum no. of hours that an employee (usually junior) is allowed to cover in a week, but I am not too sure if it has rules that cover senior staff and those at management level.

With the advent of technology, computers, internet, emailing, and instant messaging, everything seems to move at breakneck pace. In the workplace, it also probably signaled the end of sanity and the beginning of chaos. People are complaining that it is so difficult to get the work done because emailing can be very disruptive. Imagine people who sent an email, followed up with a phone call minutes later expecting an answer. Everybody seemed to think their request is priority and that you are at their beck and call.

When I started working in late 1970s, it had already reached the telex age. Subsequently, the fax machine made its presence felt. Even then, we gave a reasonable length of time for a response, depending on the urgency, which was anything from a few hours to a few days.

Nowadays the response time has been reduced to mere minutes. Everyone seems to be chasing everyone else for responses, and getting all stressed up in between. It's bad enough with others chasing for urgent replies, but throw in an unreasonable and self-centred boss and you have my full sympathies.

If I am not mistaken, it was the Japanese that was always wanting urgent responses. No wonder they have job-related, stress-driven suicides.

With technology, there are huge pluses, but the minuses are not small either.

I admit that computers with its word-processing and spreadsheet capabilities made life much easier. I recalled the days of the manual typewriters. Imagine typing 8 copies of a long letter (with carbon paper in between the plain papers), and you hit the wrong key. You have to white-out the mistake on every single page, wait for it to dry before continuing. Now, anything is possible, cut and paste, copy, delete, insert, etc, your wish is the computer's command.

In those days, for those of us who took stenography, we lugged our portable typewriters to school. The generation now lugged their laptops everywhere.

A typical scenario of a kid doing homework now would be- computer on, music plugged into their ears, mobiles on the table. A closer check will reveal that other than their actual work, there is a tab each for facebook, msn instant messaging, emails, youtube. Observe a while, and you will notice the windows on the screen changing every so often, while tending to the mobiles too - their idea of multi-tasking. I only hope their marks will increase in multitude relative to their multi-tasking.

Baby-boomers of around my age are probably the 'privileged lot' to witness the technological evolution, of the typewriters and calculators into computers, of telephones into cordless phones and mobiles, among others. It is amazing how we managed to keep up and cope.

It's true that advanced technology gave us an edge, but it comes with a price, like loss of privacy, stress, etc.

Welcome to the crazy, stress-filled new-age world!

Run for Hope 2009

Run for Hope (RFH) is an charity event to raise funds for cancer research. This year's RFH will be held on 22 Nov, Sunday, at the East Coast Park. The closing date is 16 Oct. There are two categories, the 4km and the 10km.

I must have bitten by the running (jog and walk rather) bug, that for the last couple of days, I have been contemplating taking part in the 4km. I broached the subject to my kids and the general opinion was that I may not survive the 4km run or jog, so they objected. So much for support! All along, it was the mum who cautioned, objected, persuaded, now, it looks like the roles have been reversed. Honestly, I gave them more leeway than they are allowing me for activities like this.

Well, mum rules and I intend to find out if I am up to it. So, this morning, I put on tees, shorts and running shoes, did some stretching of my hamstrings and calf muscles, and headed downstairs. I don't think I did them right but some stretching is still better than no stretching at all, I guess.

I jogged round the void deck. Two laps later and I was huffing. I pushed myself a bit and I managed to last all of five minutes. Then, walking and jogging a bit more, I squeezed another 3 minutes out of my endurance. 8 minutes - my first jog/walk after so many years (I had lost count of the years).

After cooling off and catching my breath, I was raring to go for more, but common sense prevailed. Don't push the cancer and chemo wrecked, and totally out of condition body too much or the kids will have reasons to say "we told you so". Classic case of the spirits willing, but the body has a totally different opinion.

Funny though, when I jogged barefooted in the house, it seemed so easy, but with shoes on, it was so much harder. I guessed I now understand why some runners prefer to compete barefooted.

I noticed too, that my lymphedemic right arm felt a little uncomfortable, probably because the pounding movements of the jog exacerbated the gravitational pull.

I shall see how my muscles feel tomorrow. Anyway, I still have up till 16 Oct to test my physical endurance before I commit.

Coconut cooking oil

We have always been led by our noses by those so-called experts who kept dishing out supposedly professional advice on what is healthy and what is not. Even the plain old cooking oil has generated a lot of interest among health experts.

I grew up on lard oil and 'knife' brand vegetable oil, which is palm oil mixed with some other stuff. My mum used to buy pig lard, cut it into small cubes and fry. The crunchy crust was then stir-fried with pounded dried prawns and chilli. As far as my memory could recall, it tasted yummy. I thought I used to like the smell of the frying lard, but now when I am in the vicinity of lard being fried, I realised that I find the smell quite repulsive.

Then the experts ruled that lard oil is unhealthy and could cause heart attack, so the lard oil disappeared from our diet. Though when I was growing I hardly heard of anyone dying from a heart attack even though lard oil was widely consumed.

Then there is peanut oil, corn oil, soya bean oil, sunflower seed oil, canola oil. The pricier types are olive oil and grapeseed oil. When canola oil first came on the market, it was touted as very healthy but pricey. Then word got around that it was actually unhealthy and that it was something trumped up by the Canadian government to make money. This was subsequently refuted, but by then I had already decided that canola oil was not for me.

I have been told that oil from seeds and nuts are better and healthier.

Dr Mercola recommended coconut cooking oil. It's supposed to be healthier and can withstand high heat cooking. I had a hard time looking for coconut cooking oil in our supermarkets. They carried all kinds of oil but not coconut cooking oil. I finally found it at Mustafa's. 1200ml (1.2 ltr) for S$9.90 which is about double the price of sunflower seed oil. The label says it contains capric and lauric fatty acids similar to that of mother's milk (mmm hmm). It is also cholesterol and transfat free, and odourless too.

Nutrition information (serving size 1 Tbsp or 14 g)
Energy 120 kcal
Protein 0 g
Fats 14 g
Carbohydrates 0 g
Polyunsaturated fats 0.3 g
Saturated fats 13.7 g
- of which Medium Chain Triglycerides (MCTs)
- Caprylic (C8) 1.03 g
- Capric (C10) 0.7 g
- Lauric (C12) 6.58 g
MCTs when consumed are easily converted into energy for an active lifestyle.

So, I am using coconut cooking oil for now until someone comes up with some other ideas, although geting my supplies from Mustafa's will be a little troublesome for me. I will probably contact the importer and get them to supply to the other supermarts.