A cousin introduced me to SH, her ex-colleague, when SH and I had our relapses. She was also a breast cancer patient, about my age, and her two kids are younger than mine.
SH was about a year into Tamoxifen when she found out that the cancer had spread to her bones. My cousin had introduced her to ayurvedic herbal medicine, but SH preferred to stick to conventional therapies instead. I understood she had also gone for qigong.
I had met her a few times at the National Cancer Centre when I went for my appointments but had not seen her for the last few months.
My cousin informed me that SH had passed away on 21 Feb, Sunday. Her liver had failed.
I don't know how far her cancer had spread, and I don't know how much chemo she had received, all I know is that she had been fighting the relapse ever since, and it has been more than two years.
Would SH have fared better if she had opted for alternative medicine instead? I wonder.
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Thursday, 18 February 2010
Year of Tiger
It's the year of the tiger and I thought I may just pay tribute to the felines, the small harmless ones we can see sleeping in various endearing positions in and around our neighbourhood. I extend this tribute to the caregivers of the felines as well.
Sometime last year, a friend who had been a caregiver to the community cats for some years got me interested in cats through his blog and facebook posts. Through him, I got to understand the cats better.
I have always been and still am a dog lover. I do not mind the cats though, but just thought that they have this attitude, where they either like you or they don't. If they do, they will come 'meowing' and rubbed themselves against you, and if they don't, they will scramble away upon your approach.
However, no matter how much I loved dogs, I would not approach any dog, stray or otherwise and pat them, one never knows when they will bite. Unlike dogs, cats are different. If they come 'meowing', you know they are friendly. There are some that like to bite and scratch in playfulness.
Ever since my interest in cats was aroused, I had been paying attention to them, observing them and stroking them when I could.
There was this calico that allowed me to pat it. As I straightened up to move away, it used a paw to pat my foot. I stroked it again and made a move. Again, it patted my foot - it did not want me to leave! Unfortunately, I could not stay long with it, so I stroked it again and made a quick exit. I walked away exhilarated - wow, this kitty certainly knew how to communicate its intentions. Smart kitty that was!
I noticed that cats can really focus when something catches its attention.
It was also this same calico that helped an owner find his lost cat. He had been searching for his missing cat for 3 days and had put posters up. I was passing by when I noticed this calico had its gaze fixed on something up on the crossbeam of the covered passageway. I followed its gaze and saw a ginger cat squatting on the crossbeam. I called the number stated on the missing cat poster. The owner came and confirmed that it was his cat. It's probably worth considering to enlist the help of a streetsmart kitty to find a lost pet cat.
We used to have a very sick cat in the neighbourhood. Sometime ago, the sick cat crossed my path and hopped onto the cement ledge skirting the void deck. I called his name and he 'meowed'. I called a couple more times and each time, he 'meowed'. I left it and later went down with some water for it, but it was gone. I searched for it for a couple of days and asked the cleaners, but nobody had seen it. I was told that sometimes when a cat knew its end is near, it would find itself some place and spend its last moments there. I wondered if the cat had come to say 'goodbye'. It seemed that they have the ability to communicate but humans may lack the ability to grasp their message.
And there was this white Siamese that liked to sleep on the switchbox which was located some 6 ft or so above ground. I was rummaging through my bag for my mobile to take a picture when a lady passed by, laughed and commented that the cat had such a perculiar behaviour and that the switchbox seemed to be its favourite sleeping place. It could be that the cat realized that it could sleep without being disturbed there. But its perculiar sleeping habit had turned itself into a conversation piece for humans, who would otherwise have passed each other with hardly a look or a smile.
I have actually made some new acquaintances through the cats.
Some months ago, I found a tiny little black kitten on the void deck of my block while on my way home late at night. I had tested the reactions of the resident cats there, but one hissed at it and the other took a swipe at it with a paw. I could not leave it there but I did not know how to care for such a young kitten. Fortunately, a few days earlier, I had spoken to a cat caregiver who lived in the private eatate nearby and had asked for her address. I decided to send the kitten there even though it was late and drizzling slightly. Her husband took the kitten from me and assured me that they would take good care of it.
