Black-out

7 May 2008, Wed - By noon, the water retention was back.

8 May 2008, Thu - I took one each of frusemide and potassium chloride. I was very tired, but I was not surprised as this was around the time when I get the side-effects of chemo and I'd just had a full dose on Monday.

After I was back from the market, Nurse Trudi called. She was coming to check on me with Dr Rebecca. I mentioned that I was very tired, but she said they would come anyway. They came before noon.

After Nurse Trudi and the doctor left, I went to sleep. I wasn't very hungry and with the metallic taste, I just didn't feel like eating. Awaking after 3pm, I was still very tired and feeling hungry. Went to the kitchen to look for food.

Taking a bowl, I had just poured some oats in and was about to get the hot water, when my eyes saw light...........

So dizzy... this is the kitchen floor........ why am I here??? what happened???

Took me some minutes to recall that I was preparing oats and that the last thing I remembered was the bright lights. I had passed out even before I hit the ground from a standing position. I must have hit a kitchen stool as I fell because it was way out of place, but I had no recollection of it. I couldn't have been out for very long because I noticed the kitchen clock was still at 3 plus.

I struggled to get up and managed to shift myself to the nearby cabinet. I sat there on the floor and leaning against the cabinet, groggy and dizzy and fighting hard to stay conscious. It was quite some time before I felt a little steady and slowly got up to add hot water to the oats. I sat back on the kitchen floor and ate the oats. That wasn't a wise thing to do as I started throwing up.

I kept wanting to pass out so I just sat there and rested. After a while, I made my way to the living room and sat near the phone. Glo happened to call and I mentioned that I just had a fall, didn't feel like talking and wanted to rest.

I called Nurse Trudi and told her what had happened. She consulted with the doctor who advised me to get to A&E. I told her I should be okay and just needed to rest. I rested for about half an hour and decided that things just weren't going to get better. I called my mum and asked her to send her maid, Marilou, over.

Made my way to the door, unlock the gate and went to the recliner to rest. I had told Marilou that I would leave the gate unlocked so that she could go in without having to bother me.

Marilou came and jammed the bolt on the gate instead. I heard her fiddling with the gate for quite some time and got up slowly to open the gate for her. Told her to boil some fresh milk for me and went back to the recliner.

I was vaguely aware that Marilou was trying to wake me up and massaging me at the same time. I found out later that I had suffered a seizure and had bitten my tongue. Marilou said she was frightened, my eyes rolled up, I was shaking and didn't seem to be breathing. She said she kept calling and massaging me at the same time until I regained consciousness.

I drank the milk and asked Marilou to cook porridge for me. It was nearly 6pm and by then, my elder daughter had come home from school, so I asked Marilou to go back to mum's.

I seemed to feel a little steadier after the milk but didn't feel like eating the porridge. I wanted a quick shower, and told my daughter that I would leave the bathroom door unlock and asked her to standby outside the door in case I fell. I managed to finish showering without problem.

In the meantime, my younger daughter and husband had returned.

I was on the recliner when I started feeling queasy again. I threw up so hard that I nearly passed out again. My son, who happened to be on leave the next day, came back and saw the sorry sight I was in. He was very concerned and insisted that I should go to hospital. I asked him to call 1777 for a private ambulance so that I could be sent to SGH A&E instead of Changi. With the help of my daughter, I grabbed some of my stuff and waited for the ambulance.

The ambulance was a small one, like a small panel van, with basic essentials. As I lie there on the stretcher, I could sense the ambulance speeding, just didn't know how fast. I opened my eyes and could see the treetops flying past. I quickly closed my eyes again and prayed that we reach the hospital safe and sound. My son, who had accompanied me and was sitting in front, said that the driver was speeding but seemed quite skilful.

Lying there and praying, I had recalled that years ago, when I was holidaying in the Philippines, I had noticed that a lot of the cab drivers there had this little prayer hanging in their vehicles :
O Lord,
Give me a steady hand and a watchful eye
So that no one will be hurt as I pass by.
I hoped my ambulance driver was praying too.

Going to the A&E by ambulance was a wise choice because the ambulance attendant had contacted the hospital and by the time, we arrived, they were waiting for me. I was admitted straightaway, avoiding the hassle of registering and queuing for admission.