A Cancer Survivor's Perspective

My mum had colon cancer

2011-05-01T18:01:00.001+08:00

February 2011

Mum was on medication for high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes and, was diagnosed with colon cancer in Feb this year.

Mum had been complaining of stomachaches and had been getting the runs. She made frequent trips to the toilet and usually only passed out small quantities of soft stools. For years, Mum has always had problems with constipation and had always self-medicated with over-the-counter drugs. Mum stays on her own with her caregiver and she had not told us about her stomach problems, and usually wrote it off as nothing unusual. It was her caregiver who alerted us that something was wrong with Mum.

In February, her stomach was giving her more problems and she was making more trips to the toilet. After each trip, she still could not get the satisfaction of full bowel movement. And as Mum was getting senile, she denied that she had passed out anything in the toilet. Her caregiver was concerned enough to tell us about it.

Mum was sent to hospital. Initially, the doctors thought she had food poisoning and prescribed charcoal tablets to curb the runs. However, after some tests and 2 failed colonoscopies confirmed that there was a mass there, her medication was changed to help soften the stools and bowel movements.

The tumour was 5-6cm in diameter and was located in the wall of the descending colon. It had not fully blocked the colon and it was through the small gap that her stools passed. They called this overflow.

Doctors restricted her diet - no fibre (at most it was mashed up) as they are concerned about building up mess and contributing to the jam.

She was scheduled for surgery, and doctors had warned that at her age of 77, there are risks involved. One was that if the conditions of the tissues were not good enough for re-attachment, the colon would have to be re-directed out through the abdomen and she would have to wear a bag to collect the waste until such time when another surgery could be done to re-connect the colon.

While awaiting surgery, my mum's caregiver, who was also trained in energy healing therapy, and I applied energy healing therapy on my mum everyday for several hours a day. This was more than a week before her surgery.

Mum had a hysterectomy before, and during surgery, her intestines were all stuck together to the old surgical scars. Doctors took a longer time than planned to seperate her intestines and straightened everything out. The tumour was removed and the doctors managed to rejoin the colon. Docs said that Mum was lucky that the tumour was not located lower, near the anus, as that would then make re-attachment impossible.

As the surgery had taken a longer than usual time, the doctors did not cleaned out the mess of old accumulated stools in her intestines. After surgery, she was prescribed medication to soften and remove her stools. We helped with energy healing therapy.

The doctors and family members agreed that Mum need not go for conventional treatment as her surgery was clean, the surrounding areas were not affected and her cancer cells were of moderate grade, plus Mum was already 77.

A full scope was done about 2 months after the surgery and everything was fine. Mum has never wanted any restrictions to be placed on her diet and is back to her old ways, enjoying her food.

MT

2010-12-31T17:37:00.002+08:00

MT was a breast cancer patient who had battled cancer for some years and had gone through several rounds of chemo. If I am not mistaken, she also had a couple of surgeries to insert plates to support her spinal column as the cancer had spread there.

When M first introduced her about 2 years ago, she still looked good despite having gone through so much chemo.

Some time after that, she called to ask about alternative medicine. She had been so conditioned by the doctors against taking traditional medicine while undergoing chemo that she found it hard to accept that I had done exactly that. She was concerned about side-effects and contraindications. I explained that I had none and that the only side-effects I had were from chemo which were confirmed by the doctor. Still, she was not convinced.

One day, she told me that the doctors have told her they have run out of drugs for her, that there is nothing else they could do. She sounded shocked and could not believe that there was such a thing as running out of drugs to treat her cancer. She told me she was going for a second opinion.

MT last called me sometime before she passed on. She was in great distress. She realized how wrong she was to have listened to her doctors about alternative medicine. She said she should have gone for alternative treatment much earlier.

In Brief

2010-12-28T20:00:00.001+08:00

My battle in brief in reverse chronological order :

20 Dec 2010
Warded for indigestion due to fasting and intake of liquid contrast for CTscan.

13 Dec 2010
Cancer marker => 26.3
CTscan and blood test
more nodules on my right chest wall and one in the liver is still there

27 Sep 2010
Cancer marker => 17

Sep 2010
New lump above surgical line
Pain in right collar bone and on/off pain near surgical line. Pain disappeared after repeated energy healing therapy.

Aug 2010
Another lump (lymph node) just below right collar bone

12 Jul 2010
Cancer marker => 15.7

Rejected Zometa and ctscan

19 Apr 2010
Cancer marker => 14.6

Felt mild pain in the area where the 2 lumps are, near the surgical line

25 Jan 2010
Cancer marker => 13.3

25 Nov 2009
Found a new small lump about 2-3 cm below the right collar bone

9 Nov 2009
Cancer marker => 13.9
Rejected onco's suggestion for oral chemo and hormone therapy

4 Nov 2009
Discovered two small lumps on right chest wall
Another two tiny bumps on right side, near the upper inner arm

31 Aug 2009
Cancer marker => 13.8
Rejected onco's suggestion for hormone therapy

6 Jul 2009
Cancer marker => 13.1
Rejected onco's suggestion for hormone therapy

13 Mar 2009
Cancer marker => 12.9

19 Jan 2009
Cancer marker => 12.0
1 lump on right side, near the upper inner arm

30 Oct 2008
Cancer marker => 13.4

6 Oct 2008
herceptin - 300 mg (last dose - did not complete one year's prescription)

15 Sep 2008
herceptin - 300mg

25 Aug 2008
Chest x-ray
Increased right-sided pleural effusion (fluid in lining of right lung)
Atelectasis of right lower zone (partial collapse of lower right lung)
Stable left moderate pleural effusion

25 Aug 2008
Cancer marker => 12.7
herceptin - 300 mg

13 Aug 2008 - 1546 hours
Chest x-ray
Reduction in right pleural effusion
No change in left
Deformity of lateral aspect of right 7th rib suspicious metastatic involvement

13 Aug 2008
Pleural fluid sent for culture and test for -
- Fungal culture
- Lower respiratory culture
- AFB smear
- Gram Stain Smear
- Respiratory culture, anaerobic (culture of fluid extracted from lungs)
Results - all negative

13 Aug 2008
Chest tap - right lung - 1.2 ltrs of fluid
Fungal culture - negative

13 Aug 2008
Chest x-ray - 1150 hours
Bilateral moderate size pleural effusion
Bilateral partial bilateral lower lobes of lungs

4 Aug 2008
Herceptin only - 300mg

14 Jul 2008
Cancer marker => 16.0 (after 5th dose - I stopped chemo on the 5th cycle)

14 Jul 2008
Chest tap - right lung - 1 ltr of fluid removed
Herceptin only - 300mg

7 Jul 2008
CT scan - brain, chest and abdomen
No intra-cranial haemorrhage (compared to May 9 2008)
Fracture line extending to base of skull
Enhanced nodular thickening of mastectomy scar resolved
Moderate large bilaterial pleural effusions noted
Partial collapse (passive atelectasis) of lung bases
No definite nodule seen in aerate lung
Significant improvement of hepatic metastases in left lobe of liver
Mets in segment 6 resolved
Diffuse bony metastases show increased sclerosis compatible with treatment related response (I think it means when the bones healed, they become thicker.)

26 Jun 2008
herceptin only - 300 mg
chest tap - left lung - 590 ml of fluid

12 Jun 08, Thursday
chemo - 5th dose, 2nd half - taxotere 40 mg+ carboplatin 200 mg
pleural effusion again

29 May 2008
chemo - 5th dose, 1st half - herceptin 300 mg + taxotere 40 mg + carboplatin 250 mg
water retention in legs and lymphedema on right arm

26 May 2008
Cancer marker => 18.8 (before 5th dose)

9 May 2008
CT scan - brain
bleeding in left frontal region
vertical fracture on left rear, top to base of skull (from a previous fall some years back)

8 May 2008
Took another frusemide and 1 potassium chloride for water retention problem
Passed out and fell from a standing position and hit my head on the floor
Had seisure about 1 hour later
Warded for 2 days, blood test showed low potassium level due to large quantity of urine passed (as a result of frusemide) as cause of fainting

6 May 2008
Took one frusemide and one potassium chloride for water retention in legs and lymphedema in right arm

5 May 2008, Mon
chemo - 4th dose (full dose) -herceptin 280 mg + docetaxel 90mg + carboplatin 650mg

5 May 2008
Cancer marker => 20.0 (before 4th dose) Note : marker dropped below normal after the 3rd dose.

14 Apr 2008, Mon
chemo - 3rd dose (full dose) - herceptin 280mg + docetaxel 90mg + carboplatin 700mg

7 Apr 2008 - herceptin only - 90mg

1 Apr 2008
chemo - 2nd dose, last part - 90mg herceptin + 40mg taxotere + 250mg carboplatin

31 Mar 2008
Cancer marker => 48.1 (before 3rd, i.e. last part of 2nd dose)

24 Mar 2008
chemo - 2nd dose, 2nd part - 90mg herceptin + 40mg taxotere + 250mg carboplatin

17 Mar 2008
chemo - 2nd dose, 1st part - 90mg herceptin + 40mg taxotere + 250mg carboplatin

10 Mar 2008
Herceptin only - 80mg

3 Mar 2008
chemo - 1st dose, last portion - 40mg docetaxel + 200mg carboplatin

26 Feb 2008 - discharged from hospital

25 Feb 2008
chemo - 1st dose, 2nd portion - 35 mg docetaxel + 200mg carboplatin

22 Feb 2008
Chest tap on right lung - 700ml of fluid

22 Feb 2008
CT scan - Chest
Metastasis to left lung uper lobe - 0.5cm node
Suspected possibility of lymphangitis carcinomatosis (a condition where the tumour grows in and obstructs the lymphatics in the lungs)
Moderately large bilateral pleural effusions (fluid in lining of both lungs)
Partial collapse of right middle lobe of lung (right lung has 3 lobes), and bilateral lower lobes (left lung has only 2 lobes)
Small pericardial effusion (fluid in lining of heart)
Thickening or muscle on right side of chest (on the surgical site)
Metastatic deposits in the liver

22 Feb 2008
CT pulmonary angiogram done, confirmed damage to minor heart muscle
CT Cardiac Calcium scoring done after heart attack

20 Feb 2008
Smaller and newer lumps started disappearing after chemo

19 Feb 2008
Heart attack after chemo

18 Feb 2008
Started chemo - 1st dose, 1st portion
Drugs : taxotere + carboplatin + herceptin

18 Feb 2008
CT scan - (compared to ctscan of 4 Dec 2007)
More lumps on right chest wall measuring up to 1.2x0.8cm
Subcentimetre carinal node seen
Metastases to liver and bones increased
Metastases to thoracic spine, lumbar spine and ribs, largest in the left L1 hemivertebrae measuring 3.1x2.1cm
Bilateral pleural effusion worse, partial collapse of both lungs
Suspected collapsed gallbladder
New metastases in segments 2, 3, 4a, 6, 7 of the liver

Segments of the liver

15 Feb 2008
Cancer marker => 309 (before chemo)

15 Feb 2008 NM Heart Function (MUGA - MUltiple Gated Acquisition scan)
Normal LV (left ventricular) function at rest
LVEF (left ventricular ejection fraction) was 63.4% on Nov 27 2006

15 Feb 2008
Admitted again, this time to SGH due to difficulty in breathing caused by bilateral pleural effusion

29 Jan 2008
Admitted to Changi General Hospital and warded for 7 days for coop loop procedure to drain fluid from lung linings
right lung - 1.3 ltr of fluid drained
left lung - nearly 500ml

12 Dec 2007
Bone scan - metastasis left 1st rib and L1 vertebra

4 Dec 2007
Cancer marker => 69.3

4 Dec 2007
CT scan of neck, chest, abdomen and pelvis
Scarring in bilateral lung bases
Borderline subcarinal node, measuring 1.3x0.9cm
Hypodense lesion in sgement 4B (of liver) measuring 3.3x2.9cm suspicious for metastasis
Lytic lesion in L1 vertebra
Nodules in right chest wall, suspicious for recurrence

22 Nov 2007
Ultrasound scan confirmed the relapse

Nov 2007
Started coughing
Vitamin C high dosage by iv treatment

Sep 2007
Pea-sized lump above surgical scar
Back to nutritionist who recommended antioxidant hotbed treatment

Apr 2007
Completed course of natural therapy and should have continued with maintenance (Carnivora), but did not and chose to follow a nutritionist's advice instead.

Dec 2006
Started on natural therapy (Graviola and Carnivora)

Turned down all conventional treatment, opted for natural therapy - Carnivora + Graviola

13 Nov 2006
Mastectomy of right breast
ER/PR, Cerb2(Her2) Positive
Stage 3 with grade 3 cancer cells
Infiltrative ductal carcinoma (invasive + DCIS)
Tumour size : 5 x 3.5 x 1.5 cm
Out of 9 lymph nodes removed, 4 were affected - biggest 1.3 cm

18 Oct 2006
2nd mammogram
Ultra sound scan
Ultrasound Guided TruCut Biopsy of right breast

End Sep 2006 - 1st mammogram

Check-up 27 Dec 2010

2010-12-27T18:33:00.000+08:00

My appointment with my onco Dr JC was supposed to be on 20 Dec 2010, but as I was warded, it was postponed to 27 Dec 2010.

When I saw him, I mentioned that I was warded due to the fasting and the liquid contrast for the ctscan had upset my stomach, he asked why did I go for the ctscan. Caught me by surprise as he was the one who asked me to go for the ctscan.

He mentioned that he will be transferring me to another onco, as he will be switching over to colon cancer.

Was it a coincidence? That was what my previous onco said before I was transferred here, and I found out from another breast cancer patient that she is still seeing my previous onco.

I wonder why I was transferred from one onco to another. Was it because I did not agree to continue with conventional treatments?

CTScan, Blood Test, X-Ray

2010-12-24T16:32:00.000+08:00

Blood test done on 13 Dec 2010 - cancer marker CA153 is 26.3.

As I had not had another CTscan in recent months, this scan was compared to the one done on 7 Jul 2008.

There is
interval appearance of isodense (same) to hyperdense (more) nodules in right chest wall, suggestive of metastases - I have new nodules on my right chest wall;
interval resolution of bilateral pleural effusions - meaning no more fluid in lining of lungs;
interval appearance indeterminate tiny hypodense focus in segment 2 of liver - there is still nodules in my liver, and there is one that has grown from 0.9cm to 1.1cm
largely stable extensive osteolytic (loss of calcium from bone due to cancer) / sclerotic skeletal lesions - stabilized, there is no new spread to the bones.

Chest x-ray, done on 20 Dec 2010 when I was admitted, showed several thoracic and lumbar vertebra show end plate deformities, likely suggestive of bony metastasis. - These were the old ones from before.

The CTscan and X-ray results recommend further action.

CT Scan

2010-12-23T15:41:00.001+08:00

I had an appointment with my onco, Dr JC on 20 Dec 2010, and he wanted me to have a CTscan of my chest and abdomen, and blood test before my appointment.

13 December 2010, I went for my CTscan and blood test.

I had to fast for four hours before my CTscan. Before the CTscan, I had to drink 2 cups (one upsized followed by one regular much later) of liquid contrast. Before I finished the upsized cup, I was already feeling bloated. While waiting, I was feeling mild pain and my stomach felt distended. When the nurse brought the second cup, she took one look at my face and told me I don't have to take it if I didn't want to. I didn't.

Before I went through the machine, I was hooked up on intravenous feed for more liquid contrast. The procedure did not take long, but when I left the hospital, my stomach was already not feeling good.

For the next few days, my stomach was in turmoil. If I didn't eat, I would feel faint. If I ate, I would get all jammed inside, followed by fever, vomiting. I tried home remedies but I just couldn't get rid of the gas trapped inside. I had lost my appetite. I was also having problem holding down plain watery porridge seasoned with salt and sauce. It got so bad, that when I looked at the food shows on tv, I felt like puking.

I lasted one whole week before I decided that I had had enough, called an ambulance and went back to the hospital.

At the hospital, I was immediately put on drip, and was seen by a fresh-faced, young intern (I think). He was asking questions concerning my medical history. As I was running a fever, he ordered urine and blood tests, and x-ray. I told him my stomach was the cause of my problem, but he did not accept that. He wanted to know if I was menopausal and when was my last period. My menstruation had stopped when I started chemo in January 2008. 2 years later (which was about 6 months ago), I had one last menstrual flow, which my ayurveda master attributed to clearing out the system.

When he heard my last menstrual flow was 6 months ago, he included a test for pregnancy. I insisted that I was not pregnant, that I was already menopausal, but he would listen. I gave up, I was sick, I had not eaten properly for a few days and I was in no mood to argue with him. When the nurse saw the request for pregnancy test, she pointed out that I was already menopausal, but he still referred to the fact that my last menstrual flow was 6 months ago. I am sure that when he pulled up my records on the computer, he would have seen that I was diagnosed as having advanced and terminal metastatic breast cancer, that I just had a CTscan which would have ruled out any possibility of pregnancy, I was past 50, and yeah, I forgot to mention that I had gone through ligation. Pregnant?? That was it! I told him firmly - I can assure you that I am not pregnant. That did it - no pregnancy test.

Next, a nurse took me for an x-ray. I was weak from not eating well, I had one arm hooked onto a drip, I was cold and I had to struggle to get out of my top and into hospital gear for the x-ray. Fortunately, I had some help with the undressing and dressing up from the nurse.

Then, the x-ray machine jammed. The nurse left me standing there holding the drip while she went to get help. I was feeling weak and cold and near collapse, when she finally returned with a senior nurse. The senior nurse was shocked to see me standing there with the drip. She quickly got me a chair to sit down and found something to hang the drip, and at the same time, telling off the nurse for leaving me in that manner. I was so grateful that I smiled as I was too weak to reply.

I was warded and discharged on the third day.

Indigestion

2010-11-20T14:54:00.001+08:00

November 2010

On the eve of my maternal uncle's funeral, I attended his wake. The weather was cold and it had rain earlier. It took me more than an hour to reach there by public transport. By the time I arrived there in the late evening, I was feeling a little hungry and cold.

I took some of the catered food provided, but I guessed it didn't quite agree with my stomach as I was feeling a little bloated. However, I stayed for the service, but before the service ended, my lymphedemic right arm was in pain.

I have noticed that whenever I fall sick, especially with fever, my right arm would be the first part of my body to be affected. And when the fever subsided, my right arm would still remain red and very warm, like inflamed. And it usually takes a few days for the redness to disappear and the temperature to return to normal. So, I have resorted to using ice-packs to bring down the temperature of my arm, and this has proven to be very effective.

A cousin helped me with energy-healing therapy and it gave me some relief. When I got home, I took a cup of hot-boiled milk with ghee and honey, and went to shower.

I wasn't feeling good but had not realised that I was running a temperature. When the water fell on me, I started shivering uncontrollably, despite adjusting the thermostat to near maximum and staying under the running hot shower.

I was still shivering so hard even with sweater, socks, gloves and long pants on, that my family had to cover me with blankets as well. After some time, I threw up and the shivering stopped. It was much later that I broke out in sweat that I felt better. And as before, I nearly passed out while throwing up, which was why I would always sit on the floor with a waste paper basket lined with plastic bags.

Death of maternal uncle from prostate cancer

2010-11-19T17:49:00.001+08:00

November 2010

My mum's youngest brother died from prostate cancer sometime in November 2010.

When he was first diagnosed initially with early stage prostate cancer, either he was not told specifically the consequences of inappropriate treatment or he had misunderstood.

When the cancer spread, he sought treatment at a private hospital as the family felt that he could receive better treatment there. However, despite chemotherapy, the cancer continued to spread.

One of his daughters asked me about alternative treatments, but for some reason my uncle held back. I had told him about the ayurveda herbal brews that I am taking as well as a doctor at the Thong Chai Free Medical Clinic. This particular specializes in treating cancer patients and also has his own clinic elsewhere where he charged a consultation fee. It is for those who could afford to pay and who did not like to wait in the long queue at Thong Chai Medical Clinic.

By the time, my uncle decided that he needed alternative treatment, it was actually too late. He was already in pain and had difficulty walking. My uncle had chosen to see the tcm doctor at his clinic as he was also recommended by one of his friends. After a few doses, his condition still could not be stabilized. The tcm doctor told him, "then there is nothing I can do for you".

Following that, my uncle asked to see the ayurveda master. I could not recall how many weekly doses, he went for, but he could not be saved.

One must remember that alternative medicine is not a miracle cure. That it takes time, and that the earlier one starts on traditional herbal brews, the chances of survival is better, especially before submitting oneself to chemo and radiotherapy.

Check-up 27 Sep 2010

2010-10-04T21:07:00.004+08:00

I just had a check-up on 27 Sep 2010, so it is another overdue post.

Okay, it's nearly crunch time now - my marker is not co-operating with me, or maybe I asked for it. It has inched up again to 17 from 15.7 in July.

My onco noticed the new lump above the surgical line and I pointed out the two lumps below the collar bone.

Just my observation, and I may be wrong, but I thought the young male oncos are not very thorough with physical check-ups, probably not too comfortable about the procedure. I wonder if that was one of the reasons why my previous onco switched to colon cancer. Well, I am actually not really bothered by the physical check-ups, given my age and the fact that I have on numerous occasions had trainee doctors young enough to be my children poking me all over during my hospital stays. But then, nowadays, cancer is not limited to young at heart, middle-aged ladies like me and I can understand their apprehension when they have a young pretty female patient.

My onco said the ca marker is still ok, but to me that is not okay. It has been inching up since Jan this year and is the highest since I stopped chemo 2 years ago. Something is not right.

Gosh! My memory is leaking. I can't remember if my onco asked whether I wanted conventional medication. But I think he did because I remembered saying 'no' to something he said. Anyway, he suggested a ctscan before my next appointment in Dec 2010, and added that is if I didn't mind having the contrast or some chemical in my body.

I have fixed the appointment for the ctscan but have not decided if I will go through with it.

For the records, my onco had a male guest with him throughout my appointment. One who did not look like a trainee, but I have no idea why or what he was there for.

Again, I did not mention the pain in the collar bone and in the chest area as the pain had disappeared before my check-up. If I did, my onco might have rushed me for a ctscan and check-up as soon as possible.

In contemplation

2010-10-03T19:43:00.004+08:00

Certain events happened in the past months have made me think hard about my cancer, and I have come up with new realizations.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, the tumour was 5cm big. As it had spread to the lymph nodes, it was considered as stage 3. Till today, I am convinced that the biopsy caused the cancer to spread to my lymph nodes.

I realized that with grade 3 cells and metastasis to the lymph nodes, the cancer was not completely obliterated. It did not go into remission. It has simply been brought under control.

I have the feeling that it was just hovering around waiting for an opportunity to surface again, which was why a chain of events caused a relapse less than a year after my surgery.

November 2009, an unexpectedly strong verbal attack by an acquaintance left me stunned and fuming mad that 3 days later, 2 small lumps appeared just below the surgical line.

August 2010, I had an altercation with a friend and two days later, one lymph node just below the right collar bone was affected. Another lymph node which had shrunk after I applied energy healing therapy became bigger.

I continued with energy healing therapy on these two lymph nodes and they were showing improvements when about a month ago, my husband got on my nerves that I lost control and the affected lymph nodes became bigger. There was also pain in one spot of the collar bone. Again, the energy healing therapy got rid of the pain.

Of late, I have been mostly feeling tired and I am aware that it is not a good sign.

I must add that I had been busy with other stuff and not having adequate rest. The conditions were just right for the lumps to re-appear.

Check-up on July 12 2010

2010-10-02T12:36:00.005+08:00

This is about my check-up done on July 12 2010, and is long overdue.

My bloodtest done a few days earlier showed my cancer marker (CA15-3) has gone up again. It is now 15.7, up from 14.6 on 19 April 2010.

My previous onco had decided to switch to treating colon cancer. Hmmm.... I wonder why, maybe overwhelmed by the sights of mutilated breasts.

So, I have a new onco again. He is Dr JC, who I understood had just returned from further training.

When I went in, he was going through my casefile. He was rather surprised that I am not on any conventional medications. I mentioned that my previous oncos had wanted to prescribe, but that I had turned them down as I preferred alternative and natural therapies.

When I said no to hormonal therapy, he suggested Zometa. I turned that down too and he commented that I was 'naughty', and asked what I wanted them to do for me. I shrugged and he gave me an appointment in three months.

He asked what therapies I am on. I said ayurvedic herbal brews, some other natural medicine and energy healing therapy (chakra adjustment). He did not think ayurvedic helped much, and that he would agree if it had been tcm as it has a long history. In fact, ayurvedic also has a long history. Can't blame my onco for not knowing that as he and others have been so trained and conditioned to think that conventional is the only way to go that they probably won't even look at alternative medicines.

He also commented that he is of the opinion that the conventional therapy I had was the one that got rid of my cancer, and that had I undergone conventional therapies as recommended after my mastectomy, I would not have had the relapse. He could say whatever he wanted but I was sure I did not agree with his statements. After my mastectomy, I was recommended 4 doses of chemo, plus hormonal therapy in-between, 5 weeks of radiation, 1 year herceptin and 5 years Tamoxifen. I recalled my first medical onco called it 'the whole works' as I was ER+, PR+, HER2+, stage 3 with mets to lymph nodes, and with grade 3 cancer cells.