About two weeks before the Chinese New Year, I chanced upon the lady walking her dog and feeding the cats. She told me that the kitten is now much bigger and has a slender long body. She invited me to her house to look at it. This kitten is now so much different from the scrawny and frightened little kitten when it was first found. It is so playful and noisy too. It is a female and not old enough to be neutered yet. They did not want to run the risk of it being impregnated should it run out of the house, so they bought her a 3-tier cage with a hammock. In the night, she gets to sleep with the caregiver's daughter. Looks like the kitten is living a life of luxury now. Am I glad I made the right decision to send it to her.
In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that her husband is stationed in Malaysia and while there, he is feeding the cats too.
As a cancer patient, I find stroking animals to be destressing and therapeutic. While I have a puppy at home, I find the friendly felines to be an added and extended therapy. I am aware that my cancer is a result of stress caused by human related problems. Sometimes I find life such an irony that animals can provide the therapy to undo the harm caused by humans to fellow humans.
When one has been down that path before as I have, one would have realized that there is more to life, if only one learns to appreciate the things around us.
I am fortunate to have benefitted from the fruits of the labour of love provided by the cat caregivers, who put in so much time, effort and money unselfishly to care for the community cats. For all their sacrifices, all they asked for is that the cats be safe from harm.
May the year of the great cat (Tiger) protect the felines from harm, human induced or otherwise, and may the HDB have a change of heart and remove its ban, and allow HDB dwellers to keep cats as pets.
Sometime last year, a friend who had been a caregiver to the community cats for some years got me interested in cats through his blog and facebook posts. Through him, I got to understand the cats better.
I have always been and still am a dog lover. I do not mind the cats though, but just thought that they have this attitude, where they either like you or they don't. If they do, they will come 'meowing' and rubbed themselves against you, and if they don't, they will scramble away upon your approach.
However, no matter how much I loved dogs, I would not approach any dog, stray or otherwise and pat them, one never knows when they will bite. Unlike dogs, cats are different. If they come 'meowing', you know they are friendly. There are some that like to bite and scratch in playfulness.
Ever since my interest in cats was aroused, I had been paying attention to them, observing them and stroking them when I could.
There was this calico that allowed me to pat it. As I straightened up to move away, it used a paw to pat my foot. I stroked it again and made a move. Again, it patted my foot - it did not want me to leave! Unfortunately, I could not stay long with it, so I stroked it again and made a quick exit. I walked away exhilarated - wow, this kitty certainly knew how to communicate its intentions. Smart kitty that was!
I noticed that cats can really focus when something catches its attention.
It was also this same calico that helped an owner find his lost cat. He had been searching for his missing cat for 3 days and had put posters up. I was passing by when I noticed this calico had its gaze fixed on something up on the crossbeam of the covered passageway. I followed its gaze and saw a ginger cat squatting on the crossbeam. I called the number stated on the missing cat poster. The owner came and confirmed that it was his cat. It's probably worth considering to enlist the help of a streetsmart kitty to find a lost pet cat.
We used to have a very sick cat in the neighbourhood. Sometime ago, the sick cat crossed my path and hopped onto the cement ledge skirting the void deck. I called his name and he 'meowed'. I called a couple more times and each time, he 'meowed'. I left it and later went down with some water for it, but it was gone. I searched for it for a couple of days and asked the cleaners, but nobody had seen it. I was told that sometimes when a cat knew its end is near, it would find itself some place and spend its last moments there. I wondered if the cat had come to say 'goodbye'. It seemed that they have the ability to communicate but humans may lack the ability to grasp their message.
And there was this white Siamese that liked to sleep on the switchbox which was located some 6 ft or so above ground. I was rummaging through my bag for my mobile to take a picture when a lady passed by, laughed and commented that the cat had such a perculiar behaviour and that the switchbox seemed to be its favourite sleeping place. It could be that the cat realized that it could sleep without being disturbed there. But its perculiar sleeping habit had turned itself into a conversation piece for humans, who would otherwise have passed each other with hardly a look or a smile.
I have actually made some new acquaintances through the cats.
