Thursday, 14 August 2008

3 - 5 Months Left

I found out from my family members that my onco told them if I didn't go for chemo, I would have only 3 - 5 months left to live.

I had wondered why my eldest brother kept wanting to talk to my kids.

And me sister told me not to worry about my kids, that my two elder brothers had made arrangements to take care of their education should anything happen to me. My eldest brother was in Singapore and my second brother was in the States and they were holding long-distance discussions about my kids' future!

So my onco had my family members scrambling and making plans for me while I was receiving treatment oblivious to what was going on. The arrangement looked beautiful but it didn't go down well with me. I am the patient and I have every right to know my condition. Even if there was not much time left for me, I would want to know. I would want to make plans and arrangements for my kids. I was never in denial and I was not one to run away when faced with reality. In fact, I was always talking to people and trawling the net for more information. So there.........

I was disappointed. I had a fight on and my onco didn't seem to be fighting it together with me. She was making plans and strategies on her own and informing my family members, and I was, like, left to follow the leader, sort of fighting 'blind'.

The doctors had told me that chemotherapy was to buy me time. So I have been chemoed, therefore I am living on bought time. Now, I wonder how much time has that bought me. Does being chemoed with more doses meant that more time had been bought for me?

More importantly now, is how to stretch that time and make the purchase worthwhile.

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