Even then, my onco could not guarantee that I would not get a relapse, but that it would reduce my risks of a relapse. I was not assured. I am still of the opinion that if I had gone through that, I would have gone down faster and would not have been able to run around like what I am doing now.

My current onco did admit that from my casefile, he had expected to see a sickly looking patient instead of a spritely-looking one like me.

Apology for no update

2010-07-27T18:24:00.003+08:00

I am sorry to cause concern to friends and family that they are contacting me by phone or email to find out about my well-being. It was not very nice of me to keep them in suspense. My apologies.

I am actually doing very fine, but just caught up with volunteer work that I don't have the time nor energy to update my blog.

I just realised that my last post was about my last medical check-up, and well, I have just had another check-up 2 weeks ago. I hope to post an update on that as soon as possible.

My update

2010-05-06T17:39:00.003+08:00

I had meant to post an update on my condition soon after my checkup on 19 April 2010, but was caught up in other stuff instead.

Cancer marker (CA153) is 14.6, up from 13.3 (on 25 Jan 2010). My cancer marker went up by 1.3 and is the highest so far since Aug 2008, but fortunately it is still below the normal of 25.

My cancer marker going up did not catch me by surprise, I had expected it. I had been stretching myself out the few weeks before my checkup and I had felt mild pain in the chest around the surgical area where the 2 lumps are.

I knew if I mentioned it to my onco during the checkup, he would most likely recommend chemo. During the checkup, when the onco asked if I had felt pain, I said 'no'. I did not mean to lie but that was the only way I could choose to hold off chemo for now, giving me a chance to go alternative. He was also satisfied that my marker was still below normal.

I had done an assessment on myself. I had given it a lot of thought and consideration.
The pain was mild. And other than that, I felt fine.
As for chemo, my body is just not ready for another round. I am still taking herbal brews for my liver and kidneys and I am aware that they have not fully recovered from the last chemo even though it was nearly 2 years ago.
My right arm is still lymphedemic and more chemo is going to cause damage to more lymph nodes. I really don't want that.
My knees are still weak.

I have seen and heard of so many cancer patients who went through chemo or radiation with each relapse suffering from the conventional therapies and end up losing their lives. I don't want to take the same route. I don't want to be reduced to a wreck, fully dependent on others and with no quality of life.

Yes, I am aware that once the cancer had metastasized to the bones and lymph nodes, chances of it coming back is very high - like my onco said, it will come back, it is only a matter of time. However, there are a lot of alternative therapies around and I hope to rely on them to help me get through this.

I have had training in chakra adjustment therapy and ever since I felt the pain, I have been using it on myself. Additionally, I have been to the adjustment centres and I have had help from the other members. Now, the pain is gone and the lymphedema in my right arm seemed to have improved slightly.

I am still on weekly herbal brews and carnivora capsules and liquid extract. I go for qigong and taiji once a week (it is grossly insufficient and I hope to do it more often). I am trying to rest more and sleep earlier, however, old habits die hard (sigh). I started taking some liquid calcium in capsule form when I noticed my fingernails tear easily. Also, I try my best to make time for my spiritual side.

This is my life and my choice and I not saying that everybody should follow me, but I always feel that I know my body better.

Be cautious with recommendations

2010-05-05T17:25:00.005+08:00

As a cancer patient myself, I have had my fair share of recommendations, by well-meaning people, on all kinds of stuff purportedly capable of curing cancer.

When faced with a recommendation, by all means ask questions. Afterall it's our life that is at stake.

On our part, ask questions like :
1. Is the person who is recommending a cancer patient?
2. What type of cancer?
3. What stage was it and how aggressive are the cells?
4. What type of conventional treatments has the person gone through?
5. What other type of medications, supplements, therapy, etc, is the person taking or going through at the same time?
6. Ask about length of time and effects or side-effects as well.

If the person cannot provide answers to these questions or if the recommendation is based on hearsay, I would not even consider it.

As for the recommenders, I understand and appreciate their concerns, but would expect them to be responsible and do a thorough check on the product. By all means share, but never insist or persuade, and have respect for others' decisions, unless they can be answerable to the patient and family.

Also, as far as possible, I would not allow myself to be a guinea pig for new products. If the product is new, there could be long-term effects that are yet to surface.

Once the cells turned cancerous, are aggressive and has metastasized to other parts of the body, bringing the cancer under control is not as easy as some people think.

For me, it is a combination of sorts. I believed in traditional herbal medicine (though it is slow-acting), but the practitioner must be specialised in cancer and comes with credentials. Our lifestyles, emotions, diet and faith are equally important. Of highest importance, learn to love our body and pay attention to the messages that our body is 'sending' to us.

And, if the combination has made me feel better, then I would stick to it. It would be safer then, than to try everything that is recommended.

E, NPC patient's final journey

2010-04-22T16:59:00.003+08:00

The following article appeared in a January 2010 edition of The New Paper :

Just 5 minutes on stage gave him strength to fight cancer

Student endures to fulfil dream of performing solo in concert

Egan Supharta Mercubuwono has only one thing on his New Year's to-do list: Live. Last Sunday, he realised his dream of playing a solo piece on his flute before a packed audience at the Victoria Concert Hall. Now, he wants merely to make it to school when it reopens on Monday. Unlike most others, Egan will have to take it one day at a time this year. The reason: The Yuying Secondary School student was diagnosed with stage three nose cancer in September. At the concert, with eyes shut in deep concentration, Egan's fingers danced over his instrument at his school's annual concert. "It is very painful to play the flute as my neck aches," said Egan. "I get headaches. "But when I play, it takes the pain away from my mind. It helps me forget my problems."

This article was written by Hedy Khoo and appeared in The New Paper of 20 Apr 2010 (I could not upload the article and am reproducing it here.):

He lived his life to the fullest : Mum

Flutist student who pledged to live through the year dies of cancer

He made a New Year resolution that he was going to live through the year. But that was not to be.
Despite his determination to win his battle against nose cancer, 16-year-old Egan Supharta Mercubuwono succumbed to the disease on Sunday.
The New Paper had published a report on the Yuying Secondary School student on Jan 1 this year for his performance of a flute solo during a school band concert at the Victoria Concert Hall.
He did that even though he was undergoing treatment for stage three nose cancer, which he was diagnosed with last September.
Speaking to The New Paper at his wake yesterday, his mother. Madam Khanti Mercubuwono, 42, an accounts assistant, said: "Even though my son's life was very short, he lived it to the fullest and refused to give up even in the face of death."
Egan's parents had teken him to Malacca on April 11 to seek treatment.
Said Madam Mercubuwono: "He had not been feeling well. Two days ago, on Sunday afternoon, we decided to bring him back to Singapore, but he passed away in the ambulance on the way back."
Madam Mercubuwono said the family held a simple Christian prayer ceremony on Sunday evening.
She said they will be leavingtoday for Jakarta for the burial.
His family moved there from Jakarta in 2006 as his mother wanted him to study here.
Almost a hundred of his schoolmates from Yuying Secondary School turned up in the pouring rain yesterday afternoon to bid a last farewell to him at the funeral parlour at Sin Ming Drive.
Among hem were members of the school band, of which Egan had been the drum major.
Many cried as they paid their last respects at his casket. But there were also smiles as they recalled their fond memories of Egan.
A close firend, Tan Guan Shin, 15, said that his friend, who could draw and learnt to play the guitar on his own, had wanted to be an artist or musician.
Recalling their last time together two weeks ago, he said: "The whole band visited him at his home. We had an assessment performance the next day at the Singapore Youth Festival.
"He made us promise him to get a distinction grade. I am glad we managed to live up to our promise."

He cheered us up
The youth added that he also admired Egan for his positive attitude.
He added: "He even cheered us up with jokes. He never once complained about his illness."
True to form, in his last Facebook status updates on March 30, Egan had written: "Impossible is nothing."
Other schoolmates considered Egan a natural leader and livewire.
Said close friend Amanda Ang, 15: "Everyone wanted to be friends with him. We liked him because he loved to joke. But we also respected him as a leader."
He was mischievous too, said schoolmate Kelly Wong, 15.
"He liked to stick his leg out and cause us to trip, but we never could get angry with him because he would win us over with his smile," she said.
Among their fondest memories of him was during a class in January.
Recalled Jasmine Koh, 16: " We each had to introduce ourselves to our new English teacher by saying our name and our CCA.
"When it was Egan's turn, he said, 'My name is Egan and I am a cancer survivor'."
Madam Mercubuwono said she had not known how popular her son had been at school until he became sick with cancer.
Touched by the many schoolmates who visited him throughout his illness, she said: "It was everyone's encouragement which gave us the strength."
Her son's death will be hard to take as he always made the home lively with his chats and laughter.
She added: "He taught me what strength is and to cherish life.
"I hope that anyone who has to battle with cancer will have his same spirit, to never give up - until the very end."

18 Apr, Sun, 9.30pm - Sms from K forwarded to me by WC : "He is much better now. No more pain. He is in Father's house. Happy. Thanks for helping him."

I was still staring at the sms and thinking, 'does this mean that he is gone', and yet at the same time half-hoping that I had got it wrong, when WC called. She shared my thoughts about the sms. We decided that WC should contact K.

WC called me again. It had been confirmed. He was gone, passed away in the ambulance while on the way back to Singapore.

E's family arranged for a one day wake in Singapore for friends and schoolmates to say their 'goodbyes' before they brought him home to Jakarta for burial.

WC, 2 CSX volunteers and myself went to his wake on Monday, 19 Apr.

From his mum, we learnt that he had been warded in a Malacca hospital for 3 days where he had blood transfusion. KKH had earlier refused to give him further blood transfusion and Gleneagles had said there was no necessity for one.

On Sunday, 18 Apr, his parents were bringing him back to Singapore, but he passed away sometime after the departure from Malacca and before they even reached the Causeway.

We also learnt that it was the same friend who had reccommended the bio-...(?) treatment to him on Thursday, 15 Apr, and who had brought him and his parents to Malacca for TCM treatment on Sunday, 11 Apr. E had stayed in Malacca for 1 week, and we had no idea who the TCM was, his address as K had depended on this friend to lead the way. Neither do we know what sort of treatment he gave to E.

From what we undersood, this friend was one that K and E had met recently while at a hospital.

She might have meant well with her intentions to help E recover, but one must remember that there is a limit to how far one can go or how much one can do to help a cancer patient, especially one in E's condition, which was very advanced and had metastasized to the bones.

Helping E, NPC patient (continued)

2010-04-17T16:10:00.007+08:00

I include here, in chronological order, E's condition from 4 to 13 April as reported by volunteers from CSX (Chang Shen Xue - 长生学) and WC, an NPC support group member.

Apr 4, Sun - Sms from WC : E is in pain. K thinks he can’t go in a taxi.
(Note : I had actually planned for E to receive chakra healing therapy at Kim Mui Huay Kuan from 4 to 8 April, 5 continuous days of therapy, as our teachers would be present. I had felt that with many years of experience each, it would be a good opportunity for E to make progress.)

After much persuasion from WC, K (E's mum) agreed to bring him for chakra adjustment therapy.

Apr 6, Tue -
4 CSX teachers from Taiwan + a couple of volunteers
Mr W, our principal teacher, gave him therapy as well while he was being transferred to the ambulance to be sent home.
More than an hour of chakra adjustment therapy

K brought E to Kim Mui Huay Kuan where CSX was conducting training for new students.
E was in a lot of pain and we had much trouble transferring him from the front passenger seat of the taxi to his wheelchair.
His skin had a tinge of yellow as compared to 24 Mar when he was at Gleneagles. He also had red spots on his head (rashes-?).
K mentioned that E started having fever in the morning.

E had to be treated while seated on his wheelchair.

2 CSX teachers from Taiwan attended to him.
Initially, E was very uncomfortable and kept asking to be sent home. 2 more CSX teachers from Taiwan were requested to attend to him and they were joined by a couple of CSX volunteers.

His condition stabilised and he fell asleep on the wheelchair. After more than an hour of therapy, he was sent home by ambulance.

Sms from WC : K said doc gave E 2 weeks.

Apr 7, Wed -
CSX volunteers : 3
About 2 hours of chakra adjustment therapy
They reported that he was fine.

Sms fr WC : TCM Dr Long saw E. Said E has a clear mind, his heart and lungs are good, so he still has a chance.

Sms fr WC : E sat on wheelchair. He could carry a packet of ensure milk in his hands and drink.

Sms fr WC : E wants to do chakra adjustment therapy although he could not explain why. Said his fever was brought down by chakra adjustment.

Apr 8, Thu -
CSX volunteers : 2 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon
About 2 hours of chakra adjustment therapy in the morning and more than 1 hour in the afternoon.

When the volunteers arrived in the morning, E was already seated on the wheelchair, and fed himself breakfast at the table. He could wheel himself around on his wheelchair.

Chakra adjustment therapy was done on him while he was on the wheelchair and he kept dozing off. After about an hour on the wheelchair, he awoke and requested to be transferred to bed, where he soon fell asleep while the therapy progressed.

The therapy session was about to be wrapped up when one of E's family friends came and K told the volunteers that they were bringing E for some bio-----(?) treatment.

E was fine throughout and did not complain of pain.

The afternoon volunteers said E reached home after 3pm. They did chakra adjustment for him while he was lying in bed and did not notice anything unusual about him.

Sms fr WC : E is in good spirits today.

Apr 9, Fri -
CSX volunteers : 2 started at 9.30am and were to be relieved by another pair at 11am.

The first pair started at 9.30am and the second pair was requested to go over earlier at 10+am. The whole team continued till about 12+.

When the first pair arrived, E was lying in bed and did not seem to be in good spirits.

He had a big red patch on his left hip.

Throughout, he could not fall into deep sleep and constantly complained of pain on his right ribcage and especially on his right lower leg and sole of his right foot. K switched on the aircon as E was perspiring and also she was concerned about the red spots on his head.

The second pair was scheduled to take over at about 11am, but had been requested to go over earlier to help with the other chakra points, spinal column and vital organ as E was in a lot of pain and the first pair had to help E manage his pain.

E’s pain was so intense that he even felt the pain when the energy flowed through him during the chakra adjustment. Also, his heart was racing and he was breathless.

The volunteers stopped at his request, and he was really down.

He had not complained of pain the day before, and he said that the pain was very mild the day before, but it was very severe then, about the same level as on 6 Apr.

He said it was because of the wheelchair, probably meaning the transfer between wheelchair and car. K requested for break from chakra adjustment therapy on Saturday and Sunday.

Sms fr WC : E is ok and in good spirits. He has settled down. He knew the pain is due to moving him on Thursday. Rash on head subsided.

Sms fr K : E is ok now, but still in pain.

K had requested for a break from chakra adjustment therapy for Saturday and Sunday.

Apr 11, Sun -
Sms fr K fwded by WC : K had brought E to Malacca today for TCM treatment as she said that E was in a lot of pain these past few days, and didn’t really want to eat.

Apr 13, Tue
Sms fr K : E’s pain has improved slightly and he does not need much pain killer. However, his red blood cell and platelet count is still quite low.

I understood that he had gone for blood transfusion while in Malacca.

Reflection :

Here are some of my thoughts on E's case.

1. As a cancer patient myself, I must admit that I failed to comprehend the magnitude of E's pain. As I was not with E all the time, I had to depend on K to provide me with updated and detailed information of his condition. However, I understand K's desperation and state of stress and confusion her mind is in, so it would be reasonable to assume that K may not have been able to convey the necessary information concerning his mobility and transfers in relation to his pain level.

2. It did not occur to me then, that the coordinator might have a list of volunteers that we could call on for help. It was a coincidence that the coordinator was also involved in organising the April 3 - 8 training class as well as helping young cancer patients in KKH. Initially, there was not enough volunteers to provide E with daily therapy.

With my limited information and resources, I had then requested K to bring E down to the adjustment centre in Kg Senang on 31 Mar, Wednesday, and subsequently to the training centre at Kim Mui Huay Kuan on 4 - 8 April. This request was made as I felt E would have a better chance where we have more experienced volunteers at Kg Senang, and at the training centre, where our teachers are available. I had also hope that E could have received 5 straight days of therapy from the teachers which would be a great benefit to him. For transportation, I had obtained information on a private ambulance that provided 2-way transfer at a very reasonable rate.

However, K only managed to bring E down on 6 April after much persuasion from WC. Now, I realised that it could be K knew it would not be easy to move E by car, but she did not specifically mention this problem to me. In fact, she told me that E could sit in a car with the seat reclined.

Nevertheless, even with whatever information and resources I had then, I felt and still feel that WC and I have done our best, especially WC, and that whatever decisions we have made or course of action we have chosen, they were deemed to be the best at that time and taken with E's interest at heart.

From E's case, every obstacle we came across and every step we took is knowledge and experience gained.

Helping E, NPC (nasopharyngeal cancer) patient

2010-03-31T21:36:00.008+08:00

E is a 15 year-old (Indonesian Chinese boy) npc patient and the cancer has spread to his bones He was introduced to the NPC support during the Sentosa outing on Mar 23 by LO, the new leader of TRC since HH's passing.

WC is an active member of NOC support group and this is her email on her first visit to see him :
"I saw E on 15 March for the first time. His condition was very bad. He could not move his right side body due to pain on the bones. He was admitted (to Gleneagles Hospital) that night. 16 March, he started on RT on the bones. He was discharged on 26 March. During this period, he was given RT on the NPC to control his nose bleeding."

E's condition according to WC :

"K (E's mum) showed me E's medical reports last night. E was diagnosed with stage 3 NPC by Dr S in Sep 2009. Because he is a junior, so he had chemo in KK hospital. 4 cycles of chemo, cisplatin + 5FU + 3 other drugs. The report stated tumour remained unchanged after chemo. That means, he did not respond well to chemo. At the end of chemo in Dec, his cancer spread to bone. He was scheduled to start his RT 33 rounds in NCC from 5 Jan. E read about Chemo and RT in the internet and decided to stop treatment after 7 rounds of RT. His mother went along with his wish. She also felt that he should be treated for his bone
cancer spread instead of just doing RT for his NPC."

"Having stopped RT and CT, she brought E back to Indonesia and saw TCM who guaranteed her 99% of cure. After one month, there was not much improvement. In Feb 2010, she brought E to Gleneagles Hospital to see Dr KW for a second opinion. The cancer is spreading fast to the bones, and he is having pain. He did chemo."

WC's email on 22 Mar :
"I visited E, the 15 year old boy in Gleneagle last sat and sun. I made him vege/fruit juice and also potato + cauliflower puree. He ate it. I was so glad. I taught the mother K to make the puree. I make a portion of the vege/fruit juice today, and my colleague will bring it to him when she knocks off at 3. 30 pm."

"E started on radiation on his bones from 16 Mar for 12 times at Gleneagle. He is bedridden and on morphine to control his pain."

"I spoke to K last sat (20Mar). She told me an NPC spread to bone survivor visited E. His name is RS. I was delighted. K showed me the recipe he gave. Almost the same as mine, except that he is more "guru" than me. "

I called R on sat night. He was diagnosed in March 2005, stage 1, and hence had RT only. In 2007, he had a relapse, stage 1. As chemo is for stage 2 and above, he was left with the option of surgery, since he could not tahan another round of RT. In 2008, his cancer spread to the bones. Quite a number of location is affected, and doctors pronounced no cure for him. He made the doctor wrote a statement on that. He is now on palliative care. He searched and reflected on the cause of cancer, and decided to change his diet and lifestyle. He is now on oral chemo everyday for life. He is now a volunteer in 365 cancer society. He told me this is founded by Billly Wang. When I checked this with J (CCK), who is also a volunteer there, she said 365 is trying to break clean from Billy Wang, cos the latter started his own group."

"Anyway, R says he is the key person for NPC contact in 365. I asked if he has heard of the NPC support group, he said NO. I asked if he would like to bring his patients to join our support group, he said he would have to refer to his society. I stopped there. I did not want this issue to turn political. We are not trying to grab his patients. We want to keep clean of political and commercial interests. On a gentleman spirit, I invited him to join our support group meeting. He can see for himself if he would like to expose his patients under his care to have more friends."

"R sounded enthusiastic to speak to me. I told him I was very happy to know there is a survivor of such case, which doctors have given up hope. He sounded energetic, talking and talking for almost one hour. From what he said, I think he is a sensible counsellor. He calls his remedy - "diet therapy" for cancer patients. Almost the same as what J, and some of us are doing."

"We hope to set up a meeting with R and B, who did the face surgery in TTSH. These two have some similarities in their condition, and I hope R's case on daily oral chemo may bring some light for B."

WC's email on 25 March :

"Yesterday (24 Mar - Wednesday), I visited E at Gleneagles. His condition improved a lot. He could even turned his body and rest on his right arm! How amazing! He could talk and lift both hands. But he said his hands were weak. I told him to exercise his fingers and hands to regain the energy."

"Last sunday (21 Mar), he was in great pain and could not move his body. He asked, how long is this going to be? When is this going to end? Yes, I asked those same questions 4.5 years ago."

"I could only help in his diet, but not his pain."

"I could not remember whether it was sunday night or monday. I flipped the newspaper or magazine, and the words "chakra healing" flashed across. I thought of (a friend) and immediately I asked for her help. She conveyed to her senior, J and eventually, somebody (J himself) from her chakra healing group went to help E. K was so grateful. That was monday."

I could not remember whether WC contacted me on Sunday (21 Mar) or Monday (22 Mar), asking if chakra adjustment could help relieve pain. I said it was possible and got in touch with J, volunteer coordinator and a senior, of the chakra adjustment volunteer group, and he went down on Monday to help E.

As of 1st April, if I am not mistaken, E has received at least 5 sessions of chakra adjustment.

E is only 15 and his condition spurred all of us to rally round to help him and his mother with whatever knowledge and experience we have. He is very weak and fragile and very thin and could not sit up for long.

WC and her NPC support group are taking care of his diet and nutrition, and members of the chakra adjustment volunteer group are providing him therapy healing.

We are doing our best to help him in his progress, and are not taking chances and anything that will hamper his progress or that will worsen his condition, we tried our best to remove it. Like telling his father, through his mum that he should not smoke in the house. We also took issue with his bed. That's right fengshui.

His bedhead was facing a window and the other end was facing the door. All I know is that it is an energy-draining position, but my friend said it is a 'coffin' position. So my friend roped in her friend, who has fengshui knowledge for help. His mum has been advised to shift his bed and certain pieces of furniture in the house.

Part of WC's email on 30 Mar :
"K kept asking me, why his condition did not imrpove, despite heeding the doctor's advice. One lady at Gleneagles commented that K delayed the treatment. So K felt so guilty and kept asking me. I could not answer her. But I told her to ignore what that lady said, because she did not know what E has gone thru. K says she will not give up hope. The report just says, progression of spread, to be monitored. I know the agony - the decision making, going thru the pains, and now seeing worse condition, the disappointment, despair, helplessness, etc. I could only console her that there is no absolute right or wrong. We just have to move on. Since the medical option is not working, we will look to food therapy, which I think R can help. The Chakra healing will help to relieve the symptoms and give him some comfort, but she will have to look for some concrete ways to counter the fast growing cancer spread. I offer no solution. I was at a loss. The responsibility is so heavy. I was not sure if I had done the right thing. When I gave her the juice, I let the mother feed him. I was glad to see he can accept my food. I think this is important. I don't dare to feed him in case anything goes wrong. As I went home on sunday night, I also asked myself if I'm doing the right thing. And I felt so stressed up, being so helpless."

When a child becomes so sick, his doctor has rated his case as 'no cure', usually it is the parents, especially the mother, who is suffering more. The decisions she has to make on his behalf, hoping that every single one she made is right, and the overload of information she has to handle are enough to floor anybody. She can only stand by, watching her son suffer, but unable to share in his suffering and pain. It is a parent's nightmare.

With our combined efforts, we hope that E continues to make progress.

Today, 1 Apr, E has gone for a check-up but has to be warded for blood transfusion as his bloodcount was very low.

Art Therapy

2010-03-29T18:18:00.007+08:00

27 Mar 2010 - Saturday - My daughter and I attended an art therapy session organised by the Psychosocial Oncology Dept at NCC. Its aim is for family members to bond through art.

We warmed up with drawing outlines of our hand or foot, and getting other attendees to outline theirs on our paper. Then we had to identify the outlines through the owners.

Next, was the squiggles and doodles that we left on one and other's papers before coming back to our own and trying to make sense of our collection of squiggles and doodles.

Finally, comes the big piece of canvas that all of us laboured on with our love and bonding. My daughter decided on the theme and did the sketching. I helped with the painting and probably messed up her idea as well. I think it did not matter how the painting turned out, but we enjoyed ourselves messing with the paints.

The organisers are planning an art exhibition for our labour of love sometime in April in an art gallery in Joo Chiat. Cool, artists wannabes.

