This morning I had a sudden urge to see LY at the hospice. On the way, I called her son and was told that she is in critical condition. He did not elaborate and I didn't ask.
She was in a one-bedded room. When I stepped in, I was not prepared for the sight before me. LY was lying there with eyes half-closed, right side of her face slightly contorted (like that of a stroke patient) and oxygen-dependent. Her sister, sitting by her bedside, was wiping away tears. Her sister said that she has been in this condition since last night and her son happened to be with her.
From the movements of her eyes, I could see LY was drifting in and out of sleep or consciousness. Her sis said she could still hear. I called LY and she responded by moving her left hand slightly. Then her sis asked me to tell LY whatever I wished and she left the room. I didn't know what to say. Did her sis want LY to try and pull through or did she want LY to go in peace. Should it be words of encouragement or words of comfort? Caught in this dilemma, words failed me and I was silent.
In a while, her sis was back. Then she told LY not to worry and that her son is already grown-up. Now, I realised what her sis meant earlier - we are of the same religion and she probably hoped that I could say some comforting words to LY. I must have disappointed her.
When I noticed that LY was 'awake' again, I called her name. Again, she responded by moving her left hand and made an effort to talk. She heard me but I don't know if she knew who I am.
The sight of LY in that condition and her sis continually wiping away her tears were too much for me to keep myself composed. I also felt that her sis and I were affecting one another's composure. After saying some words of comfort to LY, I left.
On my way out, I called M to update her on LY. I also called LY's son and found out that the doc said LY has 1 to 2 days left. I will be seeing LY again tomorrow morning.
Earlier, M has smsed to inform me that HH's father passed away this morning at 8am. HH had kept us posted of her father's condition so we were not surprised. HH herself is currently under hospice home care, and her dad was too.
During my conversation with M, she updated me on :
J - another breast cancer patient who is also very ill now, is warded and under morphine to control her pain.
E - colorectal cancer patient, another critical case but is at home and also under hospice home care because the hospital can't do anymore for her.
So much distressing news in one day - it's really so overwhelming.
LY - update from M who had just visited LY. The doc came and M managed to learn that in a case like LY, it is hard to determine. Sometimes, it could drag on for 2 to 3 weeks. M said the lady doc was very nice and patient and that's why she managed to find out more about LY's conditon from her.
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