Kids (or parents) then, and now

Those of us who grew up in the kampung days before the HDB era can attest to the fact that kids then, and now are very different.

I was at a hawker centre recently when I overheard a conversation among some senior citizens about kids and parents then, and now. One of them was a retired teacher who is still doing relief teaching in schools.

He said, in those days, parents expected the teachers to discipline their kids as well. Teachers then were our educators as well as our disciplinarians, and our parents had the greatest respect for them.

Some teachers punished for the slightest offence, like forgetting to bring a book, etc. Misbehaving would warrant a more severe punishment. Punishments included scolding, being kept in during recess, writing lines, sent outside the classroom, standing on chairs or desks, and physical punishment like pinching, slapping and caning. We had a particular teacher, a male, who would reach for the boys' abdomen and pinched and twisted at the same time. Fortunately, he did not do that to the girls.

Kids of my age then would agree that, once we were punished by teachers, we would pray hard that our parents did not hear of it from snitching neighbours' kids or even siblings, otherwise we would receive a second round of punishment, usually a harsher one from our parents. It was unheard of to have our parents rushing to school to lodge a complaint or to confront our teachers.

Practically in any household, the cane ruled.

Our disciplinary committee not only consisted of the teachers, but also included our uncles, aunts and any adult in our neighbourhood who bothered to take it on himself to discipline an recalcitrant child.

While we did not have so much homework and stress as the kids now, we had to help with household chores, especially the elder sons and daughters of the family. Household chores of yesteryears were no mean feat especially for those living in the rural areas.

Ready-made and bought toys were a rarity, largely due to financial constraints and our parents thriftiness. Our toys were self-made and only limited by whatever materials available or our lack of creativity.

No game arcades and games were improvised by our stretched imaginative powers or copied from others. We played hard and worked hard.

Food - we ate whatever was placed on the table and the choices were really limited as there was no round the clock electricity supply and so no refrigerator for storing food.

Clothings and shoes were mostly hand-me-downs, and in fact, sometimes we would be happy enough to receive those.

Entertainment - no television and only battery-operated radio.

Luxury - none

Today, any harsh words from a teacher will put the teacher at risk of incurring the wrath of the parents. My daughter's Chinese language tuition teacher also teaches at a government aided school, which she transferred to in recent years. As a responsible and concerned teacher, she had always set high standards on her students' work by deducting marks for Chinese characters that were not written properly. For this, she was cautioned by the authorities of the school to be lenient and give the students a lot of leeway. Reason being that the students are the school's revenue tools, or something along that line, and the school could not afford antagonizing the parents.

Kids nowadays are defiant and rebellious, that every so often parents are left wondering where they had gone wrong. It is not uncommon to hear adults complaining that it is very difficult to handle today's children.

They are a materialistic lot too, handphone, ipod, branded goods galore, you name it, they have it, and sometimes spending money faster than their parents can earn it.

They are a pampered lot and don't help with household chores, and yet at times, expected to be served hand and foot.

Children of today are shaped by their parents and their environment, meaning other kids.

Before we blamed our own or others' kids, maybe we ought to look at ourselves as parents first. There could be children who were borned with mean genes but there were many more who were borned pure and innocent. So, how did a pure, innocent, sweet little cuddly baby transform into a little tyrant and sometimes a hooligan as an adult? What happened in between?

Clearly, our style of nurturing seemed to leave much to be desired. It is now necessary for most families to have dual income with both parents working, thus often leaving the kids in the care of the maid, who was usually a very poor stand-in for the parents. Parents, guilt-stricken about not spending enough time with the kids, generally tend to overlook their tantrums and over compensate with cash and material stuff, probably inculcating wrong values into the kids that they grew up to be so materialistic.

Of course, kids nowadays are exposed to much more resources and areas of influence than we were.

I recalled when we were kids, parents used to have a uniform level of discipline for kids. But I noticed a lot of parents now tend to indulge than discipline the kids.

Another contributing factor is our parents, who used to be strict with us when we were kids, but who have amazingly become super indulgent when it comes to our kids, probably because their limits for patience and tolerance have disappeared when they become free from the daily grinds.

There are parents who tried hard to instill discipline, responsibility and morality into their kids. Unfortunately, too, there are those who give in to their kids' every whim and fancy. When kids from different households come together, with their super absorbent mind and "monkey see monkey do" attitude, there is a tendency for them to adopt undesirable habits from one another.

A parent laughing at the child's undesirable antics is actually encouraging the child's bad behaviour. When we were young, such antics were not tolerated but rewarded with punishment instead.

I believed in the old adage of "spare the rod and spoil the child" and all my kids have felt the sting of the cane wielded by their mother. Still, my kids have tested my patience and stretched my tolerance. I am grateful that though, for now, they are not exactly angels, they do have some qualities that I can't fault with. My mum used to say that if you don't bend the bamboo plant while it is still young, you will never be able to bend it when it grows old.

So, are our kids still at fault or are we failing miserably as parents?