The products of our labour of love :

'The Unwavering Tree' is our combined efforts.

Its precarious position represents the resilient spirits of cancer survivors in overcoming difficulties to lead meaningful lives.

Sentosa outing with NPC support group

2010-03-23T17:10:00.009+08:00

Saturday, 13 March 2010 - 3 of us from TRC joined the NPC (nasal pharyngeal cancer) support group on one of their fringe activities. The theme for their fringe activities is 'exercise, eat right and be happy' and this time it's a nature walk in Sentosa.

Having not been to Sentosa for a long time, I was surprised to note the many new developments and changes that have taken place. The flora was evident and plentiful but unfortunately, the fauna was missing, the free-roaming ones, that is.

We took the monorial from Vivocity at Harbourfront. A return ticket costs S$3.00 and we could either get the one-time return ticket from the station counter or use our transitlink card.

The monorial consists of 2 carriages and each has limited seats. One of the bench-like seats in our carriage was occupied by several young and healthy-looking men (very likely from China). We, a group of middle-aged and mostly greying-haired people, were left standing around them. They were looking at us chattering and laughing away but none bothered to offer a seat. Courtesy is dead. Not surprisingly, they got off at the very first stop, which is the Resorts World. I wonder why young men like them cannot stand even for a few minutes and every seat they come to, they have to grace it with their bums. Fortunately, that incident did not dampen the liveliness of the group. We certainly do know how to enjoy ourselves.

We alighted at the Imbiah Station and wandered and walked, up on the elevated boardwalk, through the nature walk, past the waterfalls and on the sandy beach of Siloso, and all the way to Palawan Beach where we lunched at Samundra Restaurant. This restaurant served North Indian Food. The owner of the restaurant is Mr Wong Chak Wai who is also an NPC member. After a sumptuous meal, he showed us how to make yoghurt using organic milk and we went home with a box of yoghurt each.

It was indeed time gainfully spent and we made new friends and learnt a lot from the NPC members, who is a very active support group.

The monorial

Merlion

Flora providing delightful colours along the way.

Luge - part go-cart, part toboggon

The 'Tiger Sky Tower', Singapore's tallest observatory tower.

The elevated boardwalk, forming part of the nature walk.

Imbiah Falls

Part of the nature walk

Siloso Beach

Learn how to surf from here

My lunch - chicken curry on naan.

Interior of Samundra Restaurant - nice ambience.

From the Beach Station

Counselling and groupwork therapy (cont'd)

2010-03-16T17:56:00.002+08:00

Mar 9 and 10 2010, was the last two days of the counselling and groupwork therapy training sessions with 3 doctors and 1 nurse from Vietnam.

We did role-playing of cancer patients and caregivers attending a therapy session.

My persona is the husband of a breast cancer patient. My 'wife' was not keen to continue with chemo as she believed that it was not necessary and was an added suffering. I, 'the husband', wanted her to listen to the doctors and continue with the treatments prescribed.

It was interesting to play the role of someone who is opposed to how I feel about conventional cancer therapies.

I have not attended any counselling session or training before and I am also not very good at role-playing and in a setting like that, and with the facilitator, who is also the trainer actually, playing such a convincingly role, I kept getting my role and my actual self all mixed up.

Towards the end of the session on the 10th of March, we did some sharing of our own experience with cancer. I recalled that when I first suspected and later was diagnosed as having cancer, I had no time for tears, and no time for feeling sorry for myself. I was intently trawlling the internet for information on breast cancer, how best to fight it, the conventional therapies and their side-effects, the questions to ask the doctors, alternative therapies available and what worked.

I recalled that I was pretty much on my own, as those around me did not have the answers I sought. Even if they could not provide me with information, it was consolation to me that they were there for me and provided me with a sounding board when I had information overload.

I recalled that after surgery, I attended a talk for newly diagnosed patients and was very disappointed to find that survivors who were present as support members (I think it was the Breast Cancer Foundation - BCF) were not pro-alternative therapies at all.

How much radiation and chemotherapy can our body take?

2010-03-04T17:52:00.000+08:00

One of my neighbours has an aunt with breast cancer. The cancer has relapsed and spread to her brain. The aunt is now totally immobilised and is warded in Dover Park Hospice.

I shared with her LY's story of how she became gradually immobilised after completing her prescribed 12 doses of whole brain radiation therapy, delivered every single day for 12 days with the exception of Saturdays and Sundays. Each dose lasted 15 minutes. With each subsequent dose, she was getting weaker. LY had multiple lesions in her head which was why she required whole brain radiation therapy.

Radiation surgery is for one or two lesions in the brain and is more targeted.

When my neighbour heard that, she said that her aunt's condition is exactly the same as LY's, meaning that she became totally immobilised after completing her whole brain radiation therapy. My neighbour's mum, the patient's sister, and the maid could not cope and they had to send her to Dover Park Hospice.

I wonder if it was necessary to administer such a heavy dosage and in so many doses. What is the survival rate of patients who had received similar treatments? How well did they fare and how long did they live? Unfortunately, we will never know as no statistics has been released. The only two I know of - one is gone and the other is bedridden, and I don't know how long more she can last.

I had a long chat with WC on 21 Feb, Sunday. She is a nasopharyngeal cancer (NPC) patient. Like me, she is anti-conventional and very pro alternative and natural. She was prescribed 6 doses of chemo, but she stopped at 3 and her condition is under control and she is doing fine.

WC and I strongly believe that too many doses of chemo and receiving chemo again with each relapse would be too damaging to our body, and it would be harder for our body to fight back and recover.

A friend, KK, was diagnosed with colon cancer more than 10 years ago. She reacted badly to her first dose of chemo that the oncologist discontinued with her chemotherapy. She had had radiation therapy, but I am not sure if she had surgery. It has been more than 10 years since and she is doing fine. Her case could be genetic as her sister, mum and mum's sister all died from colon cancer at around the age of 40.

I received 5 out of 6 doses of chemo and the ayurvedic master is still struggling with the repair of my liver and kidneys, and it is already nearly 2 years after my last dose of chemo.

I know of a couple of other cases who did not complete their recommended number of doses and who are doing fine with alternative therapies.

If I am not mistaken, the several members that TRC lost in the last few months had had chemo with each relapse. Of course, there could be other factors involved, as I do not have the facts and details. And again, we have no access to statistics.

All I know is that our body comprised of flesh and blood. Chemotherapy is chemical therapy. Chemicals that are usually poisonous and harmful to us. What happens when we apply poisonous chemicals to flesh and blood? Chemo is administered by iv into our blood vessels. They then passed through our whole body, through our organs causing damage, sometimes irreparable, especially to the liver and kidneys.

If given a choice WC and I would prefer not to go for chemo again should we get a relapse, and would rather depend on natural alternatives. We will see how it goes.

Counselling and groupwork therapy

2010-03-04T16:51:00.004+08:00

The Dept of Psychosocial Oncology at the National Cancer Centre is conducting a training programme (counselling and groupwork therapy) for 4 Vietnamese healthcare workers (3 doctors and 1 nurse) from 23 Feb to 13 Mar 2010.

They needed patient volunteers for role-playing and I volunteered myself for 3 sessions that will be held at NCC. The email mentioned 'live patients' - mmm.... hmmm... I wonder what they were thinking of.

I have attended the 1st session on 1 Mar, Monday, which is on art and craft. My next two volunteer sessions are on 9 and 10 Mar at NCC. Those will be groupwork training and practice sessions.

The art and craft session was not the usual art and craft stuff that we expected. Rather, it employed a combination of objects, and fine sand, paper and colouring materials, etc to allow or encourage an affected person to express himself/herself. It is called expressive therapy.

We started off with an '3-2-1' ice-breaker, where we introduced ourselves, followed by 3 things we are good at, 2 things we disliked and 1 wish. Some of us preferred to say 3 things we liked instead of good at. No as easy as it seemed when asked on the spot, and it needed some pondering to get our answers out.

Expressive therapy using figurines and other ohjects to express our feeling at that moment.

And this is mine = blue sea and sky and a spherical glass ball (marble), depicting peace and calm.

TRC 'Lohei'

2010-03-04T16:05:00.004+08:00

The Revival Connection (TRC) , a support group for patients with recurrent cancers, held its Chinese New Year 'lohei' on 27 Feb 2010, Saturday, at the lobby of NCC.

Since TRC lost its two co-founders and several members over the last few months, the 'lohei' mood seemed a bit subdued and with lesser attendees than last year's.

HH's family contributed the two plates of 'yusheng', and the other food were contributed by some of the members.

Another fallen warrior - SH

2010-02-25T19:36:00.003+08:00

A cousin introduced me to SH, her ex-colleague, when SH and I had our relapses. She was also a breast cancer patient, about my age, and her two kids are younger than mine.

SH was about a year into Tamoxifen when she found out that the cancer had spread to her bones. My cousin had introduced her to ayurvedic herbal medicine, but SH preferred to stick to conventional therapies instead. I understood she had also gone for qigong.

I had met her a few times at the National Cancer Centre when I went for my appointments but had not seen her for the last few months.

My cousin informed me that SH had passed away on 21 Feb, Sunday. Her liver had failed.

I don't know how far her cancer had spread, and I don't know how much chemo she had received, all I know is that she had been fighting the relapse ever since, and it has been more than two years.

Would SH have fared better if she had opted for alternative medicine instead? I wonder.

Year of Tiger

2010-02-18T18:32:00.005+08:00

It's the year of the tiger and I thought I may just pay tribute to the felines, the small harmless ones we can see sleeping in various endearing positions in and around our neighbourhood. I extend this tribute to the caregivers of the felines as well.

Sometime last year, a friend who had been a caregiver to the community cats for some years got me interested in cats through his blog and facebook posts. Through him, I got to understand the cats better.

I have always been and still am a dog lover. I do not mind the cats though, but just thought that they have this attitude, where they either like you or they don't. If they do, they will come 'meowing' and rubbed themselves against you, and if they don't, they will scramble away upon your approach.

However, no matter how much I loved dogs, I would not approach any dog, stray or otherwise and pat them, one never knows when they will bite. Unlike dogs, cats are different. If they come 'meowing', you know they are friendly. There are some that like to bite and scratch in playfulness.

Ever since my interest in cats was aroused, I had been paying attention to them, observing them and stroking them when I could.

There was this calico that allowed me to pat it. As I straightened up to move away, it used a paw to pat my foot. I stroked it again and made a move. Again, it patted my foot - it did not want me to leave! Unfortunately, I could not stay long with it, so I stroked it again and made a quick exit. I walked away exhilarated - wow, this kitty certainly knew how to communicate its intentions. Smart kitty that was!

I noticed that cats can really focus when something catches its attention.

It was also this same calico that helped an owner find his lost cat. He had been searching for his missing cat for 3 days and had put posters up. I was passing by when I noticed this calico had its gaze fixed on something up on the crossbeam of the covered passageway. I followed its gaze and saw a ginger cat squatting on the crossbeam. I called the number stated on the missing cat poster. The owner came and confirmed that it was his cat. It's probably worth considering to enlist the help of a streetsmart kitty to find a lost pet cat.

We used to have a very sick cat in the neighbourhood. Sometime ago, the sick cat crossed my path and hopped onto the cement ledge skirting the void deck. I called his name and he 'meowed'. I called a couple more times and each time, he 'meowed'. I left it and later went down with some water for it, but it was gone. I searched for it for a couple of days and asked the cleaners, but nobody had seen it. I was told that sometimes when a cat knew its end is near, it would find itself some place and spend its last moments there. I wondered if the cat had come to say 'goodbye'. It seemed that they have the ability to communicate but humans may lack the ability to grasp their message.

And there was this white Siamese that liked to sleep on the switchbox which was located some 6 ft or so above ground. I was rummaging through my bag for my mobile to take a picture when a lady passed by, laughed and commented that the cat had such a perculiar behaviour and that the switchbox seemed to be its favourite sleeping place. It could be that the cat realized that it could sleep without being disturbed there. But its perculiar sleeping habit had turned itself into a conversation piece for humans, who would otherwise have passed each other with hardly a look or a smile.

I have actually made some new acquaintances through the cats.

Some months ago, I found a tiny little black kitten on the void deck of my block while on my way home late at night. I had tested the reactions of the resident cats there, but one hissed at it and the other took a swipe at it with a paw. I could not leave it there but I did not know how to care for such a young kitten. Fortunately, a few days earlier, I had spoken to a cat caregiver who lived in the private eatate nearby and had asked for her address. I decided to send the kitten there even though it was late and drizzling slightly. Her husband took the kitten from me and assured me that they would take good care of it.

About two weeks before the Chinese New Year, I chanced upon the lady walking her dog and feeding the cats. She told me that the kitten is now much bigger and has a slender long body. She invited me to her house to look at it. This kitten is now so much different from the scrawny and frightened little kitten when it was first found. It is so playful and noisy too. It is a female and not old enough to be neutered yet. They did not want to run the risk of it being impregnated should it run out of the house, so they bought her a 3-tier cage with a hammock. In the night, she gets to sleep with the caregiver's daughter. Looks like the kitten is living a life of luxury now. Am I glad I made the right decision to send it to her.

In the course of our conversation, she mentioned that her husband is stationed in Malaysia and while there, he is feeding the cats too.

As a cancer patient, I find stroking animals to be destressing and therapeutic. While I have a puppy at home, I find the friendly felines to be an added and extended therapy. I am aware that my cancer is a result of stress caused by human related problems. Sometimes I find life such an irony that animals can provide the therapy to undo the harm caused by humans to fellow humans.

When one has been down that path before as I have, one would have realized that there is more to life, if only one learns to appreciate the things around us.

I am fortunate to have benefitted from the fruits of the labour of love provided by the cat caregivers, who put in so much time, effort and money unselfishly to care for the community cats. For all their sacrifices, all they asked for is that the cats be safe from harm.

May the year of the great cat (Tiger) protect the felines from harm, human induced or otherwise, and may the HDB have a change of heart and remove its ban, and allow HDB dwellers to keep cats as pets.

Some minor hiccups - 2

2010-02-18T17:49:00.004+08:00

EY had earlier told me that the ayurvedic master had mentioned that if we could just consumed ghee + boiled fresh milk + honey alone and avoid solid foods for 6 months, our recovery could be faster and we could shortened the length of time that we had to be on medication.

So on 8 Feb, I decided to give it a try. Afterall, I am not a foodie and it would save me the trouble of deciding what to eat at mealtimes.

I took this concoction for the whole day, but also took some snacks with a cup of milo in the afternoon as I was hungry.

Come Tuesday, 9 Feb, morning, and my head was swimming. I was feeling giddy. Probably lack of nutrients or low in potassium as I had not consumed any salty stuff. I didn't wait to find out and took a normal meal for lunch, after which I was back to normal, more or less.

I will be checking with the ayurvedic master about the ghee milk diet when I see him next.

10 Feb, my daughter said she wanted to make pancakes. I said, "great, let's have pancakes for lunch". Bad idea! After the pancake lunch and by late afternoon, I became sick again. I was very dizzy, and it was worse than the day before.

Fortunately, my daughter was with me and I asked for some Himalayan rock salt. I took the salt neat at intervals and also ate some dinner. Had to apply essential oil on my tummy as well as I realized that I was having digestion problems.

Fortunately, by 9 - 10pm, I was feeling much better.

I realized that after chemo, my stomach has now reached a stage where it is not accepting whatever I put into my mouth, so no more lazy man's meals for me. Probably the pancakes made with flour was a bit too much for my stomach to digest.

Some minor hiccups - 1

2010-02-18T17:08:00.008+08:00

The few days starting from 31 Jan 2010 to 6 Feb, I was having a lot of problems with my hands.

The skin on most of the fingers and the fingertips were chapped and hurt like crazy when there was contact. Fortunately the forefingers and thumbs on both hands were fairly okay and I managed to do some two-finger typing.

I had to use plasters to prevent them from cracking further and to aid in healing. It was a bummer as I had spring cleaning to do for the coming Chinese Lunar New Year.

On 30 Jan, when we used acrylic paints for art therapy, some of the paints got on my fingers. Despite washing them off, my hands were itching later. I have been suffering from sensitive skin problems and the chemo had made it worse. They are now super sensitive and peeled and chapped easily.

A tcm practitioner commented that I have 富贵手 (literally means rich person's hands) and advised me not to do housework. Yeah, right! That will probably be the day when I am waited on hand and foot, and I don't envisage that happening to me in this lifetime.

I have tried various hand creams and most of them are not suitable. In fact some aggravated the condition. I have found that the hand and body lotion from enfuselle to be very suitable for me, and it's not cheap, costing me more than S$20 for a tube of 8 fl oz or 236 ml.

Art therapy - reflection

2010-02-06T18:22:00.002+08:00

Lotus - resilience
Swans - calm and peace
Bamboo - tough and yet flexible
Flying birds - freedom

I feel that fighting cancer needs all of the above qualities and maybe more.

Being resilient is something I always want to maintain in my battle with cancer, like the lotus growing through the mud.

It helps to be at peace with myself, and have calmness within. Looking at swans gliding gracefully on the water always have that effect on me.

When it comes to decision making where choice of treatment is concerned, I liked that I am an active participant instead of a passive one, be tough and firm and at the same time, flexible where necessary, like the bamboo that will bend with the winds and yet not break.

With a positive attitude, I can free myself and not live the rest of my life under the grip and shadow of cancer, like the birds flying freely in the sky.

The objects individually, hold a lot of meaning for me, even though I got my perspectives all wrong when I put them together in one big picture.

Art therapy

2010-02-01T11:37:00.001+08:00

23 Jan - I attended an art therapy session organised by the psycho social department at National Cancer Centre.

This is actually a 2-part session. The first one is collage art and the second, held on 30 Jan 2010, is acrylic on canvas.

The art therapist and staff of the psycho social department provided the materials. All we needed to bring were our imagination, creativity, and probably no reservations.

We did a nametag as warming-up.

For the main piece, we were supposed to select a title and theme, but I don't know where my mind went and I must have attention deficit that day that I really went wild with my piece. After applying glue and slapping and pressing the pieces in place, I looked around and found that everyone else's was so neat and organised 'poster style', but mine was one big mess.

Upon completion, when it came time to tell a story about our pieces, I didn't know where to begin because mine was like, humm- I think it was anybody's guess and imagination. Main thing was I enjoyed myself no matter how my 'messterpiece' looked like!

My 'messterpiece'!

Compare mine to the pieces produced by the others :

30 Jan 2010 - 2nd part of the art therapy session - acrylic on canvas

The art therapist (I couldn't remember her name) brought us through a relaxation exercise, after which we were supposed to write or draw whatever come to mind, and that would be the theme of our piece.

When I was in school, I had only messed with poster colours on paper, and this was my first attempt at acrylic on canvas.

I wanted to draw lotuses, but I am no van Gogh nor Picasso and my lotus looked like a small kid's attempt. The canvas looked so empty, so I added in 2 swans in the pond. I thought that the sky looked empty too, so I added in some birds. I had the intention of drawing the birds flying to the left, but when I was done, all three birds looked like flying to the right instead. I don't know what happened, but well, at least they looked a little like birds, I think.

HW thought my brick wall was a bridge - yeah, I think so too.

My perspective was all wrong. I forgot the grass behind the wall, so it looked like my pond is suspended on a highland. I couldn't make the bamboo come alive, even with some tips from M, and errmm..., the size of the objects relative to one another...., oh well, 'nuff said.

With acrylic painting, one is supposed to lay on the paint thick, but I forgot and mine looked so 'see-through' with the canvas peeping through the paint.

Anyway, it didn't matter, because at least I managed to produce something. And this is it!

While we struggled with our pieces, my neighbour, LO who loves cats and has 2 at home, mumbled 'my cat doesn't look like a cat'. There were similar mumblings like that too, but we had a giggling good time and it was fun while it lasted.

I was among the last ones to finish and I didn't have time to take photos of the pieces done by the others.

Those lumps

2010-01-27T17:12:00.002+08:00

I am still having problems getting the biggest and first lump, that appeared sometime in Jan 2009, to heal and the abrasion from my undergarment is not helping either. The solid lump feels about 1 cm in diameter and the skin is always red and raw and sometimes bleeding. I had read that if it does not heal it is probably cancerous. With my condition, I am not ruling that out.

I have been using 'gel blister plaster' from Watsons to protect it and aid in healing. Recently, I have also applied Germolene antiseptic cream on it whenever I changed the blister plaster.

The 'gel blister plaster' is actually meant for the foot to protect and help in blister healing caused by footwear. However, my skin is very sensitive to all other kinds of plasters and I had no better alternative.

A friend had recommended duoderm wafer. However, the thin one does not provide sufficient cushion and the thick one gets all soggy after a shower. The duoderm wafer also comes in a big piece and I had to cut it down to size.

Guardian also has its own brand of blister plaster, but it is thinner and smaller and does not provide enough cushion.

Follow-up visit with oncologist

2010-01-27T16:34:00.003+08:00

25 January 2010 - I had a check-up done by my oncologist.

As usual, he did a physical check and asked if I felt any pain or breathlessness, to which I replied that I had none.

He commented that my blood test results were okay.

He surprised me by not mentioning chemo or hormone therapy for the lumps this time round, probably he was aware that I would not agree to either if my blood test results were okay. My next appointment is 3 months' time in April.

My cancer marker for CA153 is now 13.3. I was pleasantly surprised as this is the first time in so many months that it had actually gone down, albeit by 0.6 from Nov 2009. It had been steadily climbing since Jan 2009.

With the appearance of lumps in recent months (7 now), and although I had felt fine, I was kind of prepared and expecting to see the marker inching up again.

Blood test before check-up on 25 Jan 2010

2010-01-25T23:23:00.003+08:00

I usually go for my blood test a couple of days before my appointment with my oncologist as the test for the cancer marker takes half a day before the results are known, and I always want a copy of my blood test results.

It was no different this time round. I went for my blood test on 21 Jan as I also wanted to meet up with AJ at NCC.

AJ was there for blood transfusion as her haemoglobin count was low. She was told that sometimes this situation happens after chemo, and I am not sure if it was also due to her prolonged intake of oral chemo.

AJ needed 2 pints of blood, and the transfusion lasted 6 hours.

Fighting cancer becomes more challenging

2010-01-15T22:07:00.006+08:00

Metastatic breast cancer - I was stage 4 and terminal during the relapse. Multiple liver metastases, multiple bony metastases to thoracic spine, lumbar spine and ribs, metastasis in upper lobe of left lung, fluid in heart lining, fluid in lining of both lungs that tested positive for cancer cells, grade 3 cancer cells and CerbB2 (HER2) positive - I had them all.

Gosh! Come to think of it, my ctscan at that time must have looked like some polka-dotted artwork.

If facts and past figures are any indication, I should have become part of the statistics. However, my being alive is helping to keep the figures down.

Before I knew about the facts and figures, I would have just been doing my best to stay alive. Now, that I know about them, staying alive becomes a little more challenging, that is, it helps to swing the odds in favour of survivors.

Of course the fight is not mine alone. The oncologists with their conventional therapies, and those around me with their support, advices, recommendations - the approach may be different, but we are all fighting one common enemy - the cancer. However, I probably have an edge because the body is mine and I get to choose and decide.

Facts about breast cancer in Singapore

2010-01-15T16:51:00.007+08:00

The following information was taken from 'Calendar 2008', a joint production from Breast Cancer Foundation and GlaxoSmithKline Oncology.

Breast cancer is the most common cancer affecting women in Singapore.

- 1 in 5 cancers occurring among women in Singapore is breast cancer
- Every year, there are 1,100 new cases (based on statistics from 2007 and before) of breast cancer with about 3 women being diagnosed with breast cancer each day. [Note : according to Abreast Link (BCF's newsletter of Oct 2008 - Jan 2009) the figure is 1,300.]
- About 270 (2007) die from the disease each year. (2008 - it was 313)
- 1 in 20 women in Singapore will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime.
- The incidence of breast cancer is highest among women aged 55 to 59. (My note : I am not certain about this as I thought it should be 50 to 59.)

Advanced breast cancer (also known as metastatic breast cancer) where cancer has spread outside the breast to other organs in the body, is the leading cause of cancer deaths in women, resulting in more than 400,000 deaths worldwide.

Breast cancer patients who have too much of Human Epidermal Growth Factor Receptor - 2 [referred to as ErbB2 (HER2)-positive] on the outer surface of normal breast cells are less responsive to hormone treatment. They are also at a greater risk of disease progression and death. 1 in 3 breast cancer patients here are ErbB2-positive.

With no cure for advanced breast cancer, more effective treatment options are needed to give patients more time to do the things they want to do as well as improve the quality of life for patients. The latest innovative targeted treatments help delay the spread of ErbB2-positive metastatic breast cancer and bring new hope to patients who can then cherish and spend more time with their loved ones.

Extracted from the Abreast Link, Oct 2008 - Jan 2009 issue, "breast cancer has overtaken colorectal and lung cancer as the top killer among women".

