Reflection : When the fog cleared

I have a friend who maintained two blogs on the same subject - one public and one private. I had initially thought it would be too time-consuming, but after visiting his blogs, I am beginning to see the wisdom and usefulness of it.

In a public blog, one has to be careful with what is written, avoiding sensitive areas and taboo topics.

Whereas in a private blog, one can rant and rave about pet peeves, or write about your views and opinions about sensitive issues, or about memories close to your heart. Your boss upset you? - scold and call him all kinds of names in your private blog. Full of frustrations, let loose a string of vulgarities if it gives you relief (lol). Later, it would be wise to go back and clean up the mess a bit, I think.

I also find it useful as self therapy, like sorting out your thoughts and for reflections. Recently, I vented my frustrations in a post about receiving unsolicited advice and I thought I found relief after that. Later, I read the posting again and with those words staring back at me, suddenly I had different feelings about it.

With those thoughts clogging my mind, I couldn't straighten out my thoughts. I had allowed anti-sentiments to build up. But after pouring out my frustrations, it was like the fog in my brain had cleared. I could think clearly and could see other people's actions and motives from a different perspective, so I retrieved the post and still felt good about doing so.***

***I have been deliberating over this.

Yes, people around me let their anxieties and concerns for me get the better of them, but I have committed a greater mistake by letting my anti-sentiments get the better of me. However, I have been talking to other survivors and they felt the same way as I do too, i.e. the pressure and the stress and confusion. So, if I do not allow my feelings be known, I would be encouraging a wrong attitude. I also feel that people should be encouraged to be more knowledgeable before giving useful advice, especially when more and more people are hit by cancer.

For people like me, keeping a blog beats writing down everything by hand. By nature, or lack of effort, I am a lazy writer. My handwriting is like chicken scratchings. Sometimes, (quite often actually), I can't decipher what I have written. Sometimes when I am in the mood, I will make an effort to write nicely, but after sometime, I find it too laborious, and it's back to scribbling. Also, my train of thoughts tend to get disrupted and it would be a chore to go back and make corrections. With a blog, just go back and insert, delete, make corrections to your heart's content.