Wind in the duodenum - correction (not kidney)

Yesterday evening, I went through another episode of near fainting brought on by indigestion. I nearly blacked out twice but struggled and managed to remain conscious. The indigestion had caused 'wind' to get to my duodenum (I had since seen the ayurvedic master and had described the location to him and he said it should be the duodenum or part of it but not the kidney) and caused pain (I had this before, once last year).

I had some nonya kueh the day before and by that night and yesterday morning, I could feel slight discomfort in my stomach. Then I did a dumber thing. I bought nasi lemak for lunch. I can't cook much now because my hands are very sensitive and wearing gloves did not help much.

I was still fine when I was on the phone earlier with a friend at 5+ in the evening.

About 15 mins later, my youngest came back and I started feeling pain on the right side below my ribcage. I applied essential oil but the pain became more intense anyway. I called the ayurvedic master and was told to apply another oil on top of the essential oil. I was also to drink fresh milk boiled with ghee and taken with honey, plus a bottle of herbal brew, which I have in the fridge, (all his patients are advised to keep some at home).

Despite all these, the pain got worse. I felt all jammed inside. By then my elder two kids and my husband were home.

I called the ayurvedic master again and was told to use a hot compress then followed by cold compress all the way. This brought some relief, but I was still feeling very uncomfortable in my stomach. I tried to retch but nothing came out and my trip to the toilet was unsuccessful too.

I was still in pain, so I called the ayurvedic master a 3rd time and asked if I could take gingelly (from sesame seeds) to help me move my bowels. He said to swallow one teaspoon of gingelly followed by hot water.

Sometime later, I was able to remove my bowels, not much, but still... By then, it was about 9 pm. I decided I wanted to shower and sleep. In the bathroom, I started retching and nearly passed out. I squatted as I was fearful of cracking my head again should I faint. Fortunately, I managed to remain conscious. After throwing out, I felt better and showered.

I called the master to report on my progress. By then, I was in no mood for dinner. He said to just go and sleep, but I said I wanted to take a cup of ghee + milk first. After I had the milk, my son saw me to bed. The moment I lie down, the pain became very excruciating that I nearly passed out again. Fortunately, we had a dustbin lined with plastic bags on standby. My son, quickly helped my up and everything came out (all the milk, that is). By then, I was exhausted and slept in a sitting position propped up by pillows.

All this while my son kept asking if he should call for an ambulance. I kept saying no. I trusted my gut instincts and the ayurvedic master, and I proved to be right. I am aware that it is dangerous to self-diagnose, but I have been through this before and knew what it was all about, except that this time it lasted longer and the pain was worse.

I didn't want to go to the hospital as I didn't think the doctors there were going to believe that I have 'wind' in my right duodenum. Although my knowledge of my anatomy is limited, I know it is not my appendix as it is much further down. I didn't want the doctors to start ordering tests and all. Anyway, I have had enough of hospitals. All I know is that the source of my problem is the gas/wind and if could get rid of it, it would give me some relief and I should be fine.

Sometime through the night, I awoke and find that I was fine enough to lie down. I got up as usual at 5am to prepare breakfast for my kids. I was fine by then, very hungry, yes, but perfectly fine.

My kids were surprised by my recovery. My youngest asked if I was really okay, and when I answered in the affirmative, she commented, 'weird'.

I am surprised that sometimes my brain seemed to lack common sense. In case of indigestion, after the stomach has been emptied, we do not try to put in anymore food, liquid or whatever. Just go and sleep and when we wake up a few hours later, the stomach would have righted itself.

I have learnt through painful experiences that when there is excessive gas builtup in the stomach, it takes hours before the gas could be dissipated.

My this episode, lasting a few hours, had had my family in a fluster, especially my kids. On the whole I think they managed well. I hope that this will not be a prelude to when I become really sick and immobile. I hope that when my time comes, death will be smooth and maybe swift and not long suffering, otherwise it will be tough on my kids.

I realised that I may not be able to avoid these fainting spells. If it were to happen suddenly, and as I aged, I don't think I will survive another crack on the head. I have just referred to my 'bucket list' again and realised that I have not completed a single item there.

1. my funeral and last rites - more or less settled. I am fortunate to have a rinpoche willing to perform the rites for me, that is, if I am lucky enough to go before him. This is not on paper yet.

2. my will - I have had it prepared, but in the old computer which has since died again, after I managed to revived it. I got the ownership of my apartment changed from joint tenancy to tenancy-in-common so that I can willed my share of the place to my kids when I am gone. My husband wasn't too happy and I don't understand what his grouse is about. I don't care who he hitches up with when I am gone, but I want to ensure that my kids will not be left homeless. Now I have to find out how to do one again. Going to the lawyer will easily settle it but I want to do it myself.

3. junking - is ongoing and I don't think it will ever be completed.

4. leaving letters for my kids - I have another idea now. I aim to start a private blog only for my kids and with the password available to them. It's going to have memories of them when they were young, my fears and hopes for them and whatever advice I think will be useful for them. They can log in and read and post their feelings too or make comments. Hmm.... just got to get it started somehow.

My "bucket" list

My son borrowed this movie, "The Bucket List", a few days ago. It's a very interesting movie, and it is about 2 men with cancer, a poor man and a very rich man, who met in the hospital, owned by the rich man. They made a wish list of things they wanted to accomplish before they 'kick the bucket'. They spent the last days of their lives together doing all kinds of things and visiting places. The poor man was company for the rich and the rich man paid picked up all the tabs. What a neat arrangement.

I have my own list too, but it is more a 'to do list' and very different from 'the bucket list'. I have another list too, my wish list, and this will probably consists of things or events which are out of my control, but will be nice if some of the items listed could be achieved. As days passed, I will most likely be updating both lists.

I hope to be able to complete all the items in my 'to do list' before I kick the bucket.

1. Plan my funeral - just started and checking on stuff
2. Write my will - near completion, waiting for certain stuff
3. Clear out all the junk - a mammoth task which I have already started

Item 3 is so daunting and so time-consuming. For some stuff, it is clear-cut whether I want to keep or throw, but for some others, its like to throw or not to throw, that's when I have to use the deciding factor, i.e. will my family or anyone else still need this when I am not around?

4. Write letters to my kids (borrowed idea) - not started yet

I have other items in mind but I am not committing them to print yet as it will all depend on my time and energy level.

The future is so uncertain and I don't know how much time I have left, or rather I don't know exactly know when I will be going. I survived chemo and my cancer is under control, but I have this risk of losing consciousness, keeling over and maybe cracking my head and maybe not coming out of it. It will be so ironic and pathetic to be done in like that after what I have gone through.

Anyway, I don't know when it will happen or if it will ever happen, but I am not worrying about that. If I am going to let myself be bothered by that, I will have to wear a safety helmet and live in a padded room and have someone watching over me all the time. No, I love my freedom, and I have my bucket list to see to and that's going to keep me busy for some time to come.