Breast cancer breakthroughs

2010-01-13T18:44:00.003+08:00

Source : Reader's Digest, January 2010

Cancer treatment options

2010-01-13T17:38:00.003+08:00

I am sorely disappointed that our government should choose to model its cancer treatments after USA only, which based its treatments mostly on drugs supplied by the big pharmaceutical companies. The drugs used are mostly toxic in nature with lots of side effects, and sometimes deadly.

Germany would have been a better choice as it has been a leader in natural and alternative cancer therapies for a long time.

It has taken our government a long time before it recently gave the go ahead for traditional Chinese medicine the recognization as an alternative form of treatment.

I wonder how many more years it will take our government to realize that chemotherapy and radiation are not the best therapies for cancer. I wonder how many patients who not only do not recover and end up dead after being milked dry financially by the doctors who insisted on chemo and radiation as the preferred therapies.

I had just formed an acquaintance with another cancer patient. She said sometimes the cancer did not respond to the drugs prescribed, so her oncologist will introduced another one. She realised that her onco had lined up a whole range of drugs and she was going through the drugs by trial and error. I have heard of this before and it is precisely what the oncos are doing - trial and error. In the meantime the drugs that had no effect on the cancer cells are killing the good cells thus weakening the body.

If my memory did not fail me, I vaguely recalled a newspaper article claiming that cancer patients in Singapore are living longer now. How so? I am not convinced when a rough gauge of the obituaries in the daily papers and those that I know of seemed to tell a different story.

Carnivora and hyperthermia

2010-01-13T17:16:00.003+08:00

The following newsletter warned that Carnivora and hyperthermia is a fatal combination.

If I were much younger and financially comfortable, I would probably have headed to Germany for hyperthermia treatment. But since I am neither, I have settled for Carnivora. And now with this newsletter, even if I were to receive a windfall, hyperthermia would be out for me, unless a break between both treatments is acceptable.

==================================

Farrah Fawcett’s fatal mistake

A U.S. President refused America’s outdated cancer treatments -- Here’s where he went instead

Americans would be shocked if they knew that President Reagan, while still in the White House, turned his back on American cancer treatments. He secretly sneaked off to a German clinic — and lived another 19 years. Why? Because German cancer doctors are the best — thanks to breakthrough treatments labeled "quackery" in the U.S. (maybe because they cost a fraction of American treatments). Suzanne Somers, Cher, William Holden and Anthony Quinn are among the celebrities who have gone to clinics you’ll discover in my first-ever English-language guide to German cancer doctors and treatments. Click here to learn more!

Cancer Defeated is a major source of information about alternative cancer treatments, so several people have asked us why Farrah Fawcett, the famous actress, died of cancer even though she received alternative treatments in Germany.

You may have been among the millions who watched the documentary she made from her deathbed (where she praised her German doctors despite the fact that the treatments hadn’t been successful).

As we’ve said many times, Germany is the world’s top destination for people who prefer alternative cancer treatment. If I had early-stage cancer, I might try some of the at-home treatments first, but if those didn’t work — or if I had late-stage cancer -- I’d head for Germany.

In fact, if I had any stage of prostate cancer — early or late — personally, I’d forget about the "home remedies" and go straight to Germany, because their top method of treatment is extremely effective when it comes to curing prostate tumors.

I don’t say this lightly. Nothing is certain when it comes to treating cancer. Even the best treatments can fail. But this certain type of therapy available in Germany has always been at the top of my list of powerful, effective cancer treatments, from the time I first learned about it.

So you might ask, if German treatments are so hot, why didn’t they work for Farrah Fawcett?

I wondered, too. And who better to ask than Andrew Scholberg, the author of our Special Report, German Cancer Breakthrough? Andy did some investigating, and he found out that Farrah made a big mistake.

Here’s Andrew Scholberg’s exclusive report. . .

Only a handful of people know about the tragic mistake that may have cost Farrah her life. You won’t read this anywhere else, in spite of the thousands of words that have been published about this famous Hollywood actress and her final illness.

Farrah never received one single hyperthermia treatment during any of her six visits to Germany, according to Germany’s number one authority on alternative cancer treatment, Vera de Winter.

It’s ironic that Farrah never received hyperthermia, a potent cancer treatment that German doctors have perfected. In October of 2007 when I was doing research for my book German Cancer Breakthrough, Vera de Winter became my most valued source. She helped me get appointments with Germany’s top cancer doctors who specialize in hyperthermia.

I personally interviewed these top doctors and toured their clinics. In my book I recommend six of these them. If Farrah Fawcett had checked into one of the clinics I recommend, she certainly would have received hyperthermia treatments, and she might still be alive today.

Let me explain what hyperthermia is and why it’s so effective. Unlike normal cells, cancer cells can’t tolerate heat. Hyperthermia uses this principle to weaken and kill off cancer cells.

The principle is the same as a fever. Our immune systems give us a fever when fighting a full-body infection because the high temperatures kill the microbes while leaving our own cells undamaged. In fact, hyperthermia for cancer got started when a 19th century doctor noticed that cancer patients who got a high fever from an infection (such as scarlet fever) often got rid of their cancer.

Since then, abundant research has confirmed that high, fever-like temperatures kill cancer cells. And new technologies have been developed to raise the body temperature for a short time (without resorting to an infection, which can be dangerous in itself). Germany is the world’s number one venue for receiving this advanced, highly effective treatment.

A typical hyperthermia treatment lasts about six hours. During the first two hours the patient’s body temperature is gradually raised to about 105 degrees Fahrenheit. This temperature is maintained for two hours, and then over the next two hours the doctors gradually bring the patient’s body temperature back down to normal. A doctor carefully monitors the patient’s vital signs during this whole process and makes sure that the patient’s hydration is replenished and maintained.

Hyperthermia kills cancer cells by the millions. Any cancer cells that remain are so weak that another therapy such as vitamin C can kill them off. Hyperthermia is effective, safe, and painless. Unlike chemotherapy and radiation, there are no side effects. German doctors have used it thousands of times with impressive results.

Tragically, Farrah Fawcett chose a clinic located in a small Bavarian town called Bad Wiesee that doesn’t offer hyperthermia because of a quirk in the local law – a foolish mistake on the part of local authorities, if you ask me.

Here’s why this one German jurisdiction banned it: Even though the safety of hyperthermia is well established, hyperthermia is absolutely incompatible with an herbal remedy called Carnivora. Let me emphasize that: hyperthermia and Carnivora are a fatal combination!

Several years ago a German doctor created a scandal when he used both Carnivora and hyperthermia on his cancer patients, causing them to bleed to death. That doctor was sent to prison for medical negligence. The town of Bad Wiesee overreacted to this scandal by throwing out the baby with the bathwater: it outlawed hyperthermia. The tragic result is that doctors in Bad Wiesee are legally prohibited from using Germany’s most effective treatment against cancer!

Here’s a brief timeline of Farrah’s cancer ordeal:

October 2006: Farrah is diagnosed with a rare form of cancer — anal cancer — at the age of 59. She receives surgery and chemo.

February 2007: With much fanfare, Farrah’s U.S. doctors announce that Farrah is now cancer free.

May 2007: Farrah’s cancer returns. Her U.S. doctors recommend that she undergo a colostomy — a radical procedure that would have forced Farrah to eliminate her solid waste into a plastic bag for the rest of her life. Farrah says no. She instead goes to Germany and checks into a clinic in Bad Wiesee that had just opened in 2006. Farrah’s German doctor is tickled pink to get a celebrity patient!

November 2008: A heated discussion takes place between Farrah’s Bad Wiesee doctor and Vera de Winter, the founder of several cancer clinics in Germany. Vera urgently tells the doctor, "Farrah NEEDS hyperthermia!" Farrah’s doctor replies, "I’ll do it my way," or words to that effect.

April 6, 2009: Farrah is back in California where she is rushed to a hospital, unconscious. Three days later she is released. She is now back on American cancer treatments, including chemotherapy. One of her American doctors, Lawrence Piro, M.D., claims Farrah is "doing very well" but admits that Farrah is weak from the side effects of chemotherapy.

May 7, 2009: Farrah’s condition deteriorates. It’s described as "critical."

June 25, 2009: Farrah’s battle with cancer comes to an end. She dies at 9:28 a.m., Pacific daylight time.

Vera de Winter personally told me over the phone that Farrah should have received hyperthermia in Germany but did not. Vera’s associate, a Dutchman named Nath Zuckermann, sent me an e-mail that also confirms this tragic fact. Zuckermann told me, "Evidently Farrah Fawcett was never offered any treatments with hyperthermia. She never received one single hyperthermia treatment during her many stays in Germany."

According to my sources, Farrah’s doctor in Bad Wiesee gave her natural supplements and therapy aimed at boosting Farrah’s immune system. But she denied Farrah the best weapon in the German anti-cancer arsenal: hyperthermia. Perhaps the doctor knew she would lose Farrah as a patient if she sent her to another clinic for hyperthermia. She lost Farrah anyway. So did the rest of the world.

Germany has perfected the most advanced non-toxic cancer therapies in the world, especially hyperthermia. The doctors I interviewed for my book use a sophisticated hyperthermia machine costing about a quarter of a million dollars.

But I can’t recommend every cancer clinic in Germany. Most of them, in fact, are pretty much like the cancer hospitals here in America: they use crude and toxic treatments like high-doses of chemo and radiation. But six clinics in Germany stand out above all the others, routinely curing stage-four cancers with an integrative, holistic approach built around hyperthermia. For more information, check out German Cancer Breakthrough.

Back to Lee Euler. . .

I first learned about hypothermia from working with Dr. Morton Walker to create our first Special Report, Natural Cancer Remedies that Work, which we published in 2005 and updated in 2009.

Dr. Walker has been one of the leading voices when it comes to informing Americans about German cancer treatments, including hyperthermia. And hyperthermia is the #1 treatment – chapter one – in Natural Cancer Remedies that Work. Along with Andrew Scholberg’s report, German Cancer Breakthrough, Dr. Walker’s report is a good way to discover more about this valuable alternative cancer treatment.

That plastic smell

2010-01-11T20:16:00.002+08:00

Yup, I am still getting it, not consistently now, but on and off.

Sunday, in the middle of taiji, the smell came back, and it became quite intense when I was shopping with my youngest at Parkway Parade after taiji.

I have never liked the smell of plastic, and had to use essential oil to mask the smell.

My family's probably starting to think that the mummy is going cuckoo, after being constantly asked, 'do you smell it?'

As I have realised that I get the smell even when I am out of the house, and that my family members are not getting it, at least I can be assured that the problem is not with my house.

So, the problem is with me. Maybe my olfactory system 'short-circuited'. Whatever it is, all I can say is that I am not enjoying it one bit, only consolation is that it is not always present now.

Smelling burnt plastic?

2010-01-06T19:38:00.002+08:00

Just a short update on something weird.

Since Monday, 4 Jan, my sense of smell seemed to have gone haywire. I kept smelling burnt plastic or wax, or what?. I couldn't seem to put a finger to it, and when I asked my kids, their responses were, like my youngest put it - 'Mummy, it's only you. We don't smell anything like that.'

I have noticed that after being on oxygen or chemo or a combination of both, my sense of smell was not so acute anymore.

I noticed that even when I am outside the house, I am still getting that smell.

It has already been 3 days now and the smell is still there. So, I don't know what is happening.

How much time can we buy?

2010-01-05T16:10:00.001+08:00

Recently, I asked the ayurvedic master about how long do I need to be on medication. His answer - 5 years. 5 years of ayurvedic herbal brews to build up my immune system to fight the cancer and to repair the damage caused by the chemo.

I have just completed 2 years of ayurvedic herbal medication and this alone has cost me about $20k. Another 3 years would cost me another $30k which means a total of about $50k.

It got me on some serious thinking.

Is it really worth it and how much time can I buy?

Given the nature of my condition and knowing that there is no guarantee against cancer, I am fully aware that there is a possibility that the cancer may return. In the words of my onco - it's a matter of time.

As it is, I now have 7 lumps that I am monitoring. The plus side is that other than occasional aches, I feel fine.

I had mentioned to a cousin that I may stop the ayurvedic medicine and just continue with my other alternatives. She suggested that perhaps I should downgrade to a smaller flat.

How much money can one get out of downgrading from a bigger flat to a smaller one?

My flat is fully paid for now and is therefore not a burden to me financially. If I were to downgrade, I have to pay back CPF whatever I have used with interest and whatever difference there is, it could not be so substantial and would have been gone in a matter of time. Plus, I would still have to worry about the instalments for the new flat.

This is one alternative that I will not consider.

Let's face it - I am already past the half century mark, and with no guarantee that the cancer will forever stay away, should I even consider bankrupting the family and become a burden to them, considering that my three kids have not completed their education and the eldest has just started university?

After the cancer and chemo had done their damage, I have a body that is not as fit as before. The Kota Kinabalu trip was a test of my physical endurance. While climbing up to the canopy walk, my knees and heart were stretched to collapsing point. While the other members of the group were having a jolly good time tossing comments back and forth, I could not even get a squeak out. Fortunately, or unfortunately, before I could determine whether the heart or the knees would give way first, the guide called for a break. Actually my heart cheated, because with my chakra attunement advantage, I had one hand over my heart.

Can we ever finish all our tasks?

2010-01-04T21:07:00.003+08:00

Some weeks ago, during a sharing session with my prayer/meditation group, I mentioned about the discovery of a new lump and my fears of running out of time and not being able to complete the many things that I wanted to do.

My Master said even if I were given 10 more years, I would still not be able to finish all the things I wanted to do.

It's so true. Firstly, it's a fact that we will never be able to accomplish everything that we want to do. Prioritise our tasks and get started on whatever needs to be done first.

Secondly, it's procastination. What needs to be done today should not be put off till tomorrow.

Probably live life like there is no tomorrow. After all, who knows what tomorrow will bring?

When my son was in primary school, I recalled his teacher making him recite a poem about 'tomorrow' for a competition. It's in mandarin and literary translated means 'tomorrow's song'.

　　明日歌
　　明日复明日，
　　明日何其多。
　　我生待明日，
　　万事成蹉跎。
　　世人若被明日累，
　　春去秋来老将至。
　　朝看水东流，
　　暮看日西坠。
　　百年明日能几何？
　　请君听我明日歌!

Meaning in mandarin :
　　明天过去了又有明天，明天真的是那么的多。
　　如果一辈子等待明天，什么事情都会办不成。
　　人们如果被明日牵累，春去秋来很快就衰老。
　　早晨看河水向东流逝，傍晚看太阳向西坠落。
　　人的一生能有多少个明天？请你听我唱唱《明日歌》。

Given my limited mandarin, a rough translation to english is :

After tomorrow is gone, there will be another tomorrow, in fact, countless tomorrow's.
If we always wait for tomorrow, we will never be able to accomplish anything, or will miss a lot of opportunities.
If we allowed ourselves to fall into the bad habit of the fact that there is always a tomorrow, time will pass very quickly, and in no time, we will realise that we have become old.
It is as though we only spent our mornings watching the rivers flow to the east, and our evenings watching the sun sets in the west.
In our lifetime, how many tomorrows can there be?

Wall of Hope

2009-12-22T19:09:00.005+08:00

18 Dec, Friday - I attended the 'Wall of Hope' Thank You cum Christmas Lunch at NCC Staff Lounge, Level 4.

Some attendees at the lunch

I took a photo of the plaque describing what the 'Wall of Hope' project was all about, unfortunately, my photographic skills leave much to be desired and the result was a blurry one, so, I am reproducing the wordings here.

"The Wall of Hope project, a collaborative endeavour between the National Cancer Centre Singapore and Bukit Panjang Government High School, was officially launched by Member of Parliament for Hong Kah GRC, Mr Zaqy Mohamad, on 30 May 2009.

The Wall of Hope was brought to fruition as not only a product of partnership, but also a labour of love, by countless individuals believing in the porspect of possibilities. Students from Bukit Panjang Government High School, staff from National Cancer Centre Singapore and volunteers from the community worked together with numerous well-wishing participants, to design and develop individualised interpretatins of hope through each tile.

The first tile-making session took place on 26 April 2008 at Bukit Panjang Government High School, where 60 participants including cancer patients, survivors and caregivers contributed. Subsequently, 11 more tile-kaing sessions were held at either the School or the Centre. Today, a total of 460 tiles display heartfelt impressions of hope and determination.

The Wall of Hope will continue to serve as a platform for fund-raising activities, the proceeds of which will go to the National Cancer Centre Research Fund. This will allow National Cancer Centre researchers to persevere in their efforts to better understand and ultimately overcome cancer.

Most of us have in one way or another been impacted by cancer. This wall stands as a visual reminder for us to remain resolutely hopeful in our quest to prevail over this disease."

The plaques on the wall

The 'Wall of Hope' erected near the entrance to the carpark of NCC.

Some tiles on the wall

M's contributions on display at NCC before being fixed to the wall.

My daughter's contribution

And my masterpiece

Trip to Kota Kinabalu

2009-12-16T13:07:00.009+08:00

I have just returned from a 5D4N trip to Kota Kinabalu with my prayer/meditation group.

The trip on 9-13 Dec was a very eventful and rewarding, but exhausting trip for me, that by the 4th night, I was totally shagged.

Used to long naps during the day after cancer and chemo, this trip was like a test of my endurance. We were always involved in some activities (most of the members in the group except me, that is) or on the move, stopping only for meals, back at the hotels usually late at night, hitting the beds around midnight and up the following mornings before 7.

Tiredness aside, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. For me, it was a lot of exercise and fresh mountain air. Although, I must admit that our coaches were guilty of contributing to pollution with their exhaust fumes by leaving the engines running.

It was my first trip by air after I had cancer and a relapse. Chemo during my relapse had left me with a lymphedermic right arm. I had been told that if I were to travel by air, I would need a special sleeve for the arm to prevent further swelling. I used the sleeve for both ways (out and back), but from my observation, I didn't think my arm swelled when I was up in the air, because I didn't feel any extra tightness.

As I had not travelled for some years now, except for a short trip by coach to Genting and Ipoh some months back, I was more concerned about packing medication for my condition and completely forgotten to pack other essential medication like panadol and charcoal tablets. Fortunately, I had not needed them.

We had spent the first night at The Palace Hotel in Kota Kinabalu, the 2nd night in The Zen Garden Resort in Kundasang, and the last 2 nights back at The Palace Hotel.

These are some of the photos that I took with my Nokia 5130C. Not being sure of the number of photos and videos the card could accommodate, I was quite selective. Had I been able to work it out, I would have been more liberal with my photo taking.

Day 2, 10 Dec 09 - View from The Zen Garden Resort with Mount Kinabalu in the background.

The Lily - which is edible and available in Singapore in dried form.

This is another type of Lily (I think) in all its blooming glory.

Flowers at the Kundasang War Memorial.

Fruit and vegetable markets, on the way out from Kundasang War Memorial.

My accommodation at No. 3 Pine Lodge, or Pine 3, at the Zen Garden Resort. Pine 3 is an apartment consisting of 4 bedrooms with attached baths, a kitchen area and living/dining area. Pine 3 and Pine 4 (below Pine 3) are housed under one villa.

View from the window of my room.

Another view from the window of my room.

Day 3, 11 Dec 09 - Fish Spa in a river in Kg Luanti. Notice the size of the fish - most of them are longer than our feet.

The after effects - after the fish had sucked the dead skin from the leg.

Sabah Tea factory

Canopy walk in Poring Hot Spring. It was quite a tough, steep climb and I was practically breathless, when thankfully, the guide called for a short rest before proceeding to the canopy bridge. The bridge is less than a foot wide, with nettings running the full length on both side and suspended by ropes and is about 5 storeys high. It is split up into several sections, and only 6 persons are allowed on each section at any one time.

The Rafflesia bud before blooming.

The Rafflesia in full bloom, measuring more than 1 foot in diameter.

Rainbow in the sky after we emerged from seeing the Rafflesia flower.

Day 4, 12 Dec 09 - Manukan Island where we stopped to feed the fish with bread supplied by the hotel.

Fish feeding frenzily on the bread.

Impromptu fish spa on the jetty.

Sapi Island - Millions of fish! Interesting, how they made a beeline (or fishline) for the bread thrown to them.

Snorkelling at Sapi Island.

Day 5, 13 Dec 09 - Gaya Street Sunday Open Market

Kittens and puppies for sale. Most of the puppies are of pedigree breeds. Poor things! I hope they don't end up abandoned.

Antique irons - similar to those used in my childhood days.

Fish soup for lunch before we proceeded to the airport for the flight home.

When death becomes a reality

2009-11-28T14:16:00.005+08:00

When I found the newest lump on 25 Nov, I was reminded of the last relapse, when the lumps were appearing one after another, that I lost count. The last time, it had started on the right chest wall and had moved to the base of my neck and upwards.

This time, my first thought was that it might spread to my brain given the aggressiveness of the cancer cells.

I had mentioned that the discovery of new lumps brought no fear, but frustrations and disbelief. Actually, it did bring on fear, but it was not the fear of death, rather, it was a fear of not being prepared for death. It was a stark reality of facing death head-on.

I admit that the last couple of days passed in a blur. It was like time was runing out for me and yet there are so many tasks that I have left undone. I was mentally going through the tasks and yet at the same time, I was aware that I may not have the energy and time to cope with the fight and the unfinished tasks. After I overcame the last relapse, I had eased off, became complacent and living life as normal as possible.

Uppermost in my mind was my children. I worried about how they would cope without me around. I worried about their health, their future, their everything. I had tried so many times to broach on the subject of death with my eldest, but he has always felt uncomfortable about discussing the possibility that my death may be untimely. With my girls, I had talked easily about my death with them. But I suspected that they were not taking it seriously yet, because they could see me still so lively and still nagging and scolding them.

I am aware that it is my attachment to my children that made me worry so much about them. I just could not let go.

Now, I must also instil discipline in myself, be focused and make it a priority to see to that 'to-do-list', just in case the AM was wrong.

My apologies

2009-11-28T12:54:00.002+08:00

I apologise for causing undue stress and worry to family and friends about my last posting on my health.

I had a talk with the AM yesterday, asking him about the lumps and the aches.

He explained that he is clearing my liver. The chemo had shriveled my lymphatics so it is already not performing at optimum. He said I must have taken some cold or sour stuff that aggravated the situation by causing them to choke up, and the chokages appeared as lumps.

As for the aches, it is nothing unusual as the lumps and 'wind' pressed on the nerves, it will caused pain.

I am no expert on the anatomy, but I got a gist of what he was explaining to me.

He assured me that there was nothing to worry about as he would take care of all that. All I need to do was be obedient and watch what I eat. For the cold stuff, I admit that I have taken a lot of ice cream lately and the sour stuff could be the enzyme that I was also taking.

Dare I take him at his words for it? I do.

After fighting cancer for more than 3 years and experiencing a relapse, all those lumps and aches and pains became all too familiar. To the oncos and cancer survivors, it can only mean one thing - relapse. I had actually felt fine, other than being tired and my cancer market was still below normal.

When 1 new lump appeared on Wednesday, I had my doubts and thought that the AM was not being frank with me when I asked about the lumps a week ago.

Strangely, the thought of relapse did not bring on fear. Instead it was one of frustrations and disbelief.

I practically had an arsenal fighting my cancer, i.e. my faith, ayurvedic herbal medicine, Carnivora, Chakra healing, exercise, etc. So, what went wrong? Is it lack of rest/sleep, emotions, diet?

I didn't have time to dwell on that. I stopped my one cup a day coffee immediately, and emailed Carnivora to replenish my Graviola capsules. I had also been planning to engage the help of my chakra adjustment buddies.

After the AM's explanation and assurance, I guessed I had reacted too fast. I supposed after what I have been through and seeing what happened to others, I learnt that taking proactive measures and fighting is probably the best way out. I am aware that sometimes we win and sometimes we lose, but it's enough to know a darned good fight was fought. However, I do admit that I am exhausted by the long drawn-out battle, which never seemed to end.

New lump

2009-11-26T19:08:00.003+08:00

I was diagnosed in Sep/Oct 2006, had surgery on Nov 2006, had a relapse in Sep/Oct 2007. Now, when the months passed into the second half of the year, subconsciously, I had been wary.

25 Nov 2009, Wed, I discovered another new lump. This one was just about an inch below my right collar bone. I hated it when they appear so high up, like gunning for my brain.

I have one lump on my right since Jan this year and it had remained stable. But some months back due to abrasion with my undergarment, the skin broke. I have been trying hard to get the skin to heal, and it did improve with chakra adjustment, but with new chafing, the skin broke again.

I noticed that the new lumps appeared after the skin on that first lump broke. Now, that lump has become bigger. I now wonder if that lump is malignant, and with the breaking of skin and the grade 3 cancer cells, it has now caused a relapse? Looks like the tenacious tentacles of cancer had its grip on me again.

The AM has assured me that it was not cancer. I am aware that sometimes he does want to be forthright in case the mind started getting all negative and worked against the body.

However, I could feel the slight aches when there was pressure on my nerves on the right side of my chest, and I don't think I am wrong about that.