Some months ago, I found a tiny little black kitten on the void deck of my block while on my way home late at night. I had tested the reactions of the resident cats there, but one hissed at it and the other took a swipe at it with a paw. I could not leave it there but I did not know how to care for such a young kitten. Fortunately, a few days earlier, I had spoken to a cat caregiver who lived in the private eatate nearby and had asked for her address. I decided to send the kitten there even though it was late and drizzling slightly. Her husband took the kitten from me and assured me that they would take good care of it.
About two weeks before the Chinese New Year, I chanced upon the lady walking her dog and feeding the cats. She told me that the kitten is now much bigger and has a slender long body. She invited me to her house to look at it. This kitten is now so much different from the scrawny and frightened little kitten when it was first found. It is so playful and noisy too. It is a female and not old enough to be neutered yet. They did not want to run the risk of it being impregnated should it run out of the house, so they bought her a 3-tier cage with a hammock. In the night, she gets to sleep with the caregiver's daughter. Looks like the kitten is living a life of luxury now. Am I glad I made the right decision to send it to her.
In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that her husband is stationed in Malaysia and while there, he is feeding the cats too.
As a cancer patient, I find stroking animals to be destressing and therapeutic. While I have a puppy at home, I find the friendly felines to be an added and extended therapy. I am aware that my cancer is a result of stress caused by human related problems. Sometimes I find life such an irony that animals can provide the therapy to undo the harm caused by humans to fellow humans.
When one has been down that path before as I have, one would have realized that there is more to life, if only one learns to appreciate the things around us.
I am fortunate to have benefitted from the fruits of the labour of love provided by the cat caregivers, who put in so much time, effort and money unselfishly to care for the community cats. For all their sacrifices, all they asked for is that the cats be safe from harm.
May the year of the great cat (Tiger) protect the felines from harm, human induced or otherwise, and may the HDB have a change of heart and remove its ban, and allow HDB dwellers to keep cats as pets.
Some minor hiccups - 2
EY had earlier told me that the ayurvedic master had mentioned that if we could just consumed ghee + boiled fresh milk + honey alone and avoid solid foods for 6 months, our recovery could be faster and we could shortened the length of time that we had to be on medication.
So on 8 Feb, I decided to give it a try. Afterall, I am not a foodie and it would save me the trouble of deciding what to eat at mealtimes.
I took this concoction for the whole day, but also took some snacks with a cup of milo in the afternoon as I was hungry.
Come Tuesday, 9 Feb, morning, and my head was swimming. I was feeling giddy. Probably lack of nutrients or low in potassium as I had not consumed any salty stuff. I didn't wait to find out and took a normal meal for lunch, after which I was back to normal, more or less.
I will be checking with the ayurvedic master about the ghee milk diet when I see him next.
10 Feb, my daughter said she wanted to make pancakes. I said, "great, let's have pancakes for lunch". Bad idea! After the pancake lunch and by late afternoon, I became sick again. I was very dizzy, and it was worse than the day before.
Fortunately, my daughter was with me and I asked for some Himalayan rock salt. I took the salt neat at intervals and also ate some dinner. Had to apply essential oil on my tummy as well as I realized that I was having digestion problems.
Fortunately, by 9 - 10pm, I was feeling much better.
I realized that after chemo, my stomach has now reached a stage where it is not accepting whatever I put into my mouth, so no more lazy man's meals for me. Probably the pancakes made with flour was a bit too much for my stomach to digest.
So on 8 Feb, I decided to give it a try. Afterall, I am not a foodie and it would save me the trouble of deciding what to eat at mealtimes.
I took this concoction for the whole day, but also took some snacks with a cup of milo in the afternoon as I was hungry.
Come Tuesday, 9 Feb, morning, and my head was swimming. I was feeling giddy. Probably lack of nutrients or low in potassium as I had not consumed any salty stuff. I didn't wait to find out and took a normal meal for lunch, after which I was back to normal, more or less.
I will be checking with the ayurvedic master about the ghee milk diet when I see him next.
10 Feb, my daughter said she wanted to make pancakes. I said, "great, let's have pancakes for lunch". Bad idea! After the pancake lunch and by late afternoon, I became sick again. I was very dizzy, and it was worse than the day before.
