Decision to start chemo

16 Feb 08, Sat - Dr Wong, my principal doctor in this case, wanted me to start on chemo on Monday, 18 Feb. Before that, she wanted to see my husband at 8.00 am on Monday.

I had heard about the effects chemo drugs had on the heart, and told Dr Wong that I was concerned about my heart and my current condition. She said they would monitor and that I could go home after the chemo as she didn't want me catch any infection there. As that would be my first chemo, I requested to stay 1 more day for observation.

17 Feb 08, Sun - Morning, I asked an attendant to send me for shower. As she went to get a commode to transport me to the bathroom, I packed my stuff properly and went through mentally the things that I would be doing. I would be without oxygen for the duration of the bath and I had to make it a quick one. I hurried through the shower and was drying up when I realised that I had run into breathing problems again. I threw on my pyjamas and urged the attendant to rush me back to the room. She hesitated as I hadn't finished buttoning up. She was concerned about my modesty. I needed to get to oxygen fast. Well, I am not exactly totally indecent. It's okay, I told her, you start moving first and I'd button up on the way. I was gasping for air all the way and fortunately we made it back alright otherwise both of us would be in trouble. I'd forgotten to take into account the enclosed space of the shower cubicle and the steam from the hot shower. I was not going to attempt that anymore.

I was now highly dependent on oxygen. It was set at no. 5. I understood it to be 5 ltrs, but I wasn't very sure what that actually meant. I couldn't talk because whenever I opened my mouth to talk, I would start coughing. I was unable to lie flat and had to have the upper half of my bed elevated.

The ward doctor wanted to tap the fluid from my lungs but Dr Wong said to wait for the chemo first because she didn't like the idea of having too many punctures made. I didn't understand the significance of this until much later when I was burnt by the chemo drugs due to a leak caused by a puncture in the vein. Dr Wong had not wanted the chemo drugs to leak out and cause complications.

I have been visited by so many doctors, both junior and senior. Most of the time I cannot catch or remember their names when they introduce themselves. So usually I recognise them by their faces.

Usually the most junior doctor (or medical officer(?) - they are the ones still doing the rounds of the various departments before they decide on a specific area) would be the earliest to see me in the morning. There would be the ward doctor, my doctor - Dr Wong, and the others would be depending on what sort of problems I run into.