I had been considering if I should blog this. In order to raise awareness, I do, but unfortunately, I will be causing stress, worry and concern to those around me, which is what I hated.

To blog or not?

2009-11-26T18:20:00.003+08:00

I was cleaning up the 'contacts' on my mobile and email and deleting those of people who are no more around when a thought came to me.

Quite a number of bloggers passed on and their blogs are left suspended with their untimely departure. I wonder if their followers feel a sense of emptiness when they visit the blogs and realized that there will never be anymore new postings .

I do consider that and wonder if I should stop updating my blog now and close it while I am still around.

This thought has been uppermost in my mind recently, since I realized that I have another fight on my hands about my health again, not that I have stopped fighting for my health for more than 3 years, but this is another new hurdle and I am still considering my strategy.

I really don't like to leave something hanging, and yet I am not sure whether it will be beneficial to anyone if I blog about my new round of fight.

Chemo drug blunder at KKH

2009-11-19T17:49:00.003+08:00

Recently, KKH made a blunder out of administering chemo drugs by continuous infusion to two cancer patients.

The patients received the recommended doses of chemo in a matter of hours instead of over 3 days, for one, and 5 days for the other.

KKH claimed that the blunder came about because the two pumps for longer and shorter infusion times were similar in appearance.

According to the media, KKH seemingly responded accordingly and had the situation under control. However, according to blog postings made by the son of one of the patients, this was not the case. The attitude and response of this patient's onco were even more appalling.

From my experience at NCC and the blog posts of how KKH handled the situation, I got the idea that KKH falls short of expectations. I am really surprised by their slow reaction, and I wonder why it was the pharmacists who came to them first.

While I was undergoing chemo, there were several times when I mentioned to the attending nurse that I was itching, immediately the drip was stopped and the doctor on duty was paged. While waiting for the doctor to turn up, the nurses would be checking on me and even asked to see the itching spots.

Once, the chemo drug leaked and burnt the skin on my arm causing blisters. On advice from my onco, I went to the ATU to show the nurses my blisters and burnt marks. The doctor on duty was called, and the nurse took measurements and photos of my wounds as well. I had asked why they had to do that and was told that it had to be on record.

As I was always asking questions, the moment I cast any doubt about the prescription, dosage or drug, the attending nurse would call my onco for confirmation. They would not proceed without my onco's okay.

When handling such toxic drugs as chemo, the persons administering should exercise extra caution as the toxic drugs would be injected into a patient's body, and at risk here is the patient's health and life.

Funny swine flu video

2009-11-16T09:28:00.001+08:00

Eye on the Flu Shot

What goes into that flu shot (the hilarious version)

H1N1 Flu Vaccine exposed

2009-11-16T09:10:00.004+08:00

This article was taken from Dr Mercola's website and reproduced here in its entirety as it is available to members only.

Studies show that flu vaccines are unsafe and ineffective. This presentation by the Thinktwice Global Vaccine Institute includes a visual depiction of flu vaccine production -- how the flu vaccine is made and what it contains.

Dr Mercola's comments :

The video by Thinktwice Global Vaccine Institute offers a good summary of what every person should know about the seasonal flu vaccine; how it’s made, and its effectiveness.

Signs and Symptoms of Influenza

As most of you probably know, influenza is a contagious viral respiratory infection. Symptoms include:

Fever

Chills

Runny nose

Sore throat

Cough

Muscle aches

Fatigue

Decreased appetite
Typically, the condition will improve after two to three days of bed rest, although some symptoms may persist for about a week.

What many people do NOT know, however, is that death caused directly by the flu virus is very rare. The vast majority of so-called “flu deaths” are in fact due to bacterial pneumonia – a potential complication of the flu if your immune system is too weak.

Other complications can include ear- or sinus infections, dehydration, and worsening of chronic health conditions.

The elderly and people with other pre existing medical conditions such as asthma, diabetes, or heart disease, are at higher risk of developing pneumonia after a bout of the flu.

The Flu Vaccine Does Not Prevent the Flu, nor Protect Against the Vast Majority of Flu-Related Deaths

The conventional treatment for bacterial pneumonia is an antibiotic, not a viral flu drug, so to think that taking a flu vaccine will prevent death from pneumonia doesn’t really make sense.

“But the vaccine will prevent the flu, which will prevent the possibility of developing pneumonia,” some might say.

That sounds good in theory, but the statistics simply do not support this assertion.

Because study after study, and master studies that compile the results from several studies to get a more objective result, keep coming to the same conclusion: Flu vaccines DO NOT WORK, and in many cases do more harm than good.

In fact, one shocking statistic brought to light in this video is that BEFORE the CDC advocated vaccinating children under the age of five, the number of children dying from the flu was very low, and on the decline.

Then, in 2003, just after children aged five and under started getting vaccinated, the number of flu deaths SKYROCKETED. The death toll was enormous compared to the previous year, when the flu vaccine was not administered en masse to that age group!

How anyone can consider a strategy that yields a higher death toll to be a “success” is a mystery to me.

The Problem with Flu Death Statistics

However, as frightening as much of this may sound, it’s important to keep things in perspective. According to the statistics shown in the video above, more Americans die from asthma, and even malnutrition each year, than the flu.

Unfortunately, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) grossly distort the facts about flu deaths, making the flu virus seem far more dangerous than is warranted. On the CDC’s main flu page, they state that about 36,000 people die from the flu in the United States each year.

But if you search a little harder, you can find the actual number of people who died from the flu in 2005 (this is the most recent data that’s available) was 1,806. The remainder was caused by pneumonia. In 2004, there were just 1,100 actual flu deaths.

The statistics the CDC gives are skewed partly because they classify those dying from pneumonia as dying from the flu, which is inaccurate.

How is the Flu Vaccine Made?

This is another area that many people do not understand or take into consideration before getting a seasonal flu shot.

In January or February of each year, health authorities travel to Asia to determine which strains of the flu are currently active. Based on their findings in Asia, they assume that the same strains of viruses will spread to the U.S. by fall.

At this point, U.S. vaccine manufacturers start making that season’s flu vaccine, which will contain the strains found in Asia. However, if the viral strains circulating in the U.S. that season are not identical to those in Asia, the vaccine you receive is a complete dud.

And to add insult to injury, you’ve just been injected with a laundry list of harmful ingredients.

What’s in the Seasonal Flu Vaccine?

The flu strains selected are cultivated in chick embryos for several weeks before being inactivated with formaldehyde, which is a known cancer-causing agent. Then they’re preserved with thimerosal, which is 49 percent mercury by weight.

Even many health care professionals are confused about this and are not aware that the preservative thimerosal is mercury. As a quick side note, one of my chief writers told me that, “the doctor’s office told me the vaccine does not contain mercury, just something called thimerosal.”

Please, don’t be fooled by this incredible ignorance. If you have carefully studied this issue there is a great possibility you may know more than your physician about this topic. Don’t back down if they tell you something you otherwise know to be true.

According to the CDC, the majority of flu vaccines contain thimerosal. Some contain as much as 25 mcg of mercury per dose. This means that it may contain more than 250 times the Environmental Protection Agency’s safety limit for mercury.

By now, most people are well aware that children and fetuses are most at risk of damage from this neurotoxin, as their brains are still developing. Yet the CDC still recommends that children over 6 months, and pregnant women, receive the flu vaccine each year.

In addition to mercury, flu vaccines also contain other toxic or hazardous ingredients like:

Aluminum -- a neurotoxin that has been linked to Alzheimer’s disease

Triton X-100 -- a detergent

Phenol (carbolic acid)

Ethylene glycol (antifreeze)

Betapropiolactone - a disinfectant

Nonoxynol - used to kill or stop growth of STDs

Octoxinol 9 - a vaginal spermicide

Sodium phosphate

How Safe is the Flu Vaccine?

Serious reactions to the flu vaccine include, but are not limited to:

Life-threatening allergies to various ingredients

Guillain-Barre Syndrome (a severe paralytic disease that is fatal in about 1 in 20 cases)

Encephalitis (brain inflammation)

Neurological disorders

Thrombocytopenia (a serious blood disorder)

How Effective is the Flu Vaccine?

Remember that the potential effectiveness of a flu vaccine is dependent on the ASSUMPTION, made nearly a year in advance, that Asia’s viral strains will be the ones hitting the U.S. When they guess wrong, the vaccine is worthless from the very start.

But does that mean they withdraw the flu vaccine when they discover it contains the wrong strains? NO! They just keep giving it out anyway.

But even if they were to overcome that hurdle and actually select the correct strains, there’s still no evidence that it does anyone any good to get a flu vaccine.

Study after study comes back showing the same dismal results: the flu vaccines are not an effective method of prevention of the flu, and they do not save lives. As mentioned earlier, they may even be responsible for an increased death rate in some groups.

Sometimes determining efficacy is as easy as reading the information coming straight from the vaccine manufacturer.

How about this quote taken directly from the flu vaccine FLULAVAL’s package insert (which you likely never see when getting the flu shot) for the 2009-2010 formula:

" FLULAVAL is an influenza virus vaccine indicated for active immunization of adults 18 years of age and older against influenza disease caused by influenza virus subtypes A and type B contained in the vaccine. This indication is based on immune response elicited by FLULAVAL, and there have been no controlled trials demonstrating a decrease in influenza disease after vaccination with FLULAVAL.”

That’s right, NO controlled trials demonstrating ANY decrease in your risk of contracting the flu at all after vaccination! (It also states that each dose contains a total of 25 mcg of mercury.)

For those of you who are still unconvinced, know that there’s plenty of scientific evidence available to back up the recommendation to avoid flu vaccines. In addition to studies mentioned in the video, here are several other examples showing that flu vaccines do not work for any age group:

A study published in the October 2008 issue of the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine found that vaccinating young children against the flu had no impact on flu-related hospitalizations or doctor visits during two recent flu seasons.

The researchers concluded that "significant influenza vaccine effectiveness could not be demonstrated for any season, age, or setting" examined.

A 2008 study published in the Lancet found that influenza vaccination was NOT associated with a reduced risk of pneumonia in older people.

This supports an earlier study, published in The New England Journal of Medicine.

Research published in the American Journal of Respiratory and Critical Care Medicine also confirms that there has been no decrease in deaths from influenza and pneumonia in the elderly, despite the fact that vaccination coverage among the elderly has increased from 15 percent in 1980 to 65 percent now.

In 2007, researchers with the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious

Diseases, and the National Institutes of Health published this conclusion in the Lancet Infectious Diseases: “We conclude that frailty selection bias and use of non-specific endpoints such as all-cause mortality,have led cohort studies to greatly exaggerate vaccine benefits.”

A large-scale, systematic review of 51 studies, published in the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews in 2006, found no evidence that the flu vaccine is any more effective than a placebo in children. The studies involved 260,000 children, age 6 to 23 months.

Last but not least, I think it says a lot that 70 percent of doctors and nurses, and 62 percent of other health care workers do NOT get the yearly flu shot.

The reasons why they opted to not get vaccinated were:

They didn't believe the vaccine would work

They believed their immune systems were strong enough to withstand exposure to the flu

They were concerned about side effects

Might Influenza be Little More Than a Symptom of Vitamin D Deficiency?

Vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” may very well be one of the most beneficial vitamins there is for disease prevention. Unfortunately it’s also one of the vitamins that a vast majority of people across the world are deficient in due to lack of regular exposure to sunshine.

Published in the journal Epidemiology and Infection in 2006, the hypothesis presented by Dr. John Cannell and colleagues in the paper Epidemic Influenza and Vitamin D raises the possibility that influenza is a symptom of vitamin D deficiency.

The vitamin D formed when your skin is exposed to sunlight regulates the expression of more than 2,000 genes throughout your body, including ones that influence your immune system to attack and destroy bacteria and viruses. Hence, being overwhelmed by the “flu bug” could signal that your vitamin D levels are too low, allowing the flu virus to overtake your immune system.

At least five studies show an inverse association between lower respiratory tract infections and 25(OH)D levels. That is, the higher your vitamin D level, the lower your risk of contracting colds, flu, and other respiratory tract infections:

A 2007 study suggests higher vitamin D status enhances your immunity to microbial infections. They found that subjects with vitamin D deficiency had significantly more days of absence from work due to respiratory infection than did control subjects.

A 2009 study on vitamin D deficiency in newborns with acute lower respiratory infection (ALRI) confirmed a strong, positive correlation between newborns’ and mother’s vitamin D levels. Over 87 percent of all newborns and over 67 percent of all mothers had vitamin D levels lower than 20 ng/ml, which is a severe deficiency state.

Newborns with vitamin D deficiency appear to have an increased risk of developing ALRI, and since the child’s vitamin D level strongly correlates with its mother’s, the researchers recommend that all mothers’ optimize their vitamin D levels during pregnancy, especially in the winter months, to safeguard their baby’s health.

A similar Indian study published in 2004 also reported that vitamin D deficiency in infants significantly raised their odds ratio for having severe ALRI.

A 2009 analysis of the Third National Health andNutrition Examination Survey examined the association between vitamin D levelsand recent upper respiratory tract infection (URTI) in nearly 19,000 subjects over the age of 12.

Recent URTI was reported by:

17 percent of participants with vitamin D levels of 30ng/ml or higher

20 percent of participants with vitamin D levels between 10-30 ng/ml.

24 percent of participants with vitamin D levels below 10ng/ml

The positive correlation between lower vitamin D levels and increased risk of URTI was even stronger in individuals with asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.

Another 2009 report in the journal Pediatric Research stated that infants and children appear more susceptible to viral rather than bacterial infections when deficient in vitamin D. And that, based on the available evidence showing a strong connection between vitamin D, infections, and immune function in children, vitamin D supplementation may be a valuable therapy in pediatric medicine.

How to Prevent the Flu without Getting a Flu Shot

For most people the flu shot does not make you healthy; it does just the opposite and weakens your immune system.

If you follow a healthy lifestyle, you will not have to worry about getting the flu. Take it from me -- I’ve never received a flu shot, and I haven’t missed a day of work due to illness in over 20 years. The key steps that I follow to stay flu-free, which I suggest you follow too, include:

Get plenty of sunshine, safe tanning bed exposure or supplemental vitamin D3

Eat right for your nutritional type, including avoiding sugar

Exercise

Get adequate sleep

Address emotional stress

Wash your hands regularly

Follow-up visit with onco

2009-11-10T16:27:00.002+08:00

I had my check-up on 9 Nov, Monday.

As usual, I went for blood test on Friday. My veins are very fine and it becomes a challenge when I need to have my blood taken for testing. The female staff at the blood test unit at NCC are experts and have always been able to draw blood at the first attempt.

For some months now, there is a male staff member. My first encounter with him ended up with me having to have my blood taken twice because one sample clotted.

This time round, I was apprenhensive when I saw I was getting him again. He went for my inner elbow and no blood flowed. He poked and pushed around before becoming convinced that he was not going to get any blood from there, and had to go for the back of my hand which is more painful, and I was left with two puncture wounds. At least he was apologetic about it.

Cancer marker was 13.9, up by 0.1 pt since Aug 2009, but still below the normal of 25.

Wed, 4 Nov, I had noticed two tiny bumps on my right chest wall.

I told my onco about them. He checked and said, "oh, it's coming back". He suggested that I should start oral chemo, but I said no. So he said, how about hormone therapy, and add that it will help get rid of those bumps. I said no, again, as I wanted to kiv conventional therapy and monitor first.

Fri, 6 Nov, I had mentioned this to the AM, and he said it is not cancer. He said I must have taken too much fibre or cold stuff and that these are just some 'debris' or clotting that showed through the skin as lumps.

I had not been taking very much fibre, but yes, I have been taking a lot of ice cream lately. After abstaining for so long, I sort of went crazy over it and I am afraid I have been taking it quite frequently.

I am monitoring the situation closely, and I saw no reason to rush for chemo straightaway.

Friends - how far do we go?

2009-11-05T11:13:00.007+08:00

Friends generally show concern for one another and support one another through thick and thin.

In reality, how far does one go to show concern and support for one's friend?

If we see a friend engaging in an activity which could pose a danger to others, should we voice our concern and risk incurring the wrath of the friend and the friendship, or should we play the all supportive friend, irrespective of right or wrong and turn a blind eye to it?

In the event that, owing to our non-interference, whatever we feared would happen actually took place, do we then see our friend filled with remorse, and for ourselves, wouldn't it then be too late to be guilt-ridden?

Maybe I have a highly imaginative mind or acute fear of accidents, that when I see a precarious situation, I could almost 'see' in my mind's eye the unpleasant scenario. This is why, due to my own fear and concern for others, I am prompted to take preemptive measures, so much so that sometimes I incurred the wrath of others. Advices are only such and cannot be enforced.

To choose between risking a friendship and watching others suffer, I would prefer the former.

How much concern should we show a friend that we do not intrude into their privacy? True, sometimes we become over-enthusiastic that we failed to spare a thought for others' feelings. Because of our concern and unwitting insensitivity, we unintentionally caused a seed of negative thought to be planted in other's mind. As a consequence, the negative thought turned into words.

When we are led to see things from a different perspective, that we can reflect on our actions, would not that be our reflection from a new perspective that may help us to change our course of actions? Or would that be a direct attempt to change our habits?

旁观者清, literally translated, it means that a bystander sees a clearer picture. Very often, we are so engrossed with ourselves and our tasks at hand that we failed to see beyond that.

Frequently, we let our minds wander and we drifted. For me, I am thankful that I have people around me, who with timely intervention, led me back to the right path. Of course everyone has their own preferences.

We already have perfect compassion, perfect wisdom, perfect joy. We only need to settle our minds so they can rise from deep within us.

Life is an illusion, a dream, a bubble, a shadow. Nothing is permanent. Nothing is worthy of anger. Nothing is worthy of dispute. Nothing.

There are three ways to correct our faults: We can change through behaviour. We can change through understanding. We can change from the heart.

Watch your thoughts...

2009-11-04T17:28:00.006+08:00

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words,
watch your words, for they become actions,
watch your actions, for they become habits,
watch your habits, for they become character,
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny."

When I first heard this quote, the words struck me as very meaningful.

How often we were driven into actions by our thoughts, especially negative thoughts that could turn the situation ugly.

We think of something and we kept harping on it, turning it over and over in our minds until it reached a stage where we had to release it by turning it into words or actions.

It would have been better if we could turn negative thoughts into positive thoughts, or alternatively let go of the thoughts.

In online forums, sometimes there would be postings of someone doing an act of cruelty to animals. Frequently, animal lovers who responded would be scolding, cursing or hoping for some bad things to happen to that person.

In situations like this, I find no difference in the respondents and the person who committed the cruel act. True, a person who did wrong lacked awareness and wisdom and will have to face his karma, as he has sinned through his actions. For those who wished bad endings for him would be sinning in thoughts and words, and if they had been face to face with the offender, they would probably have laid their hands on him.

In a scenario like this, there is also cause and consequence. The person who committed an offence (cause) incurred the wrath of others or ended up being punished by the law (consequence). If those others laid their hands on him (cause), they have to face punishment by the law (consequence). It would be a never-ending cycle unless we can break out of it.

Our mind is so powerful that if we do not control it, we would end up being controlled by it.

"Until he has unconditional and unbiased love for all beings, man will not find peace."

Charity fund raising - Voices of Harmony 2009

2009-10-24T09:14:00.002+08:00

There is a charity fund raising concert for Singapore Buddhist Free Clinic to be held on 27 Nov, Friday, at 8pm. Details of the concert are right below the email. It is a 2-hour show and the tickets are priced at $100, $50 and $30, excluding booking fee. It is for a good cause and a "concert not to be missed", and the tickets can be purchased at sistic.com.

Please do not ignore this email and help to circulate this around. Voices of Harmony 2009 is a concert organised by Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery (KMSPKS) for Singapore Buddhist Free Clinic (SBFC). This concert is a charity fund raising concert for SBFC.

SBFC's objective is to provide free medical services to the sick and needy, so as to relieve their suffering on illness and to help them lead a healthier and happier life, regardless of nationality, race and religion. All charges for elderly patients aged 60 years and above are waived. SBFC has provided 7,421,424 free consultations from 1999-2008.

Currently SBFC operates 6 branches. They are situated at densely populated areas across the island at Geylang west, Tanjong Pagar, Redhill, Delta, Ang Mo Kio and Jurong East, to provide caring medical and rehabilitative services to patients. With the generous support from fellow Buddhists and general public, SBFC will always be able to strive and provide quality charitable medical services to lower and middle echelons of our people.

We really need your support for this event, the response of the tickets are not very promising. You can support us by purchasing the concert tickets and join us at the concert. Tickets can be purchased online at www.sistic.com.sg , at any Sistic authorised agents or at Sistic hotline +65 6348 5555.

"Strive not for oneself contentment, but relief for the commons "

"不为自己求安乐，但愿众生得离苦"

Highlights of the night include performances by Singapore Chinese Orchestra, China Disabled Arts Troupe, David Tao & more. For more information on the concert you can refer to the attachment

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.

-----------------------
Concert details (from sistic website) :

Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery (KMSPKS) is organising a fundraising concert - “Voices of Harmony 2009”– on Friday, 27 November 2009, 8pm at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. The net proceeds raised will be donated to Singapore Buddhist Free Clinic (SBFC).

SBFC is a charitable organization established in 1969 by local Buddhists. Its objective is to provide free medical services to the sick and needy regardless of their race and religion, to relieve their suffering and to assist them to lead a more independent and healthier life.

SBFC now has six (6) clinics with its Head Office cum clinic at No 48 Lorong 23 Geylang. SBFC has a team of qualified physicians and experienced staff providing outpatient Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) consultation including acupuncture as well as prescriptions of Chinese medicine.

Statistics compilation has shown that from November 1969 to December 2008, SBFC has administered 17,421,057 free consultations. On average, 700 patients visit SBFC per day. Each clinic has about 3 physicians and 8 clinic attendants. In total, there are 32 full-time staff and 47 part-time staff for the 6 clinics. The minimum cost needed to run SBFC is S$3 million a year. Every cent raised will help in meeting their operating costs in serving the community.

China Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe, My Dream, will be performing a few items. The troupe was founded in 1987, which bears the dreams of people with disabilities and creates a special art that delights audiences presented by artists with physical disabilities, hearing and visual impairments. Their performance is recognized and held in high acclaim wherever it is shared.

It is a concert not to be missed, join us and be dazzled with the performances!

Attachment and compassion

2009-10-22T21:46:00.006+08:00

As a Buddhist, I am conscious of not forming emotional attachments and the impermanence of things. Still, when people whom I knew died, my emotions get a knocking, especially with so many cases happening one after another, that my compassion for them made me felt like bawling.

I have known most of them only for a short time, HH for 2-3 years, LY about a year, and the rest I have only met them a couple of times, and yet, I felt for them.

Death is one event every living thing, human or animal, or even plants, will experience one day, it's only a matter of time. So, why do I still feel sad at their passing? In fact, for cancer patients, death brings relief, it's an end to their suffering.

I realised that I am sad because I understand what they were going through, I saw their sufferings and their struggles, the frustrations, the hopes rising and fading, and the pain they had to endure not only from cancer but from chemo also. After going through so much and the brave fights they put up, death made everything seemed so futile.

LY was the first group member that I was following. I had not been fully aware of how serious she was and had been optimistic about her recovery. I had felt strongly for her that I cried when I saw her suddenly become immbolized, I cried when I saw her lying in the coffin, and I cried too when she was setting off for cremation.

I had felt strongly for Ja too. When I first saw her, she was cheerful and chirpy despite her illness. She had passed on just before LY.

When HH passed on, I had been more prepared as I had seen her decline. I had been steady through her eulogies, and only teared when her family members cried as her coffin went into the crematorium.

Maybe, it was not attachment, but rather, it was the compassion for them that made me felt in such a manner. But I admit that with LY, there was some attachment as I had missed her but am now coming to terms with it.

The more emotionally attached I am, the more I will feel its absence. I should be able to detach emotionally, only then can I feel peace.

RIP J - breast cancer patient

2009-10-22T21:28:00.005+08:00

We lost another warrior today - J, the patient with advanced breast cancer, and whom I had introduced to ayurvedic medicine.

I just realised that I have not done an update on her for quite some time.

As she required special care, her family had put her in Assisi Hospice about a month ago. M and I saw her some 3 weeks ago and again about 2 weeks ago. She had always been on drug-induced sleep, though she did awaken during our first visit and was alert, could recognize us and was talking.

During our last visit, on 8 Oct, Wed, her husband tried unsuccessfully to wake her from her deep sleep. But she had looked alright then too, and breathing on her own.

This morning, M called her husband to check on her and was told that she had just passed away. They had brought her home yesterday at her request, thinking to send her back to hospice after two days. She had problem breathing and passed away after one night at home. J must have known time was running out for her.

We visited her wake today, and for all the pain she was in during the past months, she looked so peaceful as if in sleep. Her sister-in-law said she had passed on peacefully.

I have realized that for cancer patients in the advanced and terminal stage, appearance can be deceiving. For some, they looked fine and then suddenly their condition deteriorated very fast in a matter of days.