Fortunately, my daughter was with me and I asked for some Himalayan rock salt. I took the salt neat at intervals and also ate some dinner. Had to apply essential oil on my tummy as well as I realized that I was having digestion problems.
Fortunately, by 9 - 10pm, I was feeling much better.
I realized that after chemo, my stomach has now reached a stage where it is not accepting whatever I put into my mouth, so no more lazy man's meals for me. Probably the pancakes made with flour was a bit too much for my stomach to digest.
Some minor hiccups - 1
The few days starting from 31 Jan 2010 to 6 Feb, I was having a lot of problems with my hands.
The skin on most of the fingers and the fingertips were chapped and hurt like crazy when there was contact. Fortunately the forefingers and thumbs on both hands were fairly okay and I managed to do some two-finger typing.
I had to use plasters to prevent them from cracking further and to aid in healing. It was a bummer as I had spring cleaning to do for the coming Chinese Lunar New Year.
On 30 Jan, when we used acrylic paints for art therapy, some of the paints got on my fingers. Despite washing them off, my hands were itching later. I have been suffering from sensitive skin problems and the chemo had made it worse. They are now super sensitive and peeled and chapped easily.
A tcm practitioner commented that I have 富贵手 (literally means rich person's hands) and advised me not to do housework. Yeah, right! That will probably be the day when I am waited on hand and foot, and I don't envisage that happening to me in this lifetime.
I have tried various hand creams and most of them are not suitable. In fact some aggravated the condition. I have found that the hand and body lotion from enfuselle to be very suitable for me, and it's not cheap, costing me more than S$20 for a tube of 8 fl oz or 236 ml.
The skin on most of the fingers and the fingertips were chapped and hurt like crazy when there was contact. Fortunately the forefingers and thumbs on both hands were fairly okay and I managed to do some two-finger typing.
I had to use plasters to prevent them from cracking further and to aid in healing. It was a bummer as I had spring cleaning to do for the coming Chinese Lunar New Year.
On 30 Jan, when we used acrylic paints for art therapy, some of the paints got on my fingers. Despite washing them off, my hands were itching later. I have been suffering from sensitive skin problems and the chemo had made it worse. They are now super sensitive and peeled and chapped easily.
A tcm practitioner commented that I have 富贵手 (literally means rich person's hands) and advised me not to do housework. Yeah, right! That will probably be the day when I am waited on hand and foot, and I don't envisage that happening to me in this lifetime.
I have tried various hand creams and most of them are not suitable. In fact some aggravated the condition. I have found that the hand and body lotion from enfuselle to be very suitable for me, and it's not cheap, costing me more than S$20 for a tube of 8 fl oz or 236 ml.
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Art therapy - reflection
Lotus - resilience
Swans - calm and peace
Bamboo - tough and yet flexible
Flying birds - freedom
I feel that fighting cancer needs all of the above qualities and maybe more.
Being resilient is something I always want to maintain in my battle with cancer, like the lotus growing through the mud.
It helps to be at peace with myself, and have calmness within. Looking at swans gliding gracefully on the water always have that effect on me.
When it comes to decision making where choice of treatment is concerned, I liked that I am an active participant instead of a passive one, be tough and firm and at the same time, flexible where necessary, like the bamboo that will bend with the winds and yet not break.
With a positive attitude, I can free myself and not live the rest of my life under the grip and shadow of cancer, like the birds flying freely in the sky.
The objects individually, hold a lot of meaning for me, even though I got my perspectives all wrong when I put them together in one big picture.
Monday, 1 February 2010
Art therapy
23 Jan - I attended an art therapy session organised by the psycho social department at National Cancer Centre.
This is actually a 2-part session. The first one is collage art and the second, held on 30 Jan 2010, is acrylic on canvas.
The art therapist and staff of the psycho social department provided the materials. All we needed to bring were our imagination, creativity, and probably no reservations.
We did a nametag as warming-up.
For the main piece, we were supposed to select a title and theme, but I don't know where my mind went and I must have attention deficit that day that I really went wild with my piece. After applying glue and slapping and pressing the pieces in place, I looked around and found that everyone else's was so neat and organised 'poster style', but mine was one big mess.
