My cancer, everybody's burden

True, it was my cancer, but it was and still is everrybody's burden.

I am the one who had cancer, and it caused everyone around me concern and worry. They take it on themselves to help me defray the cost of the high medical bills, buy supplements for me, help me with marketing, loan me equipment that will enhance my health, fetch me for my medical checkups and chemo sessions, pray for my recovery, lend me a listening when I became a grouch, and introduce me to other alternative and complementary treatments, and also not forgetting the wig, hat and scarves.

Even the stallholders in the market near my place have made my cancer their burden when they found out about it. The vegetable sellers always give discounts when I had not even ask nor expect it. They changed my vegetables when they saw the ones I picked were damaged or not so fresh. When they learnt that I was looking for a certain herb, they reserved it for me when they had access to it. They also passed me a book on herbal remedies that I had to return as it was in Chinese, a language which I am not confident in.

The pork seller kept telling me not to eat so much pork and that I should stick to the lean part whenever I made purchases at his stall. I had to tell him that those were for my family otherwise he won't stop 'nagging'.

The fish seller would tell me which fish is fresh and which type of fish I could eat. And I always received more change than I deserved.

Even the old lady selling flowers was concerned enough to tell me what vegetables I should not eat.

There are those who gave me an open standing offer, i.e. if and when I needed help, just open my mouth.

There could be other things that may have slipped my mind for now, but every action, big or small will leave an imprint in my heart which is full of gratitude. In fact, so much so that I am now indebted, indebted with mounting debts of gratitude which I am not sure if I can ever have the chance to pay back.

I feel that I am very fortunate and blessed to be surrounded by all these people. And yet, I feel I am like a social burden. I have made people out-of-pocket, out-of-time and out-of-effort when they should have the luxury of all these to themselves.

Now that I am out of danger, these acts of kindness and unasked for favours have not stopped. I am also still getting discounts and special services from the market stall holders.

Meal apppointments were arranged with what sort of food I can take, and yet, I am not allowed to pay for my share. The last such meal I had was with 7 friends (classmates from more than 30 years ago). We had dinner on a Friday night at the Vienna Buffet at United Square. From the array of food displayed, I could tell it was pretty pricey. The worst thing was that I could not take most of the pricier stuff there, like the Buddha jump over the wall soup (herbal), variety of shell fish, beef and duck. At the end, I asked how much and they said, 'oh, we are giving you a treat.' Then I was left to be amused by their whisperings and money changing hands. Oh, I was not affected by the amusing sight, but it is just that that was not the first time they gave me a treat.

I have been a fiercely independent person and never liked to take advantage of people's kindness, that I find this avalanche of acts of kindness overwhelming. My condition is stable now and I have had my fair share of encroaching on others, so I should be saying no to all these gracious offers, otherwise, my debts of gratitude will keep mounting.

For now, I can only say I appreciate every little gracious act, and sincerely thank everyone for it.