Eulogy

2009-10-20T18:00:00.003+08:00

I don't know who started eulogy or how it came about.

Most eulogies are so touching that they are usually also tear inducing, so much so that they can turn a funeral into a weepy ceremony.

I had read "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom and I quote the following :

When a colleague at Brandeis died suddenly of a heart attack, Morrie went to his funeral. He came home depressed.

"What a waste," he said. "All those people saying all those wonderful things, and Irv never got to hear any of it."

Morrie had a better idea. He made some calls. He chose a date. And on a cold Sunday afternoon, he was joined in his home by a small group of friends and family for a "living funeral." Each of them spoke and paid tribute to my old professor. Some cried. Some laughed. One woman read a poem:

"My dear and loving cousin ...

Your ageless heart

as you move through time, layer on layer,

tender sequoia ..."

Morrie cried and laughed with them. And all the heartfelt things we never get to say to those we love, Morrie said that day. His "living funeral" was a rousing success.

Only Morrie wasn't dead yet. In fact, the most unusual part of his life was about to unfold.

Morrie Schwartz had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), Lou Gehrig's disease, a brutal, unforgiving illness of the neurological system. He was one tough guy who did not wallow in self-pity but stood up to his illness. He made no secret of his illness and even lived his life as normal as he could.

When my time comes, I don't think I want any eulogy unless it can be kept short and delivered in such a lively manner that it does not bring forth the tears. On the other hand, come to think of it, I have not done anything worth mentioning, neither have I achieved anything, which is just as well.

I'd rather go quietly, so don't "rain" on my parade.

My minor hiccups

2009-10-20T17:16:00.003+08:00

3 Oct, Sat evening, I had gone to the toilet, didn't move my bowels, but I noticed there was a significant amount of blood in the toilet bowl. Strange that I hadn't felt it coming out.

My first concern was whether it had anything to do with my colon, although I was hoping that it had only been the piles. I did chakra adjustment on myself for piles and bleeding and so far, thankfully, there hadn't been anymore bleeding. I had also not felt any discomfort, but I am monitoring the situation.

That same weekend, my lymphedemic right arm was giving me some problems. Certain parts were red, swollen, hard and painful. As I had no fever, I didn't think there was any infection. The only reason I could think of was that the AM could be treating my kidneys then. Anyway, some days later, the pain and swelling disappeared and I forgot to check with the AM.

For some weeks now, I have had to use a special latex free advanced protection plaster on the lump that was on the side of my right chest. The position of this lump was such that it was in contact with my undergarment and the constant chafing had caused the lump to be blistered and the skin to break. I had to plaster it to protect it and help it heal. The lump is still there and now about 3cm away, there is another new tiny little lump. Anyway, I have the situation monitored. My next visit with my onco is 9 Nov and I will check with him then.

AJ update

2009-10-20T16:49:00.002+08:00

AJ just had her ctscan done a couple of weeks ago and had also seen her onco.

Her previous ctscan had shown that her tumour was slightly bigger and there was also a new one. However, with this recent ctscan, there was no new lump and the tumour had shrunk. Fortunately, AJ had asked for a 6-week break then. Now, with the results of her new ctscan, her onco decided not to go ahead with the chemo for her, though she is still on oral chemo. The AM wants her to cut down and stretched out her oral chemo.

What a relief!

Postmortem - HH, Fleur

2009-10-20T15:24:00.004+08:00

I was at HH's funeral on Sunday and learnt from P, another survivor, that HH had had chemo on Monday, 12 Oct. I did not know the name of the drug, and P thought is was Avastin, but by 14 Oct, Wed morning, she was gone.

When they found that the cancer had spread to her brain, the doctors had deliberated on their next course of action, i.e. where they should start treating her first.

Earlier on, before this last dose of chemo, I had learnt that there were already physical symptoms that her liver was running into problems - the colour of her urine, colour of her eyes and her bloated stomach. In her condition, I wonder why her onco went ahead with the chemo for her. Essentially, didn't that mean that the chemo killed her? Would her death be classified as 'death from cancer' or 'death from chemo'? Would the doctors or hospital even admit?

True, cancer kills too, but chemo kills faster.

HH had always been a model patient. She had faith in her doctors and she trusted them with her life. I recalled some months back when several of us were talking about the side effects of certain drugs, and I mentioned that if it could be proven that the side effects were caused by certain drugs, it would be sueable. HH was the first to speak out in defense of the doctors. I had meant the pharmaceutical company and not the doctors, but nobody was interested in knowing more and I let the matter rest.

Fleur, a breast cancer patient, who had been fighting a long battle, had also been treated with different drugs. From her blog, the last chemo drug that she was on, Ixempra, caused her much suffering. Not long after, she died from total liver failure. Before that, she was also having problems with her liver - bloated tummy and jaundice.

She mentioned that she was told (she did not mention where she got this info from) that if the liver could regenerate itself, she would be alright. I am no expert in this area, but I know enough to know that a liver damaged by chemo, if there is any chance of recovery, would take a long time, and with medication, but chemo has to be stopped. So, I don't understand how it is possible for the liver to 'regenerate itself', while she was still undergoing chemo. Likewise, with HH, was it cancer or chemo that killed her? Which category did she come under?

Chemo caused damage to the liver and kidneys, which is why before every dose, we had to have the liver function and renal function tests done. Chemo also wipes out the immune system leaving the body too weak to fight on its own.

How can doctors ignore all these signs and still go ahead with chemo? What did they hope to achieve? A miracle? When then would they consider that a patient has had enough? At the exhaustion of their funds or lives? Did they really have the patients' welfare at heart? Would they do this to themselves or even to their loved ones?

Whatever happened to the Hippocratic Oath that doctors had to take, or are they even continuing with the act of oath taking? And if they are, does not the oath taking mean something?

HH would not have liked me to write such a post, as she believed that the doctors are doing their best, even to the end.

For HH and Fleur, at least, they suffer no more.

Run for hope

2009-10-20T12:44:00.003+08:00

I had forgotten to mention that I am not pursuing my quest to 'run for hope'.

I was looking forward to the run and I am disappointed that other than my willing spirits, my flesh and bones are a letdown. They could not take the pounding, especially my knees.

The last exercise was not even strenous for a normal healthy person of my age, but with my current condition, it was a different story.

So, now, I have wisened up, know when I am beaten and am throwing in the towel, that's right, even before the race starts.

I had considered the odds and must admit that they are definitely not in my favour.

Probably I can consider taking part in the walk next time. I had missed this year's walk, some weeks back, that was organised by the Breast Cancer Foundation. I didn't know what I was doing that I didn't even know there was one until friend told me.

Goodbye E, J and HH

2009-10-16T08:14:00.003+08:00

E (female) and J (male), both passed on recently from colorectal cancer.

14 Oct, Wed, I was leaving Kg Senang after a volunteer session when I noticed I had an sms from LY's son informing me of HH's wake. HH's wake? I hadn't had my specs on and thought I read it wrong. I fumbled for my specs and put it on. There was no mistake - it was about HH's wake. So, when did she passed away? It's a little strange to get a message informing me of her wake when I had not received news of her passing. She had passed on peacefully, surrounded by family members, that very morning.

LY's son had visited her on Monday and she had looked fine then.

M and I had seen her on 7 Oct and she was still alert and eating and talking, although it was obvious that her stomach and legs were swollen. The skin on her legs were taut.

HH was the founder of TRC, a support group for people with recurrent cancers. It was her life and she was very passionate about it. While we were there, she kept talking about the support group, the upcoming events and what should be done. Even though she was on the 'dangerously-ill list' (DIL), she made no mention of her own condition, but was very focused on TRC.

HH had been fighting a relapse since last year and was on long term chemo. After her one month break from chemo, tests showed that the cancer had spread to her brain, and her markers had gone back up to before chemo level.

HH's fight was a tough one. She and her onco battled the cancer, strategized with change of drugs and backed-up with blood transfusions (3 that I knew of, sometime end of last year) when the blood test results were not satisfactory.

HH always put others before self. Her thoughts and concerns were always about others even when it was obvious to us that she was so ill. She tried her best as far as possible to ensure that any sick member who needed member support would not be left alone to undergo checkups or therapy.

She will be missed.

Run for hope - getting fit??

2009-10-12T13:15:00.003+08:00

I probably overdid it on Saturday morning. The muscles on both legs from the hips down to the feet hurt. Not all the muscles hurt at the same time, actually, for some it depends on how I moved.

So, today I stayed home to nurse my aching legs.

So much for training to get fit for the 4km run, looks like the quest is getting more and more unachievable.

I couldn't remember if I mentioned this before. Some months back, I met some cancer survivors and we found that those who had gone through chemo have weak legs.

We can't squat - we either sit on the floor or on low stool. Looks like the chemo messed up our joints, especially our knees. It is especially bad during the movements of squatting and standing up. Sitting on the floor with the legs bent in certain position would require much effort in getting into the upright position.

Getting off the bus after a long journey and I had to half-hop when alighting. And getting out of a car after a long journey is no breeze either.

More than a year after I stopped chemo, I could even feel pain when I applied light pressure just above the knees. I walked and I practised taiji, but I don't seemed to feel any improvement in the legs.

I don't ever recall any of the oncos telling us that chemos will weaken our legs. Probably they don't know about that either.

Compassion and self

2009-10-10T12:46:00.004+08:00

Yesterday evening at about 5pm, I was at Ang Mo Kio bus interchange to catch service 169 that will bring me to the ayurvedic master's for my medicine.

As I joined the queue, a schoolboy was in front of me, and ahead of him were 2 visually impaired men. Right at the front of the queue were 6 or so commuters. Between this group and the two visually impaired men was a big gap.

The AMK bus interchange is air-conditioned and enclosed with solid walls and sliding doors at intervals for boarding. I realized that when the bus comes, those of us behind the two men would miss it because the two men would need time to make their way along the rails to the other end and out through the door, to the bus. The likelihood of the driver not seeing any more passengers behind the men is high unless someone informs him.

I was thinking of telling the boy to ask the men to move forward and close the gap, but he had earpieces stuck in his ears and was engrossed in his handheld gadget as well.

I was still deciding on my next move when my mobile rang. H had called to talk about my son's involvement in the charity drive to help the underprivileged in Nepal. Then, the bus came. It was obvious to everyone behind that the two men impeded our progress along the queue.

Then, we all left the queue and circled left or right to get to the bus. I was still on the phone while on board the bus. By the time I reached my destination, I had ended my phone conversation. It was then that I realized that I did not see the two men on the bus. It was then that I wondered if the two men had boarded the bus and if they did, had they alighted before me? I was seated in the front half of the bus and was so engrossed in the conversation that I had not even taken note of that.

After I alighted, I was consumed with guilt and shame. I was filled with remorse. I asked a man who had alighted with me if he had seen the two visually impaired men, but he was not sure.

I had erred. I could have told H that I would call him back, but I did not. I could have asked the driver to wait for the two men, but I did not. I could have escorted the two men to the bus, but I did not.

It was so ironical that I was talking to H about helping the underpriviledged in other countries, and yet, right there and then, I had sidestepped two underpriviledged fellow countrymen in front of me.

I was still full of regret as I type this.

In trying to find how to achieve a level of compassion so that it becomes a spontaneous act, and how I could move away from being focused on self, I googled "compassion and self" and found the following article.

Turning the Stream of Compassion Within

by Rev. Kinrei Bassis

When I first heard Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett speak, the words that resonated with me most were, "Buddhist training begins with compassion for the self." At the time, I really had no understanding what these words meant. Being critical of myself was a central aspect of my personality. I saw this trait as a virtue being very aware of my faults would keep me grounded and real, and that it would be impossible to make spiritual progress unless I recognized what I needed to change. What I didn't realize was that being aware of how I need to improve my behavior did not mean I should be critical and upset with myself. My problem was I had no understanding of what it meant to be nonjudgmental.

Cultivating a nonjudgmental way of looking at things is the key to opening our hearts to real compassion. But how does one go about this? What should I do when I see that something is wrong? How should I approach it? What exactly is the compassionate mind rather than the hard judgmental mind?

In the years since I first heard Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett speak those words, I have since learned that the mind of meditation is to see problems and failures without judgment. Not judging others but also not judging myself. If I make a mess of something, or if I am lazy or angry or proud, I am breaking the Buddhist Precepts. However, being aware of this does not mean I have to judge and criticize myself. There is not something fundamentally wrong with me; there is only a problem with my behavior. And here lies a subtle but important point: There is a vital difference between being aware of the harmful nature of certain patterns of thought and behavior, and having harsh judgment of oneself.

It is an inescapable aspect of reality that everyone is imperfect everyone is making mistakes and having difficulty in one way or another. I can always look at myself and see ways that I can do better. Yet if I begin criticizing myself, being angry with myself, or despairing with myself, it's very important to recognize that in doing so I am taking refuge in my deluded view of who I am instead of taking refuge in the Buddha. "Do not criticize but accept everything," is Great Master Dogen's teaching in the Kyojukaimon. In her commentary on that teaching, Rev. Master Jiyu-Kennett wrote:

Each expresses the Truth in his own way as do all things; they do that which they do in their way and express the Lord within it. Do not criticize the way of another, do not call it into question; look within it and see the Lord. Look with the mind of a Buddha and you will see the heart of a Buddha.¹

It is essential that we apply this teaching not just to our views of others, but to ourselves as well. I need to look at my imperfect self with the mind of a Buddha so that I can realize that this seemingly flawed heart of mine is the heart of a Buddha. If I am waiting for the day when I will see myself without flaws, I will never see my Buddha Heart. Looking back at my years of Buddhist training, I can only smile when I realize it took me many years to recognize that when I criticize myself, I am breaking the Precepts in the same way as when I criticize someone else.

Compassion is really just the opening our hearts to suffering without allowing our judgments to get in the way. If someone is suffering and we judge them, this closes our hearts and fills our mind with harsh opinions. Compassion does not mean we do not see the mistakes others make; it means we have sympathy and understanding for their difficulties, knowing we are not really different from them. We are all born and live in this human realm in which ignorance and delusion strongly influences our lives.

When I see myself making a mistake, I need to take refuge in the Dharma and do whatever action will result in good rather than more suffering. It is easy to get stuck dwelling on our unenlightened actions of the past. The absurdity of this is that we can easily stay stuck, dwelling on wrong actions while losing awareness of what the right action should be in the present situation. Faith in Buddhism is having faith in the fact that although the stream of karma that has brought us to this present moment has both good and bad within it, all we need to do is what is good in the deepest sense in the present situation. Just doing this is enough, moment by moment, day by day, year by year, life by life, to bring ourselves and all sentient beings to Buddhahood.

Key to attaining this perspective is to see all our wrong actions everyone's wrong actions as just normal karma that needs help. When someone is making a mess of their life or someone else's life, I can choose to get upset and judgmental or realize that their actions are the result of normal and understandable human karma, and then do whatever I can to help. And Buddhist training is just giving the most help we can within the limits of our situation. I always find that it is much easier to be upset with and judgmental about someone else's mistakes when I only focus on their seemingly wrong behavior. Yet if I gain a deeper understanding of the person, I find that the quick condemnation often dissolves, and sympathy and compassion arises.

When I look back on my years of Buddhist training, I can see how mistaken it was to be so upset with my own weaknesses. Once I gained a deeper understanding of my own karma, I saw how very difficult it was to let go of some of my desires and fears. Years of meditation has opened my heart and mind to recognizing how difficult it is for all of us to go through this human life, how hard it is to undergo this Buddhist training, and how difficult it is to take responsibility for our karma. Normal human karma makes it easy to indulge in blaming something, someone, or ourselves for our suffering, to live in a fog of ignorance. Instead, what we need to focus on is helping the karma that is causing the suffering. Offering that help to ourselves and others is the very ground of Buddhist training.

For example, if my house is a mess, I can be filled with judgments about myself or others who may be the source of the mess. That is how our judgmental mind approaches situations that it does not like. Training is about noticing that our mind is filling with judgments, but then letting go of them, and focusing on what we need to do in the moment. When I face a dirty room, I need to not judge why this room is dirty. Instead, I just need to clean the room. This is the work of a Buddha.

In the same way, it does not matter why my heart is not pure; it is the work of a Buddha to do whatever will help to cleanse my heart. Instead of being upset or angry my impure heart, I need to understand that this is what spiritual life is all aboutdoing the hard work of purifying my heart. I need to offer help to all the lost karma that is looking the wrong way for happiness. Rather than be upset with whom I seem to be, I need to awaken the desire to help my heart to turn to the Buddha.

The judgmental mind comes from a fear of whom we seem to be and fear of what this suffering world seems to be. The mind of meditation is the mind that is open and nonjudgmental. We trust ourselves because we trust that nothing in our karma stands against the truththat our real heart is the Buddha Heart. We trust that nothing can hurt our real heart no matter how the karma of our life unfolds. And we trust that the real life of the world and everything within, despite appearances, is the life of Buddha. When we see mistakes and the resulting suffering, we do not judge, but instead keep our hearts open and have compassion. All beings are just trying to be happy. Everyone confronts the same basic darkness, which is the darkness that emanates from feeling as though our deepest desires are not going to be fulfilled.

Turning the stream of compassion within is letting go of our opinions and desires so that the same compassion that fills the universe can also be experienced filling our hearts and our lives. Although it seems utterly impossible to believe, we are dreaming we are suffering, dreaming harsh judgments of ourselves and others, and dreaming we are lonely and separate beings. The life of Buddha is the all-embracing life of compassion. That compassion flows through everything, washing away all impurity, and allowing everything to find its true place in the great Mandala of the Buddhas.

Run for hope - getting fit (day 2)

2009-10-10T12:08:00.002+08:00

This morning, I had my 2nd one with me on my second day of getting fit for the 4km run. To and fro on that stretch of park connector, we should have covered slightly more than 1 km.

It was a combination of jog and walk for me, actually more walk than jog. I tried to lift my legs higher and put more spring into it so that I could cover more distance with each stride. It was quite an effort doing that as my legs felt lethargic.

After some time, I noticed that with each pounding step, my innards felt shaken at the same time.

When we got home, I was so exhausted, I wanted to sleep. My daughter commented that after a run, we were supposed to feel energized, but not me, I was just deadbeat. I noticed the muscles near my hips hurt. I am glad I managed to cover that distance today.

At this moment, the 4km run for hope looks like a mission impossible for me. Still, I hope to practise for a few more days to see if there is any improvement before I really call it quits.

Stress-filled world

2009-10-09T11:00:00.003+08:00

I was chatting with a friend recently and she told me that she was looking forward to retirement as the stress level at work has gone up. She is in the civil service and the department had a new boss, unfortunately an over-ambitious one. From what she said, I gathered that this new boss comes with what I called a new boss attitude, typical of one trying to impress his superiors, trying to prove his worth, and doing his best to outshine others, at the expense of his subordinates' welfare.

The problem with mostly young (I assumed) new bosses nowadays is that, they come paper-qualified and did not rise through the ranks. Thus, they often fail to understand the difficulties and problems faced by people in the lower levels.

This particular new boss had plans to issue everyone with a laptop so that they will have information practically at their fingertips, literally via the laptops, as and when he asks for it, even outside office hours. So far, nobody has said anything for fear of breaking their rice bowl.

It is also difficult to go on leave, because when she is back, she had to stay back after office hours to clear the workload.

MOM has guidelines on the maximum no. of hours that an employee (usually junior) is allowed to cover in a week, but I am not too sure if it has rules that cover senior staff and those at management level.

With the advent of technology, computers, internet, emailing, and instant messaging, everything seems to move at breakneck pace. In the workplace, it also probably signaled the end of sanity and the beginning of chaos. People are complaining that it is so difficult to get the work done because emailing can be very disruptive. Imagine people who sent an email, followed up with a phone call minutes later expecting an answer. Everybody seemed to think their request is priority and that you are at their beck and call.

When I started working in late 1970s, it had already reached the telex age. Subsequently, the fax machine made its presence felt. Even then, we gave a reasonable length of time for a response, depending on the urgency, which was anything from a few hours to a few days.

Nowadays the response time has been reduced to mere minutes. Everyone seems to be chasing everyone else for responses, and getting all stressed up in between. It's bad enough with others chasing for urgent replies, but throw in an unreasonable and self-centred boss and you have my full sympathies.

If I am not mistaken, it was the Japanese that was always wanting urgent responses. No wonder they have job-related, stress-driven suicides.

With technology, there are huge pluses, but the minuses are not small either.

I admit that computers with its word-processing and spreadsheet capabilities made life much easier. I recalled the days of the manual typewriters. Imagine typing 8 copies of a long letter (with carbon paper in between the plain papers), and you hit the wrong key. You have to white-out the mistake on every single page, wait for it to dry before continuing. Now, anything is possible, cut and paste, copy, delete, insert, etc, your wish is the computer's command.

In those days, for those of us who took stenography, we lugged our portable typewriters to school. The generation now lugged their laptops everywhere.

A typical scenario of a kid doing homework now would be- computer on, music plugged into their ears, mobiles on the table. A closer check will reveal that other than their actual work, there is a tab each for facebook, msn instant messaging, emails, youtube. Observe a while, and you will notice the windows on the screen changing every so often, while tending to the mobiles too - their idea of multi-tasking. I only hope their marks will increase in multitude relative to their multi-tasking.

Baby-boomers of around my age are probably the 'privileged lot' to witness the technological evolution, of the typewriters and calculators into computers, of telephones into cordless phones and mobiles, among others. It is amazing how we managed to keep up and cope.

It's true that advanced technology gave us an edge, but it comes with a price, like loss of privacy, stress, etc.

Welcome to the crazy, stress-filled new-age world!

Run for Hope 2009

2009-10-09T10:08:00.003+08:00

Run for Hope (RFH) is an charity event to raise funds for cancer research. This year's RFH will be held on 22 Nov, Sunday, at the East Coast Park. The closing date is 16 Oct. There are two categories, the 4km and the 10km.

I must have bitten by the running (jog and walk rather) bug, that for the last couple of days, I have been contemplating taking part in the 4km. I broached the subject to my kids and the general opinion was that I may not survive the 4km run or jog, so they objected. So much for support! All along, it was the mum who cautioned, objected, persuaded, now, it looks like the roles have been reversed. Honestly, I gave them more leeway than they are allowing me for activities like this.

Well, mum rules and I intend to find out if I am up to it. So, this morning, I put on tees, shorts and running shoes, did some stretching of my hamstrings and calf muscles, and headed downstairs. I don't think I did them right but some stretching is still better than no stretching at all, I guess.

I jogged round the void deck. Two laps later and I was huffing. I pushed myself a bit and I managed to last all of five minutes. Then, walking and jogging a bit more, I squeezed another 3 minutes out of my endurance. 8 minutes - my first jog/walk after so many years (I had lost count of the years).

After cooling off and catching my breath, I was raring to go for more, but common sense prevailed. Don't push the cancer and chemo wrecked, and totally out of condition body too much or the kids will have reasons to say "we told you so". Classic case of the spirits willing, but the body has a totally different opinion.

Funny though, when I jogged barefooted in the house, it seemed so easy, but with shoes on, it was so much harder. I guessed I now understand why some runners prefer to compete barefooted.

I noticed too, that my lymphedemic right arm felt a little uncomfortable, probably because the pounding movements of the jog exacerbated the gravitational pull.

I shall see how my muscles feel tomorrow. Anyway, I still have up till 16 Oct to test my physical endurance before I commit.

Coconut cooking oil

2009-10-01T19:33:00.002+08:00

We have always been led by our noses by those so-called experts who kept dishing out supposedly professional advice on what is healthy and what is not. Even the plain old cooking oil has generated a lot of interest among health experts.

I grew up on lard oil and 'knife' brand vegetable oil, which is palm oil mixed with some other stuff. My mum used to buy pig lard, cut it into small cubes and fry. The crunchy crust was then stir-fried with pounded dried prawns and chilli. As far as my memory could recall, it tasted yummy. I thought I used to like the smell of the frying lard, but now when I am in the vicinity of lard being fried, I realised that I find the smell quite repulsive.

Then the experts ruled that lard oil is unhealthy and could cause heart attack, so the lard oil disappeared from our diet. Though when I was growing I hardly heard of anyone dying from a heart attack even though lard oil was widely consumed.

Then there is peanut oil, corn oil, soya bean oil, sunflower seed oil, canola oil. The pricier types are olive oil and grapeseed oil. When canola oil first came on the market, it was touted as very healthy but pricey. Then word got around that it was actually unhealthy and that it was something trumped up by the Canadian government to make money. This was subsequently refuted, but by then I had already decided that canola oil was not for me.

I have been told that oil from seeds and nuts are better and healthier.

Dr Mercola recommended coconut cooking oil. It's supposed to be healthier and can withstand high heat cooking. I had a hard time looking for coconut cooking oil in our supermarkets. They carried all kinds of oil but not coconut cooking oil. I finally found it at Mustafa's. 1200ml (1.2 ltr) for S$9.90 which is about double the price of sunflower seed oil. The label says it contains capric and lauric fatty acids similar to that of mother's milk (mmm hmm). It is also cholesterol and transfat free, and odourless too.