Upon completion, when it came time to tell a story about our pieces, I didn't know where to begin because mine was like, humm- I think it was anybody's guess and imagination. Main thing was I enjoyed myself no matter how my 'messterpiece' looked like!
Compare mine to the pieces produced by the others :
30 Jan 2010 - 2nd part of the art therapy session - acrylic on canvas
The art therapist (I couldn't remember her name) brought us through a relaxation exercise, after which we were supposed to write or draw whatever come to mind, and that would be the theme of our piece.
When I was in school, I had only messed with poster colours on paper, and this was my first attempt at acrylic on canvas.
I wanted to draw lotuses, but I am no van Gogh nor Picasso and my lotus looked like a small kid's attempt. The canvas looked so empty, so I added in 2 swans in the pond. I thought that the sky looked empty too, so I added in some birds. I had the intention of drawing the birds flying to the left, but when I was done, all three birds looked like flying to the right instead. I don't know what happened, but well, at least they looked a little like birds, I think.
HW thought my brick wall was a bridge - yeah, I think so too.
My perspective was all wrong. I forgot the grass behind the wall, so it looked like my pond is suspended on a highland. I couldn't make the bamboo come alive, even with some tips from M, and errmm..., the size of the objects relative to one another...., oh well, 'nuff said.
With acrylic painting, one is supposed to lay on the paint thick, but I forgot and mine looked so 'see-through' with the canvas peeping through the paint.
Anyway, it didn't matter, because at least I managed to produce something. And this is it!
While we struggled with our pieces, my neighbour, LO who loves cats and has 2 at home, mumbled 'my cat doesn't look like a cat'. There were similar mumblings like that too, but we had a giggling good time and it was fun while it lasted.
I was among the last ones to finish and I didn't have time to take photos of the pieces done by the others.
This is actually a 2-part session. The first one is collage art and the second, held on 30 Jan 2010, is acrylic on canvas.
The art therapist and staff of the psycho social department provided the materials. All we needed to bring were our imagination, creativity, and probably no reservations.
We did a nametag as warming-up.
For the main piece, we were supposed to select a title and theme, but I don't know where my mind went and I must have attention deficit that day that I really went wild with my piece. After applying glue and slapping and pressing the pieces in place, I looked around and found that everyone else's was so neat and organised 'poster style', but mine was one big mess.
Upon completion, when it came time to tell a story about our pieces, I didn't know where to begin because mine was like, humm- I think it was anybody's guess and imagination. Main thing was I enjoyed myself no matter how my 'messterpiece' looked like!
My 'messterpiece'!
Compare mine to the pieces produced by the others :
30 Jan 2010 - 2nd part of the art therapy session - acrylic on canvas
The art therapist (I couldn't remember her name) brought us through a relaxation exercise, after which we were supposed to write or draw whatever come to mind, and that would be the theme of our piece.
When I was in school, I had only messed with poster colours on paper, and this was my first attempt at acrylic on canvas.
I wanted to draw lotuses, but I am no van Gogh nor Picasso and my lotus looked like a small kid's attempt. The canvas looked so empty, so I added in 2 swans in the pond. I thought that the sky looked empty too, so I added in some birds. I had the intention of drawing the birds flying to the left, but when I was done, all three birds looked like flying to the right instead. I don't know what happened, but well, at least they looked a little like birds, I think.
HW thought my brick wall was a bridge - yeah, I think so too.
My perspective was all wrong. I forgot the grass behind the wall, so it looked like my pond is suspended on a highland. I couldn't make the bamboo come alive, even with some tips from M, and errmm..., the size of the objects relative to one another...., oh well, 'nuff said.
With acrylic painting, one is supposed to lay on the paint thick, but I forgot and mine looked so 'see-through' with the canvas peeping through the paint.
Anyway, it didn't matter, because at least I managed to produce something. And this is it!
While we struggled with our pieces, my neighbour, LO who loves cats and has 2 at home, mumbled 'my cat doesn't look like a cat'. There were similar mumblings like that too, but we had a giggling good time and it was fun while it lasted.
I was among the last ones to finish and I didn't have time to take photos of the pieces done by the others.
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