Seen and not heard

My kids are in their teens now and I thought I would just share some of the things they expect out of me, their mama.

It is always said that children should be seen and not heard. Well, when the children grow into teens, you will find the roles reversed - meaning, parents should be seen and not heard. Papas and mamas, don't open our mouths unnecessarily when we are with our teens' teachers, schoolmates or peers.

I had an impromptu lesson on this when I accompanied my son to the hospital for a follow-up checkup concerning his broken little finger a few years ago. The doctor was asking him questions and I felt my son was not very forthcoming with his answers, so this mama volunteered more information. The moment the doctor was out of earshot, my son gave me an earful. He went, "Ma! Next time just let me do the talking. Don't say anything, otherwise you are not coming with me on my next appointment." I got the message loud and clear. Actually, he needn't have said so much. I had a inkling of what's coming from the look on his face and the way he went "Ma".

Another time, I accompanied him to the hospital about a fish bone in his throat. In the waiting area, there was a national service boy scolding his mama. I heard the boy said, 'you think the minister is my uncle...' My son became his sympathizer, looked at me and said, 'see, don't talk so much'.

When you are attending talks in the schools or parent-teacher meetings, watch how you dress. Mamas, don't dress like a mamasan or like a slob, and go easy on the makeup. The idea is to be able to merge with the crowd without sticking out like a sore thumb. Because when the teens start whispering and pointing, and your teen finds out that the mama or papa is the ohject of discussion, well, to tell you the truth, I don't know what will happen when they got home, because I never attempted to cross that line, and I don't intend to. I only had my son coming home to tell me that, you know, everybody was talking about so and so's mama looking like "?" and so and so's mama with so much makeup on that she looked like a ..... (Um... I forgot what word he used, but you get the drift?)

Ever heard of the term "cheo bu". I did, for the first time in my life, a few years ago. I don't exactly know what it means, maybe like 'sexy mummy'. Oh, I didn't earn this title. Actually, it was my friend who told me that her kid was told by her friends that her mama is a 'cheo bu'. My friend was laughing when she related it to me, so I guessed it must be a compliment to her.

Also, just because you are the parent/s, don't assumed that you will be fielded for all those occasions. The kids usually decide one to represent 'parents'. Though I have noticed that in most households, both parents get to go together. Lucky... In my household, they decided unanimously that I am the only one allowed to go to their school. Well, my husband dozed off during talks, is clueless as to what the kids are doing and his first love is food. When I was sick, the kids returned the reply slips with "....will not be able to attend...."

When your teen suffered a great injustice in school that the sight of your upset kid makes you want to rush to school and reasoned with the other kids. I would advise you to drop the idea, pronto, because you run the risk of having yourself and your kid become the other kids public enemy No. 1 and 2, and you will also become your kid's private enemy No. 1. Also, don't think of complaining to the teacher on the sly, thinking you are doing your kid a favour. You will regret it when your kid finds out.

To a teen, the face is very important and so is the ego. Any problem they have with their peers, they want to solve it themselves. So, papas, and especially mamas, step aside, and pray if you must.

Often when I expressed my concerns for my kids, I am greeted with "Maaa...., leave me a alone; I know what I am doing". Then when I want to sit back and relax, they come to me with, "Ma, can you do this for me?", and "can you help me with that?"

This came from a cousin. She helped her kid passed her 'O' level examinations with impressive results, and the kid got very upset with my cousin. Reason - my cousin's kid outdid most of her classmates that she became an outcast.