Nutrition information (serving size 1 Tbsp or 14 g)
Energy 120 kcal
Protein 0 g
Fats 14 g
Carbohydrates 0 g
Polyunsaturated fats 0.3 g
Saturated fats 13.7 g
- of which Medium Chain Triglycerides (MCTs)
- Caprylic (C8) 1.03 g
- Capric (C10) 0.7 g
- Lauric (C12) 6.58 g
MCTs when consumed are easily converted into energy for an active lifestyle.

So, I am using coconut cooking oil for now until someone comes up with some other ideas, although geting my supplies from Mustafa's will be a little troublesome for me. I will probably contact the importer and get them to supply to the other supermarts.

Chakra healing

2009-09-30T20:20:00.004+08:00

Today is the third time I have volunteered for chakra healing therapy at Kg Senang. I find it rewarding and meaningful that with a little time and hardly any effort, I could be doing something so useful as helping others with their health.

Chakra healing, or longevitology, uses the human body to receive energy from the universe. For those of us who have had our chakras opened, our bodies are like the conductors receiving the energy from the universe and passing it to others.

Excerpt from our handbook :

When universal energy enters our body, it energizes every cell, enabling every organ to function normally. "Chi" and blood flow smoothly and good health is achieved. From the oriental medicine perspective, "illnesses" mostly derive from the maladjustment of "chi" and blood. This is similar to the occidental medical approach of using metabolism and circulation to discuss health. Other causes of diseases are germs and viruses. These diseases will disappear naturally following the active flow of "chi" and blood, the improvement of metabolism and circulation, the increase of antibodies, and the enhancement of the immune system in the body. The toxins of disease are expelled by the metabolic system of the body itself: therefore, the person making the adjustment (healing), and the person receiving the adjustment will not contract each other's disease. This is the reason that "Longevitology" can help both oneself and others.

As it uses energy from the universe, it should not be affected by racial and religious divide. However, we have been advised to do the adjustment for those who need and are receptive to being adjusted.

During the training, I was told that it is especially helpful for cancer patients undergoing chemo. Those who received adjustment apparently had little or no side-effects from chemo.

During adjustment, there is only slight contact between our hands and the person receiving adjustment. In the case of sensitive areas or doing it for people of the opposite sex, adjustment can be done at a distance of a couple of inches away, without any body contact at all.

We have volunteers who go to hospitals, nursing homes and even to the homes of people who are house-bound to do the adjustment. Anybody wishing to receive adjustment can refer to the website for contact information.

Kids (or parents) then, and now

2009-09-26T15:09:00.007+08:00

Those of us who grew up in the kampung days before the HDB era can attest to the fact that kids then, and now are very different.

I was at a hawker centre recently when I overheard a conversation among some senior citizens about kids and parents then, and now. One of them was a retired teacher who is still doing relief teaching in schools.

He said, in those days, parents expected the teachers to discipline their kids as well. Teachers then were our educators as well as our disciplinarians, and our parents had the greatest respect for them.

Some teachers punished for the slightest offence, like forgetting to bring a book, etc. Misbehaving would warrant a more severe punishment. Punishments included scolding, being kept in during recess, writing lines, sent outside the classroom, standing on chairs or desks, and physical punishment like pinching, slapping and caning. We had a particular teacher, a male, who would reach for the boys' abdomen and pinched and twisted at the same time. Fortunately, he did not do that to the girls.

Kids of my age then would agree that, once we were punished by teachers, we would pray hard that our parents did not hear of it from snitching neighbours' kids or even siblings, otherwise we would receive a second round of punishment, usually a harsher one from our parents. It was unheard of to have our parents rushing to school to lodge a complaint or to confront our teachers.

Practically in any household, the cane ruled.

Our disciplinary committee not only consisted of the teachers, but also included our uncles, aunts and any adult in our neighbourhood who bothered to take it on himself to discipline an recalcitrant child.

While we did not have so much homework and stress as the kids now, we had to help with household chores, especially the elder sons and daughters of the family. Household chores of yesteryears were no mean feat especially for those living in the rural areas.

Ready-made and bought toys were a rarity, largely due to financial constraints and our parents thriftiness. Our toys were self-made and only limited by whatever materials available or our lack of creativity.

No game arcades and games were improvised by our stretched imaginative powers or copied from others. We played hard and worked hard.

Food - we ate whatever was placed on the table and the choices were really limited as there was no round the clock electricity supply and so no refrigerator for storing food.

Clothings and shoes were mostly hand-me-downs, and in fact, sometimes we would be happy enough to receive those.

Entertainment - no television and only battery-operated radio.

Luxury - none

Today, any harsh words from a teacher will put the teacher at risk of incurring the wrath of the parents. My daughter's Chinese language tuition teacher also teaches at a government aided school, which she transferred to in recent years. As a responsible and concerned teacher, she had always set high standards on her students' work by deducting marks for Chinese characters that were not written properly. For this, she was cautioned by the authorities of the school to be lenient and give the students a lot of leeway. Reason being that the students are the school's revenue tools, or something along that line, and the school could not afford antagonizing the parents.

Kids nowadays are defiant and rebellious, that every so often parents are left wondering where they had gone wrong. It is not uncommon to hear adults complaining that it is very difficult to handle today's children.

They are a materialistic lot too, handphone, ipod, branded goods galore, you name it, they have it, and sometimes spending money faster than their parents can earn it.

They are a pampered lot and don't help with household chores, and yet at times, expected to be served hand and foot.

Children of today are shaped by their parents and their environment, meaning other kids.

Before we blamed our own or others' kids, maybe we ought to look at ourselves as parents first. There could be children who were borned with mean genes but there were many more who were borned pure and innocent. So, how did a pure, innocent, sweet little cuddly baby transform into a little tyrant and sometimes a hooligan as an adult? What happened in between?

Clearly, our style of nurturing seemed to leave much to be desired. It is now necessary for most families to have dual income with both parents working, thus often leaving the kids in the care of the maid, who was usually a very poor stand-in for the parents. Parents, guilt-stricken about not spending enough time with the kids, generally tend to overlook their tantrums and over compensate with cash and material stuff, probably inculcating wrong values into the kids that they grew up to be so materialistic.

Of course, kids nowadays are exposed to much more resources and areas of influence than we were.

I recalled when we were kids, parents used to have a uniform level of discipline for kids. But I noticed a lot of parents now tend to indulge than discipline the kids.

Another contributing factor is our parents, who used to be strict with us when we were kids, but who have amazingly become super indulgent when it comes to our kids, probably because their limits for patience and tolerance have disappeared when they become free from the daily grinds.

There are parents who tried hard to instill discipline, responsibility and morality into their kids. Unfortunately, too, there are those who give in to their kids' every whim and fancy. When kids from different households come together, with their super absorbent mind and "monkey see monkey do" attitude, there is a tendency for them to adopt undesirable habits from one another.

A parent laughing at the child's undesirable antics is actually encouraging the child's bad behaviour. When we were young, such antics were not tolerated but rewarded with punishment instead.

I believed in the old adage of "spare the rod and spoil the child" and all my kids have felt the sting of the cane wielded by their mother. Still, my kids have tested my patience and stretched my tolerance. I am grateful that though, for now, they are not exactly angels, they do have some qualities that I can't fault with. My mum used to say that if you don't bend the bamboo plant while it is still young, you will never be able to bend it when it grows old.

So, are our kids still at fault or are we failing miserably as parents?

Who is the sinner?

2009-09-23T20:39:00.002+08:00

In Singapore, the majority of us lived in HDB flats. There is a reasonable number of Singaporeans who loved animals and yet the HDB only allows a certain breed of dogs to be kept as pets, but no cats. Unfortunately, owing largely in part to this ruling, a large number of cats were abandoned and ended up as strays.

Quote :
Where can we go?

HDB says No
We stay on the streets
Town Council says No
The feeders mess up public areas
We move to the carparks
Car owners say No
The scratches must be that "stupid cat sleeping on the roof"
We move to the hawker centres
NEA says No
Or else no 'Singapore OK' label
We hang around the walkway
The young lady says we scare her mother
We move near the childcare
The parents complaint to the Town Council's officer
"Get rid of the cat or we beat your brain out!"
We poo on the grass
The Town Council's Senior Property Manager screams
"Cats cannot poo! Not even on the grass!"
Where can we go?
Can we ask to be unborn?
We are labelled pest and nuisance
Without justification
Look who is destroying the earth?
At an unprecedented pace
Come on
We only want to live
Just like you do
What right have you got to push us off the brink?

TODAY Weekend
26th July 2008
Unquote

When I was young and staying in the countryside, I don't ever recall having strays around. Sadly, as our country progressed, land of our forefathers were acquired by the government and our countryside disappeared. As we had no natural resources, we, the people become our country's resource. To accommodate the growing population, we were put into units stacked on top of one another. Unfortunately, most of our pets, especially the cats, which had co-existed with us since time immemorial, suddenly found that our government had no provision for them in our stacked-up homes.

There are people of Singapore today, who have suddenly acquired an attitude of intolerance, making mountains out of molehills and complaining over every minor thing, to the extent of sacrificing their morals for their materialistic attachments, like wanting cats to be removed and killed because they claimed that cats leave paw prints or scratches on their cars.

Quote :
"When there is attachment toward materialism, detachment toward consciousness is created of its own accord. When attachment toward consciousness exists, detachment toward materialism becomes natural."

There are those who used fear of cats, ailurophobia, to have the cats removed from their neighbourhood. Complainants used cat defecation, noise from caterwauling, etc, as grounds for removal of the cats. The town councils, who, without a moment's hesitation, in turn called in the pest control to trap the cats, which were then sent to AVA for culling.

Ailurophobia cannot be overcome simply by removing cats from the phobic person's surroundings because there will always be cats anywhere and the phobic person cannot hope to avoid seeing cats for the rest of his life. For his own benefit and in the interest of everyone concerned, cats included, the phobic person should seek professional help for his phobia.

As for dirtying and noise, I have seen motorcycle owners cleaning and revving their motorcycle engines in the void decks, knowing full well that it is against the rules. The oil spills left permanent stains on the floor. These people usually get away with their act and if they are ever caught, at most they pay is a fine. So, why do cats have to pay with their lives doing something which comes naturally to them and not out of any evil intent?

Cats defecate on the corridors of the upper floors of HDB blocks because of the irresponsible or ignorant acts of humans, who feed all over the place. Naturally, the cats would defecate nearby instead of on the earth at ground levels. Cats are territorial and fight or caterwaul when not sterilized.

An ignorant or irresponsible cat or animal lover :
- feels sorry for cat and feeds on impulse, does not think of the mess left behind or that the cat may defecate nearby

Neighbour complained to town council of mess, and cat is trapped and sent to AVA where it would be killed.

A responsible cat caregiver (from professionals to illiterate old folks who put in time, effort and money):
- feeds cats and clears the leftovers
- either traps or engages a cat trapper to trap unsterilized cats for neutering to control the cat population
- returns the sterilized cats to the neighbourhood, or
- if they are newcomers and get bullied by existing cats, puts them in a cattery, where they somestimes get adopted
- sends sick cats under their care to the vets for treatment
- from their pockets, pays for food, cat trapper fees, vet fees, cattery fees, etc
- fights for the release of cats caught by appealing to town councils and AVA
- supports the control of cat population humanely by way of the trap, neuter, release and manage (TNRM) program

And yet unfortunately, very often the authorities failed to appreciate their kind and compassionate acts, and called in the pest control whenever a complaint against cats was received. Despite letters of appeals, reasonings and protests, sometimes the authorities remained unmoved and persisted unfeelingly and unrelentingly in their callous acts against another sentient being, thereby causing an unnecessary waste of town council funds and undermining the efforts of the caregivers.

Caregivers go through a lot of hassle to obtain release of the cats from AVA. Sometimes, the cats were not released and would be killed instead. Thus, either the caregivers are out of pocket or emotionally spent.

When everyone pays their dues (services and conservancy charges) to the town council, why does the town council not accord equal and fair treatment to all in return?
Why do the officers pander to the mere whinnings of a complainant, and yet remained so unapproachable to appellants?
Why have humans become so selfish that they cannot share the world with other sentient beings, that they forgot that the word "human" forms part of the word "humane"?
Why does HDB stick so hard to its "no cats rule" even when it had been pointed out that all their conditions hold no water?
Why does the authorities not educate the general public on cats and cats management and welfare when they have been provided with and have access to all relevant materials?

So, who is the sinner?
The one who complained to the town council?
The town council who called the pest control?
The pest control who trapped and send the cat to the AVA?
The AVA who killed the cat?
Or HDB, because of its "no cats rule" that inadvertently created the vicious cycle of complaining, trapping and killing?

The cruel acts do not apply to cats alone. Monkeys are trapped and killed at AVA too. Pigeons fed bread laced with poison are killed enmasse, when it was the humans who should be told not to throw food out of their units to entice the pigeons.

As I was typing this, another blogger posted the following article. I cannot comprehend why a human must subject another fellow human to emotional torture by forcing them to make such a painful decision.

Quote :
Two old aunties rushed down to AVA after they found out that their cats were caught. A mother and her baby.

The officer brought the cats out but said he could only release one. The aunties had to choose.

The cats jumped for joy at seeing these familiar loving faces, not understanding the anguish and the tears.

They chose the mother. Because they had seen her as a baby, as a young playful adult and then an unwitting, unsavvy young mother. Then they witnessed the baby frantic, hysterical in the cage as she was carried back into the unspeakable backrooms.

How does anyone make such a decision? How do you expect them to recover from it? This happened some time ago but the aunties will never ever forget this.

Perhaps one day the CEO of AVA will stumble on this and hopefully it will move whatever compassion there still is, and steer AVA towards truly improving the welfare of the animals, instead of being famous for its never ending death rows!

H1N1

2009-09-22T16:39:00.003+08:00

There's a lot of talk about H1N1 and swine flu in recent months. I have received an email from Australia detailing what the governments are not telling their citizens. The article is lengthy and the many links included should be convincing enough for us to make an informed decision before rushing for that vaccination.

Quoted article :
We have all heard of the new swine flu right?

Well there is a lot of information for good reason that the governments around the world are not telling you. They are really doing an awesome job right now at running fear campaigns to have everyone in the community running scared about H1N1.

Before you decide to get your shots voluntarily please take your time to weigh up the facts that could ultimately lead to protecting your health rather than just rushing into vaccination because your Government says it’s the right thing to do.

Did you know that the Australian Government has completed a deal with CSL to buy 21 million vaccinations for the Australian people and they start Australia’s single biggest immunization program ever on the 30th September 2009? – see
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfX&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=P&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfv&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=f&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfK&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=8&

Did you know that the Irish Government is making it Mandatory?
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDf2&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=j&
- there is a huge list of articles on the right hand side of this article – all on the H1N1 along with further info and videos you can watch.

Did you know that the UK Government is planning mass vaccinations?
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfZ&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=U&

Did you know that a Baxter International research facility in Austria sent a quantity of the H3N2 viral material to 18 European Laboratories? Watch this -
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfe&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=5&

Here is information about the law suit filed against Baxter & Avir:
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfo&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=k&

Did you know that 4.9 Billion Vaccines have been made for the H1N1 flu and they are about to be administered around the globe voluntarily to begin and eventually planned to be mandatory? Mass Vaccination Documents Leaked
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfL&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=Y& - Part 1
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfH&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=u& - Part 2

Ok so the vaccine is coming but what does this really mean for you?

Of course, everyone has free will to do what they want but before you make your decision, we just want to bring many important facts to your attention before you run out to get your
shot…. Take some time to read and watch the links below and you maybe shocked about the real facts of the H1N1 Flu….

This is the stuff the Governments won't tell you….

If you want more info on the affects of what this vaccine for swine flu can do along with the real facts of the swine flu then go to:
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfm&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=x&

Here is an interview by Dr Mercola talking about the Vaccine: -
please disregard any advertising on this video.
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfP&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=T&

As of August 28th 2009 (update 63)
(http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDff&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=c& ), there
have been 2185 deaths world wide from H1N1. Compared to seasonal flu, this does not constitute a pandemic let alone justify mandatory mass vaccination with a vaccine that will have dangerous side effects and little proof of efficacy.

Approximately 36 thousand Americans die from seasonal flu every year, 200 thousand are hospitalised. Between 250 - 500 thousand people die from seasonal flu world wide, also resulting in three to five million cases of severe illness.
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDf8&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=p& The world
wide 2185 deaths from H1N1 virus, does not constitute a pandemic yet alone grounds to begin mandatory vaccination around the world.

This doesn’t make sense to us and it seems there is some higher order or reason to be running this scare campaign around the world. There is also a massive cost to each tax payer along with a huge profit being made by the manufacturer of the vaccine.

While we are on manufacturers, can you believe a company called Medimmune filed a patent on the latest H1N1 flu more than a year before the first case? Yes you heard, a year before the swine flu started!!! Don’t believe us then watch this….
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfj&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=s& - H1N1 Swine
Flu Virus Patented by Medimmune Back in 2008

Funny that the Australian government cant even come clean on the actual cost yet they have put in an order for 21 million H1N1 vaccinations and there are only 21 Million people in the country!

If that is not starting to look like mandatory vaccination then what is? Why would the Government buy 21 Million Vaccines at a cost they can not even tell the tax payers of Australia about if they didn’t have a plan to max vaccinate? You be the judge…
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfv&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=f&
–Federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon says near the end of the article and we quote…

Ms Roxon was unable to put a precise figure on the cost of the vaccine.

"There are some confidentiality issues. We have a private contractual agreement with CSL for the priority provision for this vaccine," she said.

"I have made clear on the record before that it is over $100 million. It is not appropriate for us to be itemizing the exact cost, given the commercial interests that are also at stake."

Personally we find that very interesting that the government who has gone into contract with CSL can not give the Australian people (who will be consuming the vaccine should they choose to have it) an honest answer of what this vaccine is going to cost the tax payers nor the real facts behind the vaccine.

It is really interesting that CSL the makers of the vaccine have posted a tidy 63% profit also:
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfU&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=1&

Some more interesting sites, articles & videos worth reading & Watching before you make your choice to be vaccinated….

http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDf5&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=b&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfk&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=3&

http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfY&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=N&

http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfu&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=7&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfx&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=d&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfT&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=q&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfc&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=g&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfp&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=n&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfs&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=D&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDf1&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=a&
- action you can take if you are a US citizen
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfb&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=4&

http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDf3&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=A&
- Bioterrorism Evidence - 134page document
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfN&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=6& - US troopers reacting to flu vaccine

US National Vaccine Information Center
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDf7&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=E&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfd&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=B&
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfq&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=S&

Other non relevant Articles about what is going on right now:
Ok, what can you do?

Choose to take it or choose not to take it? Your choice of course….

If you do decide to take it please follow Dr Mercola’s steps in this video -
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfP&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=T&

If you don’t decide to take it, stand up and be counted now, please! Please tell everyone you love and care about what is really going on with the H1N1. There is a game being played by
the powers to be and now more than ever before, the people of the world need to stick together to defeat the barrage that is about to be onslaught to the worlds people.

Don’t believe us that there are some serious games going on?

Even world renown actor and bad boy Charlie Sheen has stood up addressing President Obama asking questions about so many things in an Address on the anniversary of the 9/11 bombing – see:
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfg&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=h&

Don’t know who is really controlling the world right now?
Watch this video and make up your own mind….
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfn&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=z&
- on the right hand side of the video you will see a lot more to watch. Feel free to research more at your own free will…
Believe what you will from it…

We believe there is a game being played in a big way right now and you need to know about it to assist you with the decisions you make for you and your family and to take action.

If what you have read and watched has you wanting to take actionand you live in Australia then Michael Bending of Alliance for Health Freedom Australia has a petition against mandatory swine flu vaccination on his site, he is aiming for 100,000 signatures
and has only just posted it so there are less than 1000 so far.

He needs as many health-wise people to sign this petition and send the message to Rudd and Roxson that mandatory vaccinations are TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

The link is:
http://getresponse.com/click.html?x=a62b&lc=lDfD&mc=f&s=B6IEj&y=G&

Read the letter on the right hand side along with review the links in the letter. You can also send a copy of the letter to your local member if you live in Australia.

If you are not from Australia, research this more in your local country and make a stand now!

Please take action with your research today – time is ticking fast!

Please take it upon yourself to research the internet in your own country. Please google any of the following; “H1N1 Vaccination” “H1N1 vaccine” “H1N1” “H1N1 Update” “H1N1 Forced Vaccinations” to get you started.

Power of mantra and chanting

2009-09-16T16:21:00.004+08:00

Ever since I became a Buddihist and learnt to chant the mantra and sutra, I have always relied on mantra and sutra chantings for peace of mind and to overcome adversities.

When I underwent surgery in Nov 2006, my mind was only occupied with chanting until the anaesthesia knocked me out. I had asked for Buddha's blessings so that my surgery would proceed well, and had then concentrated on chanting silently. My preoccupation with chanting kept me calm and I felt no fear nor anxiety.

When I was warded, hooked onto oxygen and confined to bed, my mind was preoccupied with visualizations of the Buddha, my Root Guru and my local Master and continuous chantings while I was drifting in and out of morphine-induced sleep.

My lungs were flooded again before I stopped my chemo in June 2008. My onco wanted to start me on another round of chemo with different drugs. I refused as I was aware that it was more chemo that caused my lungs to be flooded again and also because I was taking ayurvedic herbal brews. Subsequently, when I was fit enough, I joined my prayer group for prayers and meditation. I recalled that it was only my 3rd visit with them when I realised that my lungs had cleared. I realised that I was suddenly breathing better. It was something like a choked sink, where the water was slowly dribbling through and suddenly the chokage was cleared and the sink was emptied of water. Yes, I had been on herbal brews and even the AM acknowledged that the effect is very slow and takes time. However, I believed that in my case, the blessings, chanting and prayers helped.

Some years back, my son broke his left little finger in an ice-skating accident. He was put on general anaesthesia during surgery to reset the broken bone. A friend told me once that after a surgery under GA, her surgeon had difficulty waking her. Her sub-conscious mind had resisted until her surgeon used the magic words "it's all over", only then did she allow herself to be awakened. I was in the waiting area outside and it was near midnight. I recalled that I had wondered about the length of time the surgery had taken and had thought about what my friend had said about being under GA. I asked for Buddha's blessings and chanted and sent positive thoughts to my son for him to come out of GA as soon as the surgery was over.

Later, when he was sent back to the ward, he told me that when he awoke immediately after the surgery, the nurses were surprised and commented that he looked so fresh and very different from people who just came out of GA.

During his national service, my son was attached to the armoured infantry. As a machine gunner of an armoured vehicle, the upper half of his body would protrude from the vehicle. During one training in Australia, the vehicle he was in slid into a ditch and came to rest at an angle, just stopped short of rolling over. In an emergency, his buddy inside the vehicle was supposed to pull him back into the vehicle. In that incident, it happened so fast, nobody had time to react. My son said, in those few moments he thought he was a goner. Fortunately, the vehicle did not roll over, and he came back to me safe and sound and I learnt what had happened. I told him I had been praying for him for the whole trip. I had chanted and had transferred merits to him throughout his national service days especially when he had life-firing exercises or other outdoor activities that I considered dangerous.

Some of the mantras and sutras comprised of a few syllables, but some are a few hundred syllables long, and it takes efforts and constant practice to memorize them. Over the years, due to various incidents and my own health, I have managed to memorized some of them. I admit I have not been very consistent and hardworking in my homework and it is due to all these crises that forced me to be a conscientious devotee. It is like 临时抱彿脚 , and I am fortunate that with Buddha's blessings I am able to share my thoughts today.

Chakra healing (爱心双手长生学)

2009-09-12T17:08:00.007+08:00

I have just completed a six-night training on chakra healing. I have six of my 7 chakra points opened. The last point, Chakra point No. 1 is at a very inconvenient location and is never used in chakra healing by longevitology.

The training is free and all that is asked of us is that we volunteer our services to help others with their health.

This is the Singapore website.

There are two centres in Singapore where therapy is given free by volunteers. Chakra healing therapy or zhang shen xue (长生学) as it is known to the two centres, are only using the venues for its therapy sessions, so it is advisable to call first, in case the centre is closed due to holiday or other activities. Try to go 1 hour before the closing time to give allowance for waiting and therapy.

1. Kampung Senang
Blk 106 Aljunied Crescent
Time : every Wednesday, 10am to 12pm
every Sunday, 1pm to 3pm
Tel : 67498509

2. Poh Ern Shih
No. 9 Chwee Chian Road
Time : every Sunday, 2pm to 4pm
Tel : 64743926

When I went home after the first day of training on 6 Sept, Sunday, none of my kids wanted to be my guinea pig, so I grabbed my puppy and practised on her. My puppy has problems with her right eye, digestion and right rear kneecap. After I 'treated' her tummy, her appetite seemed to have improved.

I was not aware that we could actually used our techniques on animals and plants as well until I collected our training materials on the second day.

I had wanted to bring my youngest along as it is the school holidays and she is 14, which is the minimum required age. But she told me that "I don't believe and I am not interested, so there is no point for me to go". Ironically, on the second night, she became my first human patient or guinea pig.

She sprained her right elbow during gymnastic training in school. I told her, "just nice, let me treat it for you", and she went, "I don't want you to touch me". Oh, she ought to know this mummy doesn't give up easily. I made her lie down comfortably and treated her elbow for her. After that, she was all smiles and said she felt better and could move her elbow slightly. I have been treating her elbow for the past few days, and on Wednesday, her coach called to ask about her elbow and whether she had been to a doctor. I overheard her telling him that she is much better, elbow is not swollen and she had not been to a doctor.

Chakra healing involves harnessing universal energy to balance our system and repair our cells. It is supposed to be able to correct most health problems.

My faith

2009-09-06T15:02:00.006+08:00

There is a group on Facebook and called :
"I'm a Buddhist... and I'm proud to say it!!"
The creator is not Asian.

This is what was stated in the 'description' :

It seems like everyone on my friends list is joining some group about how much they love jesus, so I'm making a group to support the underdogs, and remind them all that less than 31% of the world is christian. So many people forget that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other religions in the world that are equally, if not more, valid than christianity. Having studied the information and propeganda of every religion I could get my hands on, I came to the very obvious realization that Buddhists have been lightyears ahead of the rest of the spiritual world for a very long time!

I am also a Buddhist and I am also proud to say it.

After I left school, my first job was with SIA. The Christian cell groups were very active. I was young, just left school, naive and impressionable. I was persuaded by colleagues to attend church, much to my parents' disapproval. I was not baptized and stayed away from church not long after. I had observed going-ons which I had reservations about.

I recalled the group renting a landed property in Thomson and they were displeased when they found that another group had also rented a place nearby. I didn't understand what all the fuss was about, as afterall aren't they of the same faith?

Then, there were the sharing sessions, where some members shared how they denounced their former religion to become Christians. They condemned other religions and called some of them cults. Witnessing those sessions disturbed me considerably, which was a blessing in disguise for me as that was probably the push-factor that made me stay away from church, to my parents' relief.

My parents were Taoists and also engaged in ancestral worship. I had a strict upbringing and filial piety was the order of the day, and to treat my ancestors' tablets without due respects was something which I cannot condone.

Later, I realised that I always found comfort when I visited the Goddess of Mercy temple in Waterloo Street. I wanted very much to become a Buddhist and started looking for a master, nevermind that my knowledge of theories on Buddhism was practically nil. From then on, I had always considered myself a Buddhist, and I have also found my master through a primary school classmate.

This is just my personal experience with a particular church and a particular group of Christians and I am aware that this does not represent Christians nor churches all over. I do have Christian friends who respect my choice of faith and other religions.

Taekwondo tragedy

2009-09-04T09:45:00.003+08:00

A reader wrote to the ST forum online on the tragedy concerning the participant who died in a taekwondo competition recently.

MR LIM Teong Chin, general manager of the Singapore Taekwondo Federation (STF), argued in his letter on Monday, 'Taekwondo tragedy could have been avoided if only...', that the unfortunate accident could have been avoided if the People's Association (PA) continued to engage instructors from the STF only. However, he seems more interested in preaching non-safety-related merits of being a member of the STF.

At no point in his letter did Mr Lim point out any specific lapses in safety or procedures that led to the tragedy specifically because of the absence of STF instructors. Instead, he dwells on the importance of being a member of the STF in getting recognised grades and having the opportunity to represent Singapore in high-profile tournaments, and takes the PA to task for engaging non-STF instructors.

Liew Chin Wen
ST forum online, 4 Sep 2009

I sent my son for taekwondo training when he started Primary 1 because, being a boy, I wanted him to grow up tough and fit and have some knowledge of self-defence, not only that, but also to instill discipline and train his reflexes.

Recently, the papers reported about the death of a participant in a competition after his opponent kicked him in or near his head. As usual, after such incidences, the relevant authorities will talk about the guidelines and safety rules and stressed on adherence to these rules.

When my son saw the article, he said, "b.s., when we went for competition, our instructor told us to aim for the head as that would help us to score points". There was no such thing as matching opponents with same belts or same age groups. In one competition, he was up against an opponent, who was not only several belts higher than him, but was also older and bigger than him. My son was kicked in the mouth and they only stopped the match when they saw that he was bleeding.

Every so often, we come across situations where guidelines, safety rules and regulations were put in place without much foresight. When things go wrong, sometimes these rule setters not only do not admit to their lack of foresight, but also turned round and started shifting the blame.

Sometimes, I wonder how much does it take to admit to a mistake. Do saving dollars and reputation (face) matter more than having a clear conscience?

Approaching epidemic : brain damage from mobile phone radiation

2009-09-04T08:36:00.008+08:00

Article is taken from mercola.com. It is very long and I am reproducing the whole article here as I feel that there is not much awareness here in Singapore concerning this.
This danger could very well be avoided had our authorities put in efforts to educate the public. A social worker from the hospice care had actually mentioned her observations to me concerning the increase in the number of young people with brain cancer among the patients she is counselling. I have also shared my own experience with mobile phones here.

A collaborative team of international EMF activists has released a report detailing eleven design flaws of the 13-country, Telecom-funded Interphone study.

The exposé discusses research on cell phones and brain tumors, concluding that:

There is a risk of brain tumors from cell phone use
Telecom funded studies underestimate the risk of brain tumors
Children have larger risks than adults for brain tumors

The Interphone study, begun in 1999, was intended to determine the risks of brain tumors, but its full publication has been held up for years. Components of this study published to date reveal what the authors call a ‘systemic-skew’, greatly underestimating brain tumor risk.

The design flaws include categorizing subjects who used portable phones (which emit the same microwave radiation as cell phones,) as ‘unexposed’; exclusion of many types of brain tumors; exclusion of people who had died, or were too ill to be interviewed as a consequence of their brain tumor; and exclusion of children and young adults, who are more vulnerable.

Ronald B. Herberman, MD, Director Emeritus of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute has stated,

“Based on substantial evidence, especially from industry-independent studies that long term exposure to radiofrequency radiation may lead to increased risk for brain tumors, I issued a precautionary advisory last year to faculty and staff of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute.

Since then, my particular concern about exposure of children to radiofrequency has been supported by a report from Dr. Lennart Hardell. Some of my scientific colleagues have expressed skepticism about the reported biological effects, especially DNA0A damage by radiofequency radiation, because of the absence of a demonstrated underlying molecular mechanism.

However, based on the precautionary principle, I believe it is more prudent to take seriously the reports by multiple investigators that radiofrequency can damage DNA and increase the risk for brain tumors, and for industry-independent agencies to provide needed funding for detailed research to ascertain the molecular basis for such effects.”

Lloyd Morgan, lead author and member of the Bioelectromagnetics Society says,

“Exposure to cell phone radiation is the largest human health experiment ever undertaken, without informed consent, and has some 4 billion participants enrolled.

Science has shown increased risk of brain tumors from use of cell phones, as well as increased risk of eye cancer, salivary gland tumors, testicular cancer, non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and leukemia.

The public must be informed.”

Dr Mercola's comments :

After a break in the media about the dangers of cell phones, the issue will likely regain momentum with the release of this brand new report.

An International Expert Conference on Cell Phones and Health is scheduled to take place on September 13-15 in Washington D.C., and a yet to be formally announced Senate hearing on cell phone safety is also in the works by Senator Arlen Specter, according to Microwave News.

With the ever-increasing, widespread use of wireless communications, it is imperative to understand the risks inherent in the use of the technology, yet the government has been very slow to respond, no doubt in large part due to industry pressure. (In fact, the cell phone industry is expected to boycott the upcoming conference.)

Ever growing scientific research corroborates the suspicion that information-carrying radio waves transmitted by cell phones and other wireless devices can:

Cause brain tumors
Harm blood cells and cause cellular changes
Damage your DNA
Cause nerve-cell damage
Accelerate and contribute to the onset of autism , and trigger Alzheimer’s disease
Damage your eyes
Cause sleep disruptions, fatigue and headaches

A quote from Chris Woollams, one of the endorsers of the new report, sums up the issue well:

“In a world where a drug cannot be launched without proof that it is safe, where the use of herbs and natural compounds available to all since early Egyptian times are now questioned, their safety subjected to the deepest scrutiny, where a new food cannot be launched without prior approval, the idea that we use mobile telephony, including masts, and introduce WiFi and mobile phones without restrictions around our 5 year olds is double-standards gone mad.

I speak, not just as an editor and scientist that has looked in depth at all the research, but as a father that lost his beloved daughter to a brain tumor.”

Researchers Keep Finding Links Between Cell Phone Use, Brain Damage and Cancer

Last year, a well-circulated Swedish study found that people using cell phones doubled their risk of developing brain cancer and acoustic neuroma (a tumor that damages your hearing nerve).

The study also showed that people who started using cell phones before the age of 20 were more than five times as likely to develop brain cancer.

The European Parliament responded by voting 522 to 16 to urge ministers across Europe to impose stricter limits for exposure to radiation from mobile and cordless phones, wi-fi and other radiation-generating devices -- in part because children are particularly vulnerable to the risk.

Dr. Gerd Oberfeld, M.D., the Speaker for Environmental Medicine for the Austrian Medical Association in Vienna, Austria says:

"The scientific data show, with a high degree of confidence, that mobile phone exposure is associated with an increased brain tumor risk.

The age group below 20 years is facing the greatest risk, which for malignant (deadly) brain tumors is about 400 percent, compared to non-exposed.

When we take the long latency period of up to some decades into account, and the fact that large parts of our society, and especially more and more teenagers and even children are using mobile phones on a daily basis, we may well expect a brain tumor epidemic.

From a public health perspective there is an urgent need not only for a wake-up call for our society, but for measures that are able to combat this public health threat effectively, now.”

The cell phone industry’s standard comment has been that "the peer-reviewed scientific evidence has overwhelmingly indicated that wireless devices do not pose a public health risk."

This report exposes that statement for the lie that it is.

In fact, there’s no shortage of evidence showing that cell phone use (and other wireless devices) can be dangerous to your health, and to your child in particular.

As this new report points out, even some of the industry’s own research found that cell phones caused brain tumors, and subsequent industry-funded studies from 2000 to 2002 also showed an elevated risk of brain cancer.

One such study reportedly found a 20 percent increased risk of brain tumor for every year of cell phone use!

And, if you remove the Telecom industry funded research, then the weight of the evidence overwhelmingly shows that cell phones cause health problems, including, but not limited to:

Brain tumors
Eye cancer
Testicular cancer
Salivary gland tumors
Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma
Leukemia

Fortunately more and more people are beginning to take the warning signs seriously.

In 2005, the British-based National Radiological Protection Board suggested children younger than age 8 should not be given a cell phone as it risks exposing their young bodies to harmful radiation. Last year Toronto's department of public health followed suit, warning that because of possible side effects from radio frequency radiation, children under 8 should only use a cell phone in emergencies, and teenagers should limit calls to less than 10 minutes.

The U.K., Belgium, Germany, France and Russia have also introduced precautionary policies regarding cell phone usage due to potential health risks.

Few people realize this, but brain cancer has surpassed leukemia as the number one cancer killer in children, and many scientists believe this is directly linked to the exponential increase in cell phone use and other wireless devices.

Australia has seen an increase in pediatric brain cancers of 21 percent in just one decade. This is consistent with studies showing a 40 percent brain tumor increase across the board in Europe and the U.K. over the last 20 years.

These statistics are consistent with many of the scientific research findings.

Another example is the 2003 study published in Environmental Health Perspectives (the journal of the National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences). They found that rats exhibited serious neuronal brain damage following exposure to radiation from a cell phone, at levels comparable to what you would experience during normal use.

The nerve cell damage was observed in several places within the rats’ brains, including the cortex, hippocampus and basal ganglia.

The authors concluded,

"Intense use of mobile phones by youngsters is a serious consideration. A neuronal damage of the kind described here may not have immediate, demonstrable consequences, even if repeated. In the long run, however, it may result in reduced brain reserve capacity that might be unveiled by other later neuronal disease or even the wear and tear of aging."

What Can You Do?

Remember, the damage from cell phone exposure can take many years to surface. There are rarely any initial symptoms, just like smoking and lung cancer. Are you really willing to risk the chance of developing brain cancer because you don’t want to sacrifice the minor inconvenience of using your cell’s speaker phone, or using a safe headset?

This should be of particular concern if you have children, since, just like smoking, WiFi does not discriminate between user and bystander.

I have written more in-depth about how to reduce the risk to your child before, and as a refresher, I strongly urge you to review some of that information now.

For a review of HOW cell phones and other wireless technology can cause the type of damage just discussed, I recommend reading this previous article.

In addition, the eye-opening DVD Public Exposure covers this serious health issue in even greater depth. But for immediate recommendations on how to protect yourself and your family from the dangers of cell phone radiation, please review the guidelines included in my previous article, Now Half the World Has a Cell Phone - - Why That is a Brain Tumor Epidemic Waiting to Happen.

Tulsi (basil) - remedy for swine flu

2009-09-04T08:19:00.004+08:00

This article is from Yahoo News, August 12 2009.

In Singapore, the 'Himalaya' pure herbs carries basil (tulsi) in capsule form and is available from Watson's and Mustafa (I think).

Ayurveda, the traditional 'science of life', has a remedy for diseases when every other stream of medicine fails. Now, at a time when swine flu is spreading like wildfire across the world, Ayurveda has the remedy in the form of the miraculous herb, the basil leaves commonly known as Tulsi.

Tulsi, the purest and most sublime plant, has been known and worshipped in India for more than five millennia for its remarkable healing properties. Considered as an 'Elixir of Life', this wonder herb has now been claimed to keep the deadly swine flu at bay and help fast recovery in afflicted persons.

"The anti-flu property of Tulsi has been discovered by medical experts across the world quite recently. Tulsi improves the body's overall defence mechanism including its ability to fight viral diseases. It was successfully used in combating Japanese Encephalitis and the same theory applies to swine flu," Dr U K Tiwari, a herbal medicine practitioner says.

Apart from acting as a preventive medicine in case of swine flu, Tulsi can help the patient recover faster.

"Even when a person has already contracted swine flu, Tulsi can help in speeding up the recovery process and also help in strengthening the immune system of the body," he claims.

Dr Bhupesh Patel, a lecturer at Gujarat Ayurved University, Jamnagar is also of the view that Tulsi can play an important role in controlling swine flu.

"Tulsi can control swine flu and it should be taken in fresh form. Juice or paste of at least 20-25 medium sized leaves should be consumed twice a day on an empty stomach." This increases the resistance of the body and, thereby, reduces the chances of inviting swine flu," believes Patel.

As its name suggests, Tulsi has again proved to be the 'the incomparable' medicine - this time, in the prevention and cure of swine flu.

The symptoms of the H1N1 flu virus in people are similar to the symptoms of seasonal flu and include fever, cough, sore throat, runny or stuffy nose, body aches, headache, chills and fatigue. A significant number of people who have been infected with novel H1N1 flu virus also have reported diarrhea and vomiting. The high risk groups for novel H1N1 flu are not known at this time, but it's possible that they may be the same as for seasonal influenza. However, Please consult a practitioner in case of any such symptoms. Doctors have strictly advised against self medication.

Pet Therapy

2009-08-31T18:54:00.008+08:00

Email from a friend :

Lucky Dog.....

Anyone who has pets will really like this. You'll like it even if you don't and you may even decide you need one!

Mary and her husband Jim had a dog named 'Lucky.'

Lucky was a real character. Whenever Mary and Jim had company come for a weekend visit they would warn their friends to not leave their luggage open because Lucky would help himself to whatever struck his fancy. Inevitably, someone would forget and something would come up missing.

Mary or Jim would go to Lucky's toy box in the basement and there the treasure would be, amid all of Lucky's other favorite toys Lucky always stashed his finds in his toy box and he was very particular that his toys stay in the box.

It happened that Mary found out she had breast cancer. Something told her she was going to die of this disease....in fact; she was just sure it was fatal.

She scheduled the double mastectomy, fear riding her shoulders. The night before she was to go to the hospital she cuddled with Lucky. A thought struck her...what would happen to Lucky? Although the three-year-old dog liked Jim, he was Mary's dog through and through. If I die, Lucky will be abandoned, Mary thought. He won't understand that I didn't want to leave him! The thought made her sadder than thinking of her own death.

The double mastectomy was harder on Mary than her doctors had anticipated and Mary was hospitalized for over two weeks. Jim took Lucky for his evening walk faithfully, but the little dog just drooped, whining and miserable.

Finally the day came for Mary to leave the hospital. When she arrived home, Mary was so exhausted she couldn't even make it up the steps to her bedroom. Jim made his wife comfortable on the couch and left her to nap.

Lucky stood watching Mary but he didn't come to her when she called. It made Mary sad but sleep soon overcame her and she dozed.

When Mary woke for a second she couldn't understand what was wrong. She couldn't move her head and her body f felt heavy and hot. But panic soon gave way to laughter when Mary realized the problem. She was covered, literally blanketed, with every treasure Lucky owned! While she had slept, the sorrowing dog had made trip after trip to the basement bringing his beloved mistress all his favorite things in life.
He had covered her with his love.
Mary forgot about dying. Instead she and Lucky began living again, walking further and further together every day. It's been 12 years now and Mary is still cancer-free. Lucky He still steals treasures and stashes them in his toy box but Mary remains his greatest treasure.

Remember....live every day to the fullest. Each minute is a blessing. And never forget....the people who make a difference in our lives are not the ones with the most Credentials, the most money, or the most awards.. They are the ones that care for us.

If you see someone without a smile today give them one of yours! Live simply. Love seriously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

A small request
All you are asked to do is keep this circulating, even if it is only to one more person, in memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer or is still fighting their battle.

My update

2009-08-31T17:47:00.004+08:00

I went for my check-up today. As usual, I had my blood test done on Friday so that I could collect the test results today.

Cancer marker (CA 153) => 13.8

Though I am feeling fine, for some reason, my cancer marker seemed to have a mind of its own and had been steadily heading north since January this year. It is now 13.8, up from 12 in January. As expected, my onco is not bothered as it is still well within the normal of 25. But I am curious to know why and when it is at least going to stabilise or head south again.

I am still fine and my onco seemed to think so too, after getting 'no' for pain, breathlessness and discomfort. Again, he asked about the medication I am on. When I said ayurvedic herbal brew, he said he just wanted to know. Oh, so he wanted to know what is keeping me alive. Okay, then I should have told him it's actually ayurvedic herbal brew plus a lot of Buddha's blessings. I was slow. I must remember to tell him this on my next visit. Really, this new onco seemed more open, receptive and friendlier.

I told him I am not going for any hormone therapy as I don't want any foreign stuff interfering with the natural functions of my body. He explained that the hormone therapy is not exactly interfering and is actually good for me - whatever, I am not taking it. My next appointment is 10 weeks' time in November.

My appointment today was for 11.40am but I waited until 1.15pm before I could see him. I read some to kill time, but having to breathe through the facemask (thanks to the H1N1) all the time, kept making me tired and drowsy. Occasionally, I had to lift up the mask to get a bit of 'fresh air' - yeah, right, the air in hospital buildings is never fresh, but still it is slightly better than having to breathe through the mask.

I had lunch and then went to check on my sister-in-law in block 7. Then it's back to NCC again to see J who has an appointment with her onco (same onco as me). By the time, J was done, it was past 3pm. M was there with another patient, A, who lived somewhere near my area. A was alone and I found out from M that she would be taking a bus back. I really wanted to stay and accompany A as we would be heading in the same direction, but A hadn't seen her onco yet, and I was already shagged by then. I had been up at 5am to get breakfast for my kids, and even though I had a 1.5 hour nap before I set out this morning, I was feeling the strain.

I reached home at 5.15 and had to down another cup of coffee before I was able to do this post.

J - update

2009-08-30T22:49:00.002+08:00

J had turned up as usual for her herbal brew. However, upon arrival, she refused to alight from the car, saying that her arm was very painful and she could not walk. No amount of coaxing was able to move her.

The night before she had vomitted due to indigestion. Her husband was concerned about her lack of appetite and weight loss and had given her Nestum cereals. Unfortunately, due to her weakened stomach, she had problem with digestion and had vomitted.

AM's advice was that, for the time being, it was okay if she doesn't want to eat, and that she could take up to 10 cups of milk+ghee+honey a day. Her husband was also advised to keep her warm, meaning no fan and aircon.

AJ update

2009-08-30T17:04:00.004+08:00

26 Aug, Wednesday, AJ went for her checkup and got the results of her ctscan which she had done about a week ago.

According to her onco, her prognosis was not good. Onco's interpretation of the ctscan was that there was a new lump on her lung and her current tumour had become bigger. Her onco wanted to put her on chemo again with stronger drugs. AJ asked for a 6-week break.

AM said the supposed 'new lump' was not a lump at all, rather it was a shadow that the ctscan happened to capture. Her current tumour had not grown bigger, it had simply smoothened out. The chemo had caused the tumour to shrivel and since AJ had stopped chemo, the tumour had smoothened out. Even with medication, it takes time for the tumour to shrink. The AM told AJ not to worry and assured her that he would take care of it.

The ctscan results and the prognosis her onco gave her caused AJ's relatives to be very concerned, and in turn put a lot of stress on AJ. I had been stressed too as I had been sharing my experience with AJ which could have influenced her and led her to stop chemo. Although AJ had felt fine, she had been unduly worried too as her confidence in the AM had grown with her progress, and she had not expected that kind of ctscan results. I must admit that until we saw the AM on Friday, my confidence had taken a hard knock.

With the AM's assurance, I hope AJ is more at ease now. Dealing with an illness like cancer, the condition of the mind is very important. We ought to remain steady, and not to panic as that will stressed ourselves out.

Gracious Singaporean

2009-08-26T12:03:00.003+08:00

I was queuing at the counter of the NTUC supermart earlier and met a very gracious Singaporean.

A young man, probably in his 30s or so, was making payment. An NTUC staff member was with him when I caught part of the conversation and heard the customer said, "give it to the auntie". Straightaway, he turned to me and asked if I had the NTUC card. I fished out my LinkPoints card and showed it to him and he said, that's the one.

He asked the cashier to credit the points from his purchases to my card. His total purchases came to nearly S$1400. NTUC awards 2 points for every dollar spent, which meant that my card was credited with nearly 3000 points. The cashier said that 3000 points will qualify me for a S$20 NTUC voucher. Thank you very much! A pity I didn't ask for his name. Well, this is one of those times where I don't mind being called an 'auntie'.

When asked, he confirmed that the purchases were for charity and the items (mostly staples like rice, etc) were meant for a Buddhist temple in Simpang Bedok. Later, I learnt from the cashier that this customer comes regularly to make similar huge purchases.

NTUC currently also has a promotion on, where 1 point is given for every S$20 spent. These points are printed after the receipt and they can then be exchanged for stainless steel cookware. This customer did not want them too and asked the cashier to give them to 'this auntie' too. However, the cashier was quick to tell him that 'if you don't want them, then we want them', and promptly stashed all the slips away.

I admired him not only for his philanthropic act, but also his quiet demeanor while he carried out his transaction.

Flora (Fleur) - RIP

2009-08-23T23:27:00.002+08:00

I came back from taiji this morning and checked her blog. I learnt that she was already gone at 0530 hours.

Though I don't know her personally, I felt a sense of loss. She was so young. I wanted to post an update on her, but I suddenly felt very tired and was not in the mood for any posting.

I am especially affected when cancer patients die so young. I know practically all of us put up a big fight, and yet inevitably not all will win. For the victors, we don't know how long victory is ours, but we do know that we won the last round.

Flora, rest in peace.

J - update

2009-08-22T08:12:00.003+08:00

J went for her ayurvedic medicine last night - her third dose.

I was really glad to see her, and best of all, she looked so much more improved than from 2 weeks ago. Then, she was all hunched over even when sitting. She was also one very unhappy J and wasn't talking much.

Last night, she was sitting upright in the wheelchair. She was smiling and so chirpy, and was very excited about seeing a dog, a Pomerian mixed, at the premises. She was trying to get the dog's attention, unfortunately, the dog is very old, unstable on her feet, can hardly see and has problem with her sense of balance. M, her husband, told me that their dog died last year and that J loves dogs and cats. An animal lover - I wonder if she should get another dog to brighten up her spirits.

She was clearly in much better mood last night and even M appeared more relaxed. She could even carry on a conversation with me and AJ. I was really pleasantly surprised. I am very happy for her and hope she continues to be on the mend.

Sometimes, I must admit I am glad when oncos tell cancer patients that they have tried their best and that there is nothing else they can do for the patient. Confronted with this, cancer patients should put oncos, chemos and rt's aside and concentrate on alternative therapy. At least, they do not have to have nagging doubts of whether they are making the right decision to stop conventional and go for alternative, because there is no choice. Oncos have given up, so what else is there for cancer patients to